


Across the Stars (And into the Unknown)

by QueenMilaAshdown



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: "Crown of victory", "Neither are you", "Princess of House Organa", "You’re not alone", 30+ years worth, Alderaan braid culture, Along with making up my own, Anakin and Obi-Wan are NOT impressed, Anakin apologies to Leia, Anakin is angry with Luke, Anakin keeps bending the rules, Anakin understands, Anakin understands Ben's struggles, BAMF Finn (Star Wars), BUT ONLY TEMPORARILY, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Ben Solo is fine, Ben is a mama's boy, Ben is having a tough couple of days, Borrowing bits of Tatoonie culture from Fialleril, Both the good and the bad, Broken dyad bonds are painful, But no one dies, But she's also Obi-Wan Kenobi's granddaughter too, Cinnamon Roll Ben Solo, Coming to Terms with the Past, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Feels, Family Reunions, Father-Son Moment, Father-Son Reunion, Finn explains his grumpiness, Finn finally gets rescued, Finn gets grumpy, Finn is having no Rathars thanks, Finn is so confused, Finn jinxes them, Finn sees Ben Solo, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Force Ghost Obi-Wan Kenobi, Force Ghost Qui-Gon Jinn, Force Ghost(s), Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, Friends sticking together, Fulcrum Ahsoka Tano, Han is exasperated, Han is observant, Healing broken Force bond, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Leia Organa is a champion at holding onto grudges, Leia Organa is still angry with Anakin Skywalker, Leia notices things, Leia starts to let go of her anger, Leia watches and waits, Luke Is Confused, Luke starts to understand, M/M, Meeting Fleet Command, Mention of lost friends, Mentions of characters previously dying, Mother-Son Reunion, Names are Important and have Meaning, Palpatine was the beginning of the end, Panic Attacks, Poe Dameron getting Shit done, Poe Dameron is TIRED damn it, Poe Dameron is a Good Friend, Poe Dameron is not impressed with said decisions, Poe admits he made stupid mistakes, Poe and Finn talk, Poe forgetting he's not a General yet, Poe is exasperated, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Protective Anakin Skywalker, Protective Leia Organa, Protective Poe Dameron, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Repressed issues, Rey Uses The Force, Rey apologizes to Finn, Rey calls Luke out on his shit, Rey doesn’t like that Ben died, Rey is DONE with Luke, Rey is exasperated, Rey shouldn't make decisions before she's had enough caf to think things through, Rey wakes up the bond between her and Finn, Rey's full heritage revealed, Semi Force Ghost Bail Organa, Semi Force Ghost Breha Organa, Semi Force Ghost Padme Amidala, She might be Palpatine's granddaughter, Snapping training bonds, Snarky Han Solo, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Stories will be told LATER, Story telling continues, Story telling time, THEY FINALLY KISS PEOPLE, Tatoonie Desert Culture, Telling of the dyad bond, The Force, The start of what happened, The telling is jumbled but it happens, Time Travel, Tossing away the lightsaber, Until He Can't, Until you try and touch his girl Rey, You tried to do WHAT to my son?, aftermath of Force bonds snapping, and impresses/confuses Han, because why not, ben solo is a drama queen, but also not really, but he just keeps rolling with it, don't mess with my grandson, fractured Ben Solo, it's a slow process, it's supposed to be a lazy day, poe dameron is a mother hen, rey takes no shit, still go to lightspeed from the hanger, the Force works in mysterious ways, this guy just can't seem to catch a break, until it's not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 61,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22095760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenMilaAshdown/pseuds/QueenMilaAshdown
Summary: Rey discovers, at the end of it all, that the Force still works in mysterious ways.And then finds herself back at the beginning.She grabs this second chance with both hands and the galaxy will never be the same.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Han Solo, Anakin Skywalker & Luke Skywalker, BB-8 & Rey, Bail Organa & Breha Organa & Leia Organa, Bail Organa/Breha Organa, Ben Solo & Han Solo, Finn & Ben Solo, Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Han Solo & Chewbacca, Knights of Ren & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Leia Organa & Ahsoka Tano, Leia Organa & Anakin Skywalker, Leia Organa & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa & Rey, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Padmé Amidala & Leia Organa & Anakin Skywalker & Luke Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Poe Dameron & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron & Finn & Rey, Poe Dameron & Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Anakin Skywalker, Rey & Luke Skywalker, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 195
Kudos: 927
Collections: All Time Travel All the time, Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for anyone waiting for the next chapter of Dawn of the Valkyrie. I got sick in November, which killed all the muses, and then I saw Rise of Skywalker and my muse would not shut up about this, so here we are. I will probably be bouncing back and forth between the two, fair warning.
> 
> Regardless, enjoy!

Inhale

Exhale

With the beacon on the _Falcon_ now broadcasting her location to her friends, Rey finally lets her exhaustion catch up with her. On Ahch-To again for the first and last time since before Exogol, she’s ready to actually rest for the first time in years. While ordinarily she’d be able to bolster herself with the Force, the act rubs up against the broken parts of her too painfully. So she’s aged even more than usual, a combination of her early years on Jakku and the strain of using the Force without helping herself. Fifty years to the day and she’s had enough.

Enough of traveling, she’s seen the galaxy and all its wonders and dangers.

Enough of helping people, no matter how much she enjoys it.

Enough of just plain living, always having to deal with a constant ache in her chest.

She stumbles up the steps to the stone huts. Every breath is labored, like the weight of the universe is suddenly pressing down on her lungs. She settles down on the bench by the hut that had been Luke’s, leaning back and bracing herself against the cool rock.

Inhale

Exhale

She knows she’s not going to last in time for them to arrive. Now that she’s letting herself rest, she just doesn’t have the strength left to hold any longer. It hurts, knowing none of them are going to get a proper goodbye, but it hurts more clinging like she is. At her age, she thinks she’s entitled to a little rest. Especially after all the shit and heartache she’d been forced to go through in her youth. No matter what her friends might have thought, part of her stayed dead that day on Exogol when Ben left her and she never really recovered from it. They would never be able to understand the always aching pain from the loss of her dyad partner, for all that she only truly had it for less than an hour. She really thinks that Finn is the only one who guessed that there was something more to her story, but he mercifully never pushed her. She wonders if his Force sensitivity warned him that to do so would break her, because it would have.

Inhale

Exhale

A single tear slides down her cheek as she lets her eyes flutter closed.

“Please,” she whispers brokenly one last time. “Be with me.”

As always, there is only silence. He never comes.

Inhale

E

x

h

a

l

e

.

.

.

.

.

  
  
  


Rey opens her eyes.

This is rather surprising to her, given that she’s fairly certain she just released herself into the Force.

The dry, stifling smell of the desert hits her full on as she reflexively inhales despite her shock. She gags at the taste and grit of sand that coats her tongue, something she hasn’t experienced in years for all her wandering. After burying the lightsabers on Tatooine, after taking on the name Skywalker for her Masters and for the lost half of her soul, she’d found herself unable to set foot on a desert planet again unless her situation left her with no other choice.

And then.

And then the bond she lost those fifty years ago blooms painfully, beautifully, _achingly_ into life and in her mind is—

_Ben?_

She sends her plea out into the Force, allowing herself to hope for the first time since she first lost him. The silence that follows nearly kills her. If this all ends up being just a trick, she doesn’t think she’ll survive the fallout.

_Rey?_

Ben Solo sounds so confused and lost, but all Rey can do is cry as she hits her knees. Cry and cry and _cry_ because she can feel it in her bones. Ben is _alive_. Ben is alive and damn any gods that try to stand in her way of finding him again.

 _Rey, what ha_ —

His voice cuts off so suddenly that it’s only because she can still feel him, a warm and steady pulse nestled in the back of her mind, that she doesn’t lose her tedious grip on her emotions. Of course, then she immediately notices that her body is _not_ that of a seventy-year-old woman anymore. She’s in the prime of her youth, and that means she’s on Jakku. She’s on Jakku before her life was irreversibly changed by a defecting Stormtrooper. Before she learned of the Force and that by blood she is a Palpatine.

She’s also out under the sun, with BB-8 frantically rolling in circles around her practically screaming.

 _Rey, Poe and Finn stole a TIE fighter and are headed down to Jakku,_ Ben abruptly says. _What the kriffing hell is going on?_

 _I don’t quite know,_ she returns even as the blessedly familiar silence descends. She raises her head to see Ben towering over her still in his Kylo Ren garb. The sight of him freezes her in place, making her unable to stand even though that’s the one thing she wishes to do. Stand and throw her arms around the impossible man she’s missed for so long. Ben, while she just stares up at him with tears silently streaming down her face, tears off his helmet and gloves before falling to his knees. Now level with each other, there’s a single heartbeat of stillness before Ben lurches forward to throw his arms around her. Rey sobs as his weight settles against her body. Her only constant companion these last fifty years has been BB-8, for all that she traveled from people to people as she traveled from planet to planet. She clutches at him, fingers tangling in his cloak in a vain attempt to make sure he won’t disappear on her again.

“I’m here,” His voice echoes in the air and she feels the rumble of it against her chest. “Rey, I’m here.”

“I missed you,” she chokes out past the lump in her throat. “You left me and I _missed you_.”

“I know.” One of his hands cradles the back of her head. Against her will she leans back into the touch, as it draws her away from Ben. His expression is as broken as she feels. It makes her feel marginally better, seeing that. He hadn’t been much for showing any sort of emotion before. “But the galaxy needed you far more that it needed me, and I was right.”

She uncurls a hand to slap his chest. “ _I_ needed you!” she shouts. “You left me right when I needed you the most!” She ducks her head to press her forehead against his steadily beating heart. “You never—” Her breath catches in the back of her throat. “You never came back,” she whispers hoarsely.

And he hadn’t. For the rest of her life, she’d been visited by generations of Force ghosts. They’d just appeared whenever, offering help and training and stories. But never Ben. For all that his family visited, for all that she learned from Luke and Leia and even Anakin Skywalker, Ben never came back. Not even at the end.

“I gave you _everything_ ,” Ben says, a thumb sliding across her cheek. “Everything that I was and everything that I could have been.”

“You didn’t—”

“Cyar-ika.” Rey jerks back upright at the endearment she’d learned from Anakin during his many stories of the Clone Wars and the traditions of his Clones, never having expected to hear it from Ben’s own lips. “There was no other choice for me. I was too newly turned back to the Light. Without you there to tether me, I would’ve just Fallen again, only harder and faster and further.”

Rey shakes her head. “No, you—”

Ben just smiles sadly at her. “I came back for you only lose you mere hours later. It would’ve been inevitable.”

“While ordinarily I’d let you have this moment, because Force knows you deserve it, you both need to get moving.” Sand goes flying as both she and Ben whirl around towards the sudden voice. Standing over them haloed in a hazy blue light, Anakin Skywalker looks apologetic but resolute. “Rey, you have a Stormtrooper to go save and a ship to steal. Ben, if you want to make it to Jakku in time, I’d suggest hurrying to the flight deck.”

“Grandfather,” Ben breathes out.

Anakin’s lips twitch up into a rueful smile as he tips his head to Ben. “Grandson.” His expression becomes a tad mischievous when his eyes slide over to her. “Granddaughter.”

Rey feels her cheeks warm at the acknowledgement even with his actual grandson alive again. He and his children hadn’t said anything about her claiming the Skywalker name, but it’s nice to know that the Patriarch is okay with it. That she can still claim the family she chose as opposed to the blood she’d been born with.

“Grandfather, my bond with Snoke—” Ben starts. The reminder makes Rey’s blood freeze in her veins. She refuses to lose him to Snoke again.

“We can help you break it,” Anakin assures him, “but you’ll be weak and out of it for a time afterwards, even with Rey to hold you steady. If you want to do it sooner rather than later, you need to get to Jakku before Rey and Finn leave on the _Falcon_.”

“Did we really came back to the beginning?” Rey asks softly, the enormity of their situation finally sinking in. Because that’s the only plausible explanation, for all that the impossibility of it rings in her ears and sings in her veins.

“You did, but none of us have any idea as to the how or why.” Anakin sighs. “Can we save any further questions for later? You both _really_ need to get moving.”

Only then does Rey remember the droid that brought them all together. BB-8, who’s started thunking against her leg in a futile attempt to get her attention. She’s staring down at the little orange and white droid when her breath catches in the back of her throat. They’re going to have to stop this connected moment in time. She’s going to have to walk away from the man she’s ached to see. And all of a sudden, she’s afraid. Afraid that all of this is just a dream, that Ben will slip away the moment she turns her back. She lifts her head. “Ben, I—”

He interrupts her with a finger to her lips. “I _will_ come for you, Rey.” His conviction all but stirs the air. “I came for you then, I’ll come for you now.”

Rey is a survivor. She persevered through years on a desert planet waiting for parents never able to return. She watched the murder of a man she could’ve called father, survived the loss of her Jedi Master only to become a Master herself, and endured the passing of the only motherly figure she can remember. She learned the truth of her origins and still managed to call the other half of her soul back to the Light. And yet, despite all of that, she still feels like that scared, abandoned little girl again as she whispers, “Promise?”

Ben gifts her with his boyish grin full of dimples and overflowing with love. “Always.”

Their connection closes and Rey is left kneeling in blistering hot sand with a Force ghost and a droid who she’s starting to worry is going to blow a circuit.

“Niima Outpost is that way.” Anakin jerks a finger over his shoulder. “It wouldn’t do to be late.”

No, no it would not.

* * *

Finn is pretty sure he’s dreaming.

Why he’s dreaming of the day he fled the First Order, and so vividly too, he really doesn’t know. Instead, he stumbles into Niima Outpost with a desert dry mouth begging for water that no one is willing to give him. He finally turns towards the animal watering trough with a barely contained grimace, only to have a canister that sloshes with liquid shoved under his nose.

Well that’s new.

He stares at it in disbelief before dragging his gaze upwards. Up the arm holding the canister to the youthful face of the woman he’d gladly call sister who he hasn’t seen in years. Not in the flesh at least. She’s frowning at him, something he knows to usually try and avoid. Frowning Rey means unhappy Rey, and unhappy Rey generally means shit’s about to go down.

Then she waves the canister in front of him while ordering, “ _Drink_.”

He takes it and does as he’s told. Liquid hits his tongue, and while it’s warm and metallic tasting, it’s also light years better than he remembers that trough being. “Am I dreaming?” he asks, hoping that dream Rey will be as knowledgeable as living Rey and be able to tell him what the kriffing hell is going on.

She blinks at him. “No.” Then _she_ takes his hand when he’s pretty sure that he’s the one who started the hand holding thing and starts dragging him through the multitude of stalls after instructing him to “ _Follow me_.”

“Are you sure?” He will admit to himself that when he’s had these dreams before, he’s still been swept away by the adrenaline and terror he experienced that day. Now he’s floating in a sea of calm, which is really kriffing _weird_.

“Very.”

“I think you might have whammied him a little too well,” a male voice drawls, and Finn near about jumps out of his skin. He whips his head around to gawk at the glowing blue man keeping pace with them for all that he passes right through things. He raises an eyebrow when he notices Finn’s attention. “Well now, _there’s_ a surprise.”

Rey comes to a rather abrupt halt, nearly causing Finn to run smack into her. “Master Skywalker, I thought you said we needed to move quickly. Surprises aren’t exactly helpful at the moment,” she stresses, looking directly at the weird man.

“Wait, you can see him too?” Finn yelps, having just started to ponder if he’s well and truly lost it because he’s apparently imagining people now. The fact that Rey is _talking_ to what Finn figured was just a figment of his imagination is jarring to say the least.

The tightening of Rey’s hand around his own is the only sign of surprise from Rey that he can perceive. “Finn, are you seeing a robed man who’s blue?” she asks hesitantly.

He doesn't even realize that neither of them has told the other their name. “ _Yes!_ Is that supposed to be significant?”

Rey doesn’t get the opportunity to answer. The weirdness of the dream might have made him momentarily forget about the troopers who’d been sent after him and Poe and BB-8, but the red blaster shot that flies by both his and Rey’s heads is a deadly reminder. They both start sprinting, all thoughts beyond reaching the _Falcon_ pushed to the back of Finn’s mind. They come out of Niima Outpost at a different angle, so when the Quadjumper that Rey’s leading him towards blows up again, they’re not scrambling to turn on the shifting sand to head to the _Falcon_.

Finn is surprised to see BB-8 already inside, cussing Rey out as only a droid can while she makes a bee-line to the cockpit. He jumps down into the gunner’s seat, scrambling to get his headset on.

“Stay low, stay low!” he only just remembers to warn Rey as the _Falcon_ lifts from the ground. It’s a much smoother take off than he remembers. “It—

“—confuses their tracking, I know!” Rey shouts back. “Just concentrate on shooting down the fighters!”

“Hopefully this time the gun won’t jam,” Finn mutters to himself as he swings the laser cannon around towards the rapidly approaching fighters. He’d really rather not have to relive that particular chase, so maybe the weird dream will let him avoid it. The first fighter goes down in a shower of sparks and flames. It’s been years since Finn’s seen any sort of real combat, so he feels entitled to a loud, “Yes!” and victory fist pump. Finn glances up the ladder briefly at the sound of Rey’s laughter. When he looks back at the remaining fighter, another has joined it putting the count back up to two again. “Kriffing hell!”

“Finn?”

“Another fighter just appeared.” Even with the hum of the ship between them, Finn will swear on everything he believes in that he still hears Rey’s sharp intake of breath. “Rey?”

“Don’t try shooting that one just yet.”

It takes a moment for her instruction to sink in. He honestly doesn’t think he heard correctly. “Rey, they’re going to shoot at us if I don’t!”

“Not that one. That one won’t.”

So helpful. So kriffing helpful. “And how exactly do you know that?”

The blue glowing man appears right beside him. “Because my grandson is on that ship, General Dameron, and I will be _very_ displeased if he dies again, to say nothing of the fact that you’ll break your sister’s heart as well.”

Finn shrieks, automatically swinging the gun around and nearly tumbling out of his seat in the process. “ _Grandson?!_ ”

“Yes, _grandson_ ,” the man stresses. “Does the name Ben Solo ring any bells?”

Ben Solo? Finn knows him better as Kylo Ren, no matter what Rey told them had happened at the end of it all. But regardless of who the man had been in the end, he’d died back on Exogol fifty years ago. And Finn doesn’t remember Kylo Ren being part of the chase on Jakku.

“Shit, I need to wake up,” Finn groans, thunking his head on the back of his seat. If he wakes up, then they can head out after the beacon Rey had started late last night. It’s been six years since he’s seen or heard from her, and it’d taken all of his husband’s charm to keep him from flying off the instant they’d gotten it. Something about how they weren’t all that young anymore, and that a good night’s sleep would do them all good. Poe further promised that they’d be out the door the next morning as soon as possible. Finn had eventually conceded, knowing Poe was right even if he didn’t like it.

“There’s no waking up from this, General,” the man retorts. “Now leave the fighter with my grandson alone, but feel free to get the other one before it—”

A blaster ray hits the cannon, and with a mechanical groan it locks up.

“Damn it!” He gives the handles a jerk, even knowing that it won’t budge.

“Finn?”

“The gun’s locked in the forward position, I can’t move it.” Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the fighter he just _knows_ has Kylo Ren on it pull forward and make towards the _Falcon_. Surprisingly, the other fighter stops firing, like the pilot is afraid they’ll hit Ren if they keep up their barrage. It’s a legitimate worry. The punishment for hitting a commanding officer in the First Order isn’t something Finn likes remembering. “Rey…”

“Trust me, Finn, _please_. And be ready.”

Of course she has to ask _that_ of him. She knows he’ll always back her when she asks that, even dream Rey. So he just mutters a curse under his breath while continuing to track the approaching fighter for all that he can’t do a damn thing should this whole dream go belly up. The gun never moves, even when it results in them falling out of the sky. Those are the worst versions. He never likes the dreams that end in fire and screams.

It’s when the fighter disappears over the top of the _Falcon_ that something shudders through the air. Finn grits his teeth against the tingling that itches under his skin. His knuckles protest when his grip on the cannon handles tightens because of the helplessness he’s feeling. He hates feeling helpless. A dull roar builds in his ears only to abruptly cut off when he hears boots hit the floor of the _Falcon_. He barely has time for a shaky exhale of breath before the ship’s engines rev and they’re flipping through the air. Instinct takes over when there’s suddenly a fighter in his line of fire. His fingers squeeze around the trigger and the ship goes up in flames. It startles him out of his daze and when the other ship comes back into sight, Finn’s focused again. That one goes down as well, and then they’re hurtling up into the stars. It’s only once they’re clear from Jakku’s atmosphere that he tears himself out of the gunner’s seat and up the ladder. He reaches the top just in time for pressure to suddenly build and build and build and—

_SNAP_

Finn staggers sideways, catching himself against the _Falcon’s_ wall. His chest heaves as he fights for air, his lungs adamantly protesting the abrupt rise and fall in pressure. He really doesn’t know why he hasn’t woken up yet. There’s been enough scares already, he doesn’t need anymore. Stumbling around the last bend into the main hold, Finn’s mind comes to a screeching halt that the sight that awaits him.

Rey is sitting on the floor with an unconscious Kylo Ren out cold in her arms. It’s a little weird to see Ren’s head hanging limply over Rey’s arm and his body slack. Finn remembers Ren as always moving, practically vibrating with energy constantly. The stillness is unnerving. The weird blue guy from earlier is kneeling beside them both, a hand on Ren’s forehead, while two other see-through blue beings have a hand on the man’s shoulders. Another man and what he thinks is a Togruta.

“He’ll be alright?” Rey asks, looking at each blue being beseechingly.

“A little rest and he should be back on his feet in no time,” the standing man assures her.

“We probably won’t be able to visit for a while,” the Togruta comments. “Skyguy used up a lot of energy shielding Ben from the backlash as much as he could.”

“Worth it,” the kneeling man mutters, rocking back on his heels before rising fluidly.

“ _Thank you_ ,” Rey breathes, ducking her head to bury her face in Ren’s hair. Her shoulders start to shake. “Thank you, Master Skywalker. I don’t—”

“Kid, _anything_ to stick it to Palpatine.”

And then they’re gone, and Finn is left with the alarming realization that this isn’t a dream at all. So he does the only logical thing he can think of.

He faints.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, there might be a lot of quoting from the movie in this chapter, but I'm fairly positive there won't be much more of that in later chapters. A certain unconscious someone makes that rather impossible...
> 
> Enjoy!

Still reeling from the shock of Ben’s Force bond with Snoke snapping so harshly, Rey can’t get her muscles to cooperate when Finn’s knees buckle out from underneath him. She just barely manages to somewhat shield his head so it doesn’t smack against the metal grating of the floor too hard, already knowing he’s going to have a killer headache once he wakes up regardless. And thus, she’s left alone with the hum of the ship and her two most important people unconscious.

Well, also BB-8, but this BB-8 doesn’t know her yet and is circling everyone warily.

[Coat-stealer is off-line] BB-8 comments, deliberately poking at Finn. [Does Droid-saver require assistance with Coat-stealer and other humanoid?]

Rey can’t help the snort of laughter that escapes her despite the circumstances. She’d forgotten about their first designations. Eventually they’d become Friend-Finn and Friend-Rey to go along with Friend-Poe, but not before BB-8 had all the droids in the Resistance calling them Coat-stealer and Droid-saver.

“No, I’ll manage, but thank you for—”

The small explosion of noise off to the side reminds Rey that she hasn’t had years to work on the _Falcon_ yet. That it hasn’t flown in years. And then she remembers what happened the last time. An energy flux in the hyperdrive motivator. If she doesn’t patch it up quickly the propulsion tank will overflow and flood the ship with poisonous gas. There’s no way she’s losing her family now to gas of all things.

“Finn, _wake up!_ ” She doesn’t like using the Force like that, but there’s no way she can try waking Ben up. His mind is too raw and hurting, and the more rest he gets the better he’ll be when he does wake. Finn jerks upright, pupils blown wide as he briefly stares at nothing. Then he blinks, shakes himself, and starts cursing up a storm in a never ending stream of languages while rubbing at where his head hit the floor.

[Coat-stealer rebooted!] BB-8 exclaims.

“The hell…?” Finn mutters as Rey uses the Force to all but fling the metal grating over the maintenance access off and out of the way. While she’d rather not leave Ben in a sprawling heap on the ground, there’s no time for anything else, not if they want to live. She drops down into the machinery, double checks what she’ll need, and then pops back up.

“Finn, grab me a Harris wrench.”

He squints at her as if trying to bring her into focus. “Rey? What’s going—”

Something shrieks. “Harris wrench, _now_ , unless you’d like to die from gas poisoning!” That spurs Finn into action. He scrambles over to the pile of accumulated trash/junk and digs out the tool she needs. “Get a pilex driver and bonding tape while you’re at it,” she adds before ducking back down and getting to work. She doesn’t bother glancing up when Finn tosses her both things, simply putting the Harris wrench between her teeth and going at the problem with the pilex driver before finishing it all off with the bonding tape. She gives it a moment before sighing in relief at a crisis averted. “Thank the Force,” she breathes out, letting the built up tension slide off her shoulders as she hauls herself back up. Finn stares at her wide eyed as she floats the grate back into place.

“Are you alright?” she finally inquires, not quite as worried about Ben anymore. Well, she’s still worried, but she can’t think of much he can muck up while out cold. Then again, he’s a Solo and a Skywalker. He probably could if he puts his mind to it.

“This isn’t a dream,” her friend, her _brother_ states flatly, voice trembling just a bit. Instead, his agitation is made known to her by the twisting of the Force around him. And Rey realizes that Finn remembers too. She’d been too caught up during the escape to notice the little tells, but now they’re plain as day to her. Her heart soars at the thought that she doesn’t have to lose him again. That now she can make up for leaving so abruptly.

“No, it isn’t,” she whispers softly in agreement. “I was on Ahch-To. I set up the beacon, hoping that you would be able to get to me in time.” She swallows around the lump rising in her throat. “You didn’t. I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew I was on Jakku again with BB-8.”

“We got the beacon’s signal. We were planning on heading out first thing in the morning.” Finn reaches out a trembling hand, fingers skimming her cheek. “Rey, did you go to Ahch-To to _die_?”

She huffs out a shaky breath. Of course he’d realize what she’d done, what she’d meant to do. “I did,” she admits. “I was _tired_ , Finn. I was tired and honestly felt there was nowhere else for me to go.”

“No, Rey, you could’ve come home,” Finn protests, gathering her up in his arms and holding her close. “You could’ve come home to me, to Poe. We would’ve done anything—”

A hand to his chest sees distance appearing between the two of them. “No Finn.” She shakes her head, scooting back so she’s by Ben’s side again. The steady rise and fall of his chest is something she thinks she could spend hours watching. When she looks back to Finn, there are tears in both of their eyes. “There wasn’t anything you could’ve done to change my mind.”

“ _Why?_ ” he practically pleads.

Rey reaches out to run her fingers through Ben’s unruly hair. Her lips quirk up into a soft smile when he sighs and seems to lean into her touch. “We’re a dyad, Ben and I. Connected mentally and physically through the Force.” Tears spill down her cheeks as she remembers that horrid day on Exogol, where she gained and lost everything. “It’s what made him able to save me.”

“Rey, Kylo Ren wanted to turn you or _kill_ you.”

She whips her head around to glare at Finn. “Kylo Ren died on the Death Star. I did it myself.” Her breath hitches momentarily. She doesn’t think she’ll ever forget the feeling or sound of his lightsaber piercing his chest. It’s haunted her just as much as Ben fading away just after being able to kiss him for the first and only time. “Ben Solo died on Exogol, saving me. He gave me _everything_ , Finn. All that he was, all that he could have been. He gave me his life so that I could live.”

Finn looks absolutely horrified, and Rey’s prepared to further defend Ben, but what he says next isn’t what she expected at all. “You actually died on Exogol.” Rey thinks that if they weren’t already sitting on the floor, Finn’s legs would’ve collapsed on him again. “You actually—” A harsh sob tears its way out of his throat.

They’d never really talked about that day. Everyone had been riding the high of winning, of finally defeating the Sith and the Final Order, and Rey had been swept up in the excitement of it all. She’d relished that small escape. Anything to distract her. And she had been happy that they’d won. It just wasn’t until she’d managed to get some time alone that the enormity of what she’d lost crashed over her. She’d curled up on the floor of the _Falcon_ and cried. Cried and screamed out all the pain and anger and betrayal weighing down her heart.

And then she’d ran.

Ran away from the people full of joy and happiness who she felt couldn’t and wouldn’t understand the turmoil she was going through. All they knew was Kylo Ren and she didn’t have it in her at the time to even begin talking about Ben Solo. The wound of his loss was still too achingly raw. She’d told her friends that she was leaving, because she knew Finn would chase her down otherwise, but didn’t say much of why. Chewie gave her the _Falcon_ and Poe gave her BB-8. To stay in touch, he’d said. She’d managed to sporadically over the years, but she’d never met in person with any of them after that. It’s the one thing she regrets most of her years of wandering. It’s why she set the beacon, a wish and a hope to see them one last time.

Apparently, they should’ve talked. At least, about some of it.

“You felt that?”

Rey intimately knows the pain of a bond broken suddenly by death. While any other sort of bond she'll have will never be as deep as her dyad with Ben, she never imagined that she and Finn could have one. She’d never even considered it. Maybe that’s what he wanted to tell her when they were sinking in the sands on Pasaana. And while she’d spent the years away mourning for Ben and what they could’ve had, Finn had apparently been left alone with the echoes of her own death haunting him.

“When you flew off Exogol with us, I convinced myself that I’d just imagined it.” He bows his head, shoulders shaking. “But you actually did die, didn’t you?”

Now Rey scoots back to Finn’s side and wraps him up in her arms. She doesn’t say anything as he collapses into her, shoulders still shaking but not making a sound save for his harsh breathing. Yes, they really should’ve talked about that day.

Of course, this is the moment all power goes off.

Kriffing hell, she’d forgotten how quickly Han and Chewie had found them.

Her eyes snap back to Ben, who is obviously in no condition to meet his father right now, and Rey’s not really willing or ready to deal with Han seeing his son for the first time in years. She’s not even prepared to see him herself, but she doesn’t have a choice in that particular matter. Instead, she can at least make sure Ben is awake for _that_ eventual meeting.

For the first time since he died, Rey uses the Force to bolster her strength, as there is no way she can lift Ben by herself and she’s not about to make Finn help her. Not with this, anyways. Stupid idiot is a head taller than her and has a good 30 kilos on her. Still, she manages to stumble her way to the crew quarters that are on the opposite side of the _Falcon_ from where Han and Chewie will enter. She’s just gotten him situated on the bunk when the lights come flickering back on.

“Rey, are we going to hide again?” Finn asks, apparently having followed her.

She sighs. “No, don’t really see the point.” She marches back to the main hold, plopping down into one of the seats. “I can stop any blaster shots if necessary.”

[Does Droid-saver know who has caught us?] BB-8 inquires, and Rey’s a bit ashamed to admit she’d forgotten about her other friend.

“Yeah, I know them,” she assures him. “Don’t worry, we’re going to get you back to the Resistance one way or another.”

Finn immediately settles in beside her. “So what, we’re just going to sit here and wait for them to come on board?”

She gives him a flat look. “I’m not even going to bother attempting to try and flood the ship with gas again. I’m not risking Ben like that.”

“We _are_ going to be talking about that later, understand?” Finn hisses, looking perturbed but thankfully willing to wait instead of pressing further. It’s one of the many things she loves about him. Very rarely does he press her on things she’s unwilling to talk about. There are things, however, that she’ll have to talk about now, regardless of whether or not she actually wants to. He deserves that much from her, what with the mess they’ve all landed in.

“I never doubted that for a second,” she returns dryly.

“Good,” he mutters as they hear the airlock open.

There’s a brief moment of only boots scuffling the floor before, “Chewie, we’re home.”

And Rey closes her eyes, suddenly swamped by emotions she’d expected but not expected to threaten to drown her in. It’d been etched into her mind that the last time she heard Han Solo speak, it was trying to call his son home. A desperate plea from a father to his wayward son. She’d forgotten about this carefree manner of the smuggler. Of the simple joy of him having his ship back.

She opens her eyes as Han and Chewbacca round the corner.

They all stare at each other for the span of two heartbeats before Han demands, “Where’re the others? Where’s the pilot?”

“I’m the pilot,” Rey says as firmly as she can. It’s taking all her self-control to keep from either bursting into tears or trying to hug either of them. She’s well aware that neither of them would appreciate or welcome such a gesture at the time.

//Any other crew?// Chewbacca adds, his crossbow lowering ever so slightly.

“We’re the only crew.” And that’s even true to a certain degree. Rey’s done the piloting, Finn’s manned the gun, and all Ben’s managed to do is get on board and promptly fall unconscious.

“Huh.” Now Han lowers his own weapon. His eyes dart between the two of them with an incredulous look. “And you just decided to, what, wait for us here?”

Rey shrugs a shoulder. “I had a feeling we’d be fine.”

Han’s expression immediately goes flat. “A feeling?”

She gives him a smile that’s sad and pinched despite her best efforts. “A feeling,” she repeats. Not like she can just come out and say she knew who’d locked onto them because it’s already happened to her and Finn. While Han might believe in the Force, she doesn’t think he’ll buy a time-travel story. She’s still attempting to wrap her head around it, and it’s happening to her. Also, it’s been all of a measly hour since her world upended.

Han stares blanking at her for a moment before just shrugging it off. “Where’d you get the ship from, anyway?”

“Niima Outpost,” Rey promptly replies.

“Jakku? That junkyard?”

“Thank you, junkyard,” Finn mumbles under his breath, only to yelp. “Ow!”

Rey calmly withdraws the fingers she’d used to pinch him with. She knows and acknowledges that Jakku is in fact a junkyard. That doesn’t mean she’ll let Finn poke her about it without retaliating.

Han turns to Chewie. “Told you we should’ve double-checked the Western Reaches. Who had it? Ducain?”

“We stole it from Unkar Plutt. He stole it from the Irving Boys, who stole it from Ducain.” Rey’s a little impressed with herself that she actually remembered all that. Then again, this was a memorable moment for her the first time around.

“Who stole it from me!” Han finishes off the list before starting for the cockpit. “Well, you tell him that Han Solo just stole back the _Millennium Falcon_ for good.”

“And you called it ‘garbage’,” Finn teases her good-naturedly.

She huffs out a grudging laugh. “Well, I didn’t know this was the ship that made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs at the time. Just goes to show what I knew.”

//It has seen better days,// Chewie agrees. //She was white and clean once upon a time.//

Rey smiles fondly at the Wookie. “She just needs some love and attention, is all. Besides, I think it adds to her charm.”

Chewie gives her a knowing look. //You know your way around a ship, then?//

“Scavenger,” she explains in a self-deprecating tone of voice. “Gotta know what the good bits are if I want to eat.” It is a bit alarming to her, however, just how quickly she slid back into that mentality when Chewie asked the question. She lets out a slow exhale of air, releasing her tension into the Force as much as she can.

“Rey.” Finn lays a hand on her arm with a concerned look.

She wraps her fingers around it, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m alright,” she assures him.

“Hey!” There’s stomping of boots on metal as Han comes back to the main hold. “Some moof-milker put a compressor on the ignition line.”

“Unkar Plutt did it,” Rey chimes in. “I thought it was a mistake too. Puts too much—”

“—stress on the hyperdive,” Han finishes with her. His lips twitch as if he’s impressed with her knowledge (which she knows he is, he offers her a _job_ later), but then he turns away with a wave of his arm to the Wookie. “Chewie, throw ‘em in a pod. We’ll drop them at the nearest inhabited planet.”

//Han…// Chewie growls.

Behind Rey, BB-8 beeps forlornly. She springs to her feet and races after the smuggler. “No, wait. We need your help.” And she’d really rather not have to use the Force to achieve it this go round.

Han pauses in his marching, allowing her to catch up. “My help?”

“Yes, our droid has to get to the Resistance base as soon as possible.” Han scoffs and starts walking again, but Rey persistently follows after him. “He’s carrying a map to Luke Skywalker.” And boy is she going to give her former Master an earful. She might’ve made peace with Luke already, but the one in the here and now is still hiding away like a scared little boy, and she intends to let him know just what she thinks of that. This mentioning of his old friend does finally bring Han to a full stop. Rey watches as he works his jaw before turning back around to face her. To face them, as she feels Finn at her shoulder. “You knew him,” she presses on, even though she can feel his conflicting emotions concerning his friend in the Force.

Han’s lips twist into a wry smile. “Yeah, I knew him. I knew Luke.”

_THUD._

Han’s expression goes panicky at the sound. “Don’t tell me a Rathar’s gotten loose.” He immediately starts running off the _Falcon_ , leaving both her and Finn staring after him.

“Damn it, I’d forgotten about the Rathars,” Finn grumbles, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Why’s it gotta be Rathars? I _hate_ Rathars.”

“Come on, standing here won’t do us a bit of good,” Rey says, tugging at his arms before running after Han. “BB-8, you come too.” They hurry out of the _Falcon_ and over to where Han and Chewie are standing at a series of control panels.

“Why in the _hells_ are you hauling Rathars on this freighter?” Finn demands as they catch up. Rey notices that he legitimately looks shaken, like he might even be ill. Last time she’d never seen a Rathar before, so hadn’t understood his panic until after. Now she wonders if the First Order used them in trooper training and _that’s_ what’s got Finn so worked up. It makes her blood boil just considering it.

“None of your business,” Han retorts as he punches some buttons on the camera control panel. “Oh great, it’s the Guavian Death Gang. Must have tracked us from Nantoon.” He turns on his heel and starts marching deeper into the freighter.

“If you let the Rathars loose again, I am going to be _so_ pissed at you,” Finn hisses.

“I’m not planning to,” she throws back.

“Oh, so you have a better plan this time?”

She fixes him with a flat look. “I do, actually. Now come on. We have to be with Han for my plan to work.” They race after Han and Chewie yet again. The Wookie kind of side-eyes them, but doesn’t comment on their brief moment of lingering behind.

“I’ve got three of them going to King Prana,” Han informs them.

“Three Rathars,” Finn repeats dully. “Going after one’s suicidal, but _three_?”

Han shrugs. “Used to have a bigger crew.” He stops in the middle of the walkway and opens up a manhole to the lower corridor under the metal grating. “Get below and stay there until I say so and don’t even think about taking the _Falcon_ ,” he instructs while pointing a finger in warning to Rey.

“What about BB-8?” Rey asks.

[Stay with Droid-saver?] the droid requests. Rey might’ve teared up just a smidge. BB-8’s only known her for less than a day and already trusts her so much. She and Poe had a rather in depth conversation at one point about BB-8’s programming and she knows just how slow the droid is to trust.

Han, unfortunately, nixes the request. “He stays with me until I get rid of the gang, then you can have him back and be on your way.”

BB-8 beeps forlornly.

“You’ll be okay,” Rey tries to assure him. “Han will keep you safe.”

The sudden _thud_ from behind and Finn’s high-pitched squeal reminds her that a Rathar is literally right there. She allows herself one shudder before looking back at Han while Finn drops down below. He’s watching her with a puzzled expression. “What are you going to do?” she asks before following her friend, even already knowing the answer.

“Same thing I always do. Talk my way out of it.”

//Sure you do,// Chewie scoffs.

Han turns his accusatory finger to the Wookie. “Yes, I do. Every time.”

Rey’s snort of amusement (because she’d sat with General Leia enough times to hear some of her stories about her late husband to know Chewie has the right of it) is covered up by the sound of the airlock doors opening and the steady tempo of marching boots approaching.

“Do we need to move?” Finn asks softly.

“No, here will be fine,” she replies, settling herself into a lotus position with her hands resting palm down on her knees. She lets her eyes slide closed for all that she still pays attention, because for her trick to work, she needs to wait until both gangs are on board.

“Han Solo! You’re a dead man.” The leader of the Guavian Death Gang, she notes.

“Bala-Tik. What’s the problem?” Han calls back.

“The problem is we loaned you 50,000 for this job. I heard you also borrowed 50,000 from Kanjiklub.”

“You know you can’t trust those little freaks. How long have we known each other?”

Bala-Tik scoffs. “Not long. We want our money back now.”

“You think hunting Rathars is cheap? I spent that money.” Though whether or not it was actually spent on Rathar hunting, Rey muses, is another matter entirely.

“Kanjiklub wants their investment back, too.”

“I never made a deal with Kanjiklub!” Han protests.

“Tell that to Kanjiklub.”

The other airlock opens, and Rey drops her awareness into the Force. She finds all six members of the Guavian Death Gang on board, notes their positions from where Han and Chewie are standing, then moves onto the six from Kanjiklub. She focuses on her breathing.

Inhale

_I am one with the Force._

Exhale

_The Force is one with me._

Inhale

_I am one with the Force._

Exhale

_The Force is one with me._

“That BB unit.” Bala-Tik’s voice cuts through her trance, as it’s the warning she’s been waiting for. “The First Order is looking for one just like it. And two fugitives. Something about how they also—”

Rey’s eyes fly back open, and after making sure she’s wrapped all twelve beings with her presence in the Force, commands them to, “ _Sleep_.” The sound of heavily armored bodies unceremoniously hitting metal echoes from both ends of the corridors.

“Okay, that’s still really creepy,” Finn comments, even as he stands up to open the manhole and clammer out.

“It worked, didn’t it?” Rey throws back while hauling herself out as well. When she looks down the corridor to where Han and Chewie are still standing, she finds both staring at her like she’s grown another head.

“Kid…” Han shakes his head. “Kid, was that _you_?”

She allows herself a wry smile. “There’s a reason I want to find Luke Skywalker, General Solo.”

“How long will this last?” Finn asks in the silence that follows.

“Not too long, I didn’t want to hurt them.”

“Then let’s get _going_.”

She lets Finn take her hand and drag her back towards the _Falcon_ , trusting that Han and Chewie will follow after them. It’s much more enjoyable than running away from Rathars. And Chewie didn’t get hurt this time. Onboard the _Falcon_ , Rey heads straight for the cockpit. She immediately starts flipping switches to get the engines online.

The sound of Han’s boots approaching are quickly becoming a welcome noise. “Hey, what do you think—”

Rey doesn’t bother turning around while she explains herself. “Unkar Plutt installed a fuel pump too. If we don’t prime that, we’re not going anywhere.”

“I hate that guy,” Han articulates as he joins her in preflight preparations.

While she’s a bit surprised that Chewie doesn’t try and oust her from the co-pilot seat, she doesn’t make any indication that she’s willing to leave. “Watch the thrust,” she instructs instead of Han this time. “We’re going out of here at lightspeed in case they have people still on their ships.”

“Lightspeed?” Han repeats even while sounding impressed. “Out of the hanger?”

She flashes him a teasing smile before using his own line on him. “I never ask myself if it’s impossible until after I’ve already done it.”

It gets her a bit of a smile in return before he’s back to scowling at the controls. “This is _not_ how I thought this day was gonna go.”

 _You and me both_ , Rey thinks to herself.

“Angle the shield,” he instructs. Then he turns to holler back into the ship, “Hang on back there!” Rey all but basks in the sound of the engines roaring fully into life as they lift off from the hanger floor and point towards the big door. “Come on, baby, don’t let me down,” Han pleads while pushing the lever for lightspeed. When nothing happens, he pulls back a bit with a perturbed expression, going, “What?”

Rey points to the necessary switch. “Compressor.”

Han huffs out a breath, but flips it and throws them into lightspeed, taking them off the _Eravana_ and away from the gangs.

* * *

When Bala-Tik comes to, it’s to find his men sprawled out around him and Kanjiklub in a similar position at the other end of the corridor. A quick scan of the freighter informs him that the _Falcon_ is gone, along with any other personnel with only the Rathars left behind. He takes out his communicator and radios back to his ship.

“Inform the First Order that Han Solo has the droid and that it’s aboard the _Millennium Falcon_. No sign of the two fugitives or Kylo Ren.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite as long as I was hoping for it to be, but hey, I like the ending.
> 
> Enjoy!

Ben wakes up legitimately feeling like someone dropped the Death Star on top of his head. Repeatedly and with prejudice. The loud humming of the _Falcon’s_ engines doesn’t help in the slightest. Of course, because the universe hates him with the burning passion of a thousand suns, the engines rev up even louder in telltale warning that they’re about to go into lightspeed. Pain ricochets through his skull in splintered pathways, making him wish for sleep’s dark oblivion again.

“Kriffing hell,” he groans out, just managing to lift his arms and press the heels of his palms to his aching eyes. It does nothing to help. He hadn’t really expected it to. And he hurts too much to even bother trying to get back to sleep. Having no real desire to just stare blankly up at the ceiling or the backs of his eyelids, he instead gingerly pushes himself upright. The world swims briefly, and he has to brace a hand against the wall, but he doesn’t topple back over, nor does his stomach violently rebel. Given that he has no idea how much time as passed, his best bet is to go and find Rey.

The thought of her is still like a punch to the gut. Even after Force only knows how long of essentially sleeping in her soul (because while he’d given her everything, they were and still are two that are one), he’s still dumbfounded and amazed by her. She never, not once, gave up on him. _Him_ , Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren. Not taking his hand that day on the _Supremacy_ had been a blessing in disguise, for all that it bit of betrayal at the time. He knows he doesn’t deserve her, her light, her warmth, her _love_. And yet, all she has to do is smile at him and he’ll come running.

With that thought in mind, because damn it all he wants to see that smile again _without_ dying this time, Ben stands up. The ground sways underneath his feet, but he lurches forward one step at a time. There’s a haze of voices ahead of him that he follows, latching onto the lone female one. When he reaches the last bend before the main hold where the voices are coming from, his knees decide they’ve had enough of walking. He just barely manages to stumble around the corner before hitting them.

“ _Ow_ ,” he grunts, the metal grating not at all kind.

And there she is, kneeling in front of him with a frown painted on her lips as she reaches out a hand to touch his cheek. Even covered in sand and grit as she is, Ben nearly wants to follow his grandfather’s example and call her an angel. She seems like one right now, all haloed in blue light. “Ben, you should still be sleeping,” she worries at him, fingertips sliding across his face and leaving a trail of fire in their wake.

Yeah, he’s realized that. Figured it out pretty much as soon as he woke up. Doesn’t mean it’s actually going to happen. He slumps forward to drop his forehead on her shoulder and just breathes. Inhales, gathers up all the stress and anxiety that he can, and exhales it all out. No need to have temptation to the Dark Side lingering if he can help. Not for now, at least. Hopefully he’ll get to a point where using pain to bolster himself won’t be instinct, but until that day comes, he’ll just have to try and be aware enough to seek out Rey when the temptation rises. A shudder wracks his body before he abruptly ends up collapsing fully onto Rey.

“Sorry,” he manages to choke out, head swimming. He squeezes his eyes shut in a vain attempt to center himself.

“Gods you’re heavy,” she grumbles, but nevertheless gathers him up to her. Pressed close enough to feel her heart beating against his own chest, the sob that escapes him despite his best efforts seems inevitable. “Shh, Ben, I’ve got you.” Fingers card through his hair, and in any other given situation it actually would’ve helped him calm down. Right now, though? Right now he’s apparently letting out a lifetime’s worth of grief and heartbreak. On the floor of the _Falcon_. Not where he’d’ve chosen to have an emotional breakdown, but his control is kriffing shot. It reminds him a bit too vividly of Exogol, actually.

He’d known, climbing back up from that hellhole Palpatine had flung him down, that she was gone. That her starbright presence in the Force had already winked out. But he’d had to see the truth of it with his own two eyes. Had to cradle her lifeless body against his still living one. His parents were already lost to him, but to then lose her as well? He’d been a breath away from shattering, teetering on the edge of diving back into the Dark if only it could call her back to him. Even if she ended up despising him, even if she cursed his name with every breath she took afterwards, he’d felt it would’ve been worth it. But then he’d remembered what she’d done for him on the Death Star as waves crashed over them. She’d given him a part of herself. And so, he’d found the starbright light still flickering inside him and poured it into the other half of his soul. Offered up all that he ever was and all that he ever could be. Nothing else mattered so long as she _lived_. Up until her fingers brushed over his hand, he hadn’t dared to hope that his Solo worthy gamble might pay off. And the Force mercifully granted him one single moment to really hold her before his strength left him.

“Oh kid.”

The unexpected sound of his father’s voice has Ben jerking upright for all that pain slams through him at the sudden movement. He finds himself staring wide-eyed at Han Solo kneeling beside him and Rey, a devastated expression on the man’s face. Han has a hand partially reaching out as if he’s unsure of himself, as if he’s wondering if he can even comfort his own son.

Ben doesn’t even pause to contemplate not reacting. He snaps a hand out and grabs ahold of the man he thought lost to him forever. Clings tightly to him for all that he refuses to move completely out of Rey’s embrace. She’s the one thing keeping him semi-anchored at the moment.

Han seems to realize this, and he shifts to be able to wrap his free arm around the two of them. “I’ve got ya, kid, I’ve got ya.” And then, of all things, he starts humming an Alderaanian lullaby. Badly, _horribly_ , but Ben instantly recognizes the song as one his mother would sing to him as a child. His favorite, in fact. When Rey proceeds to join in, a surprisingly soft harmony to Han’s dry husky voice, Ben knows that if he wasn’t already enamored, this would’ve made him fall fast and fall hard. He does wonder when exactly Leia decided to teach it to Rey. What conversation led to that particular revelation.

Eventually, mercifully, Ben no longer feels like he’s drowning in his emotions. He’s able to wrangle back control with a few gasping breaths before they’re left with the hum of the ship and his harshing breathing.

“Sorry,” he mutters into Rey’s throat, cheeks hot with embarrassment.

He feels more than hears her broken laughter. “Ben, you _never_ have to apologize to me for your emotions.” The fingers still in his hair tighten a fraction, and he leans into the grounding touch with a sigh. His head still aches, but nowhere near as badly as it did earlier. He twitches ever so slightly when Han abruptly clears his throat.

“Well kid, I gotta say, didn’t exactly expect to see _you_ of all people on my ship again.”

Ben huffs out a watery chuckle. He has to brace against Rey, but he manages to raise himself up so he’s sitting between her and Han. She keeps a hand firmly wrapped around his waist and presses herself up against him. He leans back into her in thanks for the support, figuratively and literally. Then he truly looks at his father for the first time in years.

Han looks much the same as when he last saw him. Silver hair with all his years etched into his face. The leather jacket Ben remembers sleeping peacefully under whenever meetings ran long, and he and Han were left waiting for Leia while he refused to go to sleep in his bed. Ben bets it still smells of Wookie and what he’d termed as the _Dad smell_ when he was younger. There’s a tension in his shoulders, a tension Ben knows is _his_ fault. Tension born from his idiotic shit as Kylo Ren and the man most likely wondering if he can even trust Ben now.

“Hey Dad.” The words sound as rusty as they feel coming out of his mouth, but Force does it feel good to say them again. He also considers it a blessing that he won’t ever stand before this man and tell him that his son is dead. That he won’t ever try to purposefully break his heart in service to a master who’s merely another puppet in a long line of strings being pulled. To say nothing of the fact that Ben is now very much _not_ able to draw his lightsaber and face his father. Or his mother, for that matter. He’s just glad he’s already used up all his tears for the day, because he knows he’d be crying again otherwise.

Han mirrors Rey’s earlier actions, mirrors his actions from that day on Starkiller Base, and cradles the side of Ben’s face in the palm of his hand. Another shudder shakes his body at the touch. It’s only through combined sheer Solo and Skywalker stubbornness that Ben manages to stay upright. He’s had just about enough of collapsing for the day. For the year, really, but he unfortunately knows that the abrupt breaking of his Force bond with Snoke is going to haunt him for a while yet. Anakin hadn’t been kidding that, even with Rey’s steady presence, he’s very much out of balance. He and his father stare at each other in silence for several heartbeats before Han’s lips twitch up into a fond smile.

“It’s kriffing good to see you again, son.”

Despite how raw and shattered Ben still feels, those words feel like a Force blessed cleansing. They’re a reminder that, even before, Han never truly gave up on him either. He’d still believed that he could call his son home. His lips tremble even as they spread into a smile.

“You too, Dad.” Even his voice his shaking. “You too.”

“Um?” Ben’s eyes snap over to where Finn’s standing beside Chewie looking decisively uncomfortable. “We reached Takodana.”

Takodana?

Oh, where he’d chased after Rey the first time. And the home of Maz Kanata. Why exactly had Han brought Finn and Rey here?

“Ben, do you think you can reasonably walk any sort of distance?” Rey asks him.

While it grates on his nerves, he knows better than to lie to her. “No.” He might make it a short way, but his legs would just give out on him again and he’d end up being a liability. He refuses to put Rey in that sort of position. He’d much rather be nursing an injured pride as opposed to an injured partner.

“Then you’ll have to stay on the _Falcon_ for now.”

He gives her a wry smile. “I figured as much.”

“And you’d just trust him here by himself?” Finn protests, taking an agitated step forward.

The desert dry flat look Rey fixes on him makes Ben swear to himself to try and _never_ get that focused on him. It makes his skin crawl and he feels the judgement in it for all that its not pointed at him. “If you’re that concerned, then you can stay here with him while I go with Han and Chewie to talk with Maz.”

Finn reels back as if he’d been struck. “Rey, I didn’t—”

She immediately cuts him off. “I’m not asking you to trust him, Finn. I realize that too much has happened to just expect you to be fine.” She barks out a bitter laugh. “I don’t expect Ben to trust you either. However, I am asking the both of you to trust _me_.”

Finn’s voice is hushed as he says, “You _know_ I trust you, Rey.”

Ben feels her chest rise and fall as she just breathes for a moment. “Then please, stay with him. You were right that we can’t just leave him here alone. He has no reasonable way to defend himself if something happens.” Kriffing hell is that true. He’s practically useless at the moment. He doesn’t even trust himself to be able to reasonably use the Force. “We should be in and out of Maz’s fairly quickly, so it’s not like you’ll be alone together for long.”

“Kid, how’d you know I brought you here for Maz?” Han interrupts before Finn can reply.

It’s only because they’re still pressed up against each other that Ben feels Rey’s flinch. “I’d say that the Force works in mysterious ways.” Stars does that sound just as vague and annoying as when Luke said similar.

Han raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “Don’t think that’s quite how the Force works. Wanna try again?”

Rey jerks her chin up, every bit as stubborn defying the father as when she defied the son. “I need to talk to Luke and Leia before I’m willing to say anything else.”

“Kid—”

“I know I haven’t given you much reason to trust me, General Solo, but I’m asking you to now. We need to get BB-8 to the Resistance as soon as possible. You can ask me all the questions you want after that. I’ll probably even answer most of them.”

Han regards her almost warily for a moment. Then he points a grudgingly impressed finger at her. “You’ve got spunk, kid. For that, I’ll trust you just this once. Then I want _answers_.”

Rey’s shaky sigh of relief rattles through Ben as she briefly drops her forehead onto his shoulder. “Thank the Force,” she mutters into his shirt. He agrees with her. Thank the Force indeed. “Okay Ben, let’s at least get you into a seat.” She scoots around so they’re face to face, then offers him both of her hands. He eyes them dubiously for a moment before the mischievous twinkle in her eyes catches his attention. She’s doing this on purpose. He grins ruefully, but takes the offered help. It's heady feeling the Force wrap around the both of them as she helps him to his feet. For all that he towers over her physically, in that moment he feels dwarfed by her strength, her power, her control. He sways for a moment, his head not appreciating the change in elevation. Rey waits patiently as he wrangles his body back under control before slowly but surely leading him over to the bunk tucked away behind the game center. Mercifully his legs don’t shake as he sits down.

“Thanks,” he mumbles, the manners his mother drilled into him resurfacing in the wake of wanting to be good enough for a woman he spent the majority of their time together trying to tear down.

Rey smiles fondly at him, carding a hand through his hair. It’s a little ridiculous how much he melts into it. “If you need me…”

“I’ll be fine. How much trouble can I get into here?” he tries to assure her.

“You’re a Solo and a Skywalker,” she throws back at him a touch dryly. “Trouble is practically your middle name.” She leans down and for a blazing moment, Ben actually thinks she’s going to kiss him. Instead she gently bumps her forehead against his, closes her eyes and just seems to breathe him in. Ben lets his own eyes slide closed and basks in her steady, humming presence in the Force. He thinks he could probably do this for hours if ever given the opportunity. “I’ll be back.”

Ben knows what such a promise means coming from her. He taunted her enough about that particular fact. To discover that she’s still willing to offer it to him, to promise that she’ll come back to him, makes his heart ache. “I’ll be right here.”

She gives him one last smile before marching smartly away. Ben watches her go before his gaze snaps back to his father when the man steps towards him.

“You’re not gonna tell me anything either, are you?” Han asks, for all that he sounds like he already knows the answer he’s going to get.

Ben shrugs half-heartedly. “Too much to explain.” And it doesn’t help that he has no kriffing clue how they ended up in this situation in the first place. Against his will, his head droops momentarily before he jerks back upright. Stars, he’s _still_ tired. For all that he wants to stay awake, he feels like he could sleep for a solid week.

Han huffs in obvious exasperation. “Yeah, well, get some rest kid. We’re going to have a _real_ long talk after all this shit is done.”

“Mkay.” He leans back so he’s still sitting up but has some form of support behind him. Only then does he actually let the exhaustion he’s been fighting since waking up wash over him. He vaguely tracks the sounds of Rey, Han, and Chewie leaving the _Falcon_ , and then Finn stomping around. That only lasts for a bit before the former trooper settles in what Ben assumes is the cockpit, as he’s not in the main hold with him and that’s the direction he last heard sound from. In the silence that follows, Ben dozes in and out of consciousness. While he doesn’t exactly trust Finn, he does trust that Rey trusts him with Finn. After a time, there’s footsteps heading back towards him, so he cracks an eye open. “What?” he asks slightly irritably. He can doze just fine with the other man on the ship, but not if they’re in the same room and _he_ _keeps staring at him_.

Finn’s got a fierce looking scowl on his face and his arms crossed over his chest. His feet are planted firmly and Ben can see a combination of trooper and Resistance training in his stance. “I don’t trust you.” the man states flatly. “I don’t trust you, but I’m gonna have to learn to live with you because I refuse to make Rey’s life any harder. She, more than anyone, deserves to be happy. For reasons I don’t understand, _you_ make her happy.”

Ben snorts in laughter, mostly at himself. “If I ever figure it out, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

That gets him the barest hint of a smile before Finn sobers back up again. “Just wanted to get that off my chest.” He grimaces. “And apologize.”

Now it’s Ben’s turn to frown. “Apologize? For what?”

“For this.”

Ben barely has time to react before there’s a gun in his face, a bright flash of light, and then darkness slamming into him faster than he can blink.


	4. Chapter 4

Ben claws his way back to consciousness spitting mad. His head aches nearly as bad as when he woke up the first time, only now there’s a steady throbbing where the blaster shot (thankfully set to stun) hit him. Adrenaline rushes through him as he jerks himself upright and staggers to his feet, making him forget that he’s actually been tired and still is tired to a certain degree.

Friend of Rey’s or not, he’s going to wring that trooper’s _neck_. But to do that, he first has to find the bastard.

“If you’re looking for General Dameron, he’s already left.”

Ben nearly trips over his own feet as he whirls around to face the sudden voice. It’s yet _another_ Force ghost. Only this one he has to look up at. It’s a rather odd experience for him. In general he towers over just about everyone. The only time he ever really looks up at people is when he’s kneeling, something he plans to avoid doing now because just _no_.

“What?”

The man brushes an imaginary piece of lint off his robes. “General Dameron? If you’re looking for him, he’s already left.”

Ben grits his teeth so hard his jaw starts aching. “And you know this how, exactly?”

An unimpressed eyebrow gets raised. “I’m the one who sent him on his way. I did _not_ , however, suggest stunning you before he went.”

Ben pauses, rolling that sentence around in his mind a few times and still not quite understanding. “ _You_ told Dameron he had to leave me here alone, even after Rey specifically requested he stay with me? Why?”

“Because, Ben Solo, in the grand scheme of things, not much has changed thus far in the story. The First Order is still coming to Takodana seeking the droid. While Kylo Ren is no more, the Knights of Ren still very much exist.” Sithspawn, he’d completely forgotten about them. Kind of understandable, he thinks to himself, given that he’d had to go through all of them on Exogol before getting to Rey. In his mind they’re still dead and dealt with. “They are coming to Takodana and will not leave until they have the map to Luke Skywalker in some way, shape, or form.”

Ben suddenly has a horrible feeling that he knows exactly where this is going. “I—”

“The only three people at the moment on Takodana who specifically know where Luke Skywalker is are you, Rey Skywalker, and General Dameron himself. I informed the General of this. As you might imagine, he was very adamant that Rey not be taken this time.” Well, that’s one thing he and Finn agree on. “To ensure she not be taken, either you or General Dameron needed to get to the Knights of Ren before her. I merely pointed out that you were liable to follow after him if you felt him leaving.”

“So he decided to shoot me in the face,” Ben deadpans. Well, in all honesty, Ben can’t say he blames him for taking the opportunity. Doesn’t mean he’s going to _like_ it. Being stunned from point blank range kriffing hurts.

“Indeed.” The Jedi master fixes Ben with a knowing look. “He mentioned something along the lines of not allowing the Knights of Ren to get you either when I questioned him afterwards.”

And this, _this_ is the moment that Ben knows that he and Finn, eventually, will be friends. Because Finn didn’t have to do that. And while it’s probably more so Rey doesn’t have to chase down the Knights of Ren for capturing him, it’s still Finn thinking to keep Ben safe. Of course, Ben also knows that Rey’s going to want to rescue Finn from Starkiller Base just like he did for her. He should probably also make sure he’s with her when she realizes _what_ Finn did. Otherwise, all of this will have been for nothing, and Ben really doesn’t want to have gotten shot for nothing.

“Are there any blasters left on board?”

“No, General Dameron took the last one.”

Of course he did. “Any parting words of wisdom?” he asks sarcastically.

“That these are your first steps, Ben Solo. Choose them wisely.”

And then Ben is alone again. He takes a deep, fortifying breath before marching out of the _Falcon_. A lake is what greets him first, along with getting smacked in the face by the smell of pine. Further down the shoreline he spots Maz’s castle. Another deep breath and then he’s sprinting through the trees. He only manages to get so far before the Force screams in his ears, practically forcing his gaze skywards as he skids to a halt.

It takes him a moment to see it.

But then he does.

Red light streaking across the sky.

Ben feels his stomach heave.

He’d forgotten that General Hux ordered Starkiller Base used once before it was destroyed. Last time he’d stood on the bridge of his ship watching it all unfold with cold indifference, so sunk into the Dark Side that the attack and its consequences meant nothing to him. Now, enveloped by Light, he’s forced to endure the feeling of millions of lives winking out all at once. All their terror and panic helplessness just snuffed out. Five planets gone almost in the blink of an eye. It’s over with almost as soon as it began, and all is quiet again in the Force. If it weren’t for the raw ache Ben still feels, he could almost pretend it never happened.

The unfortunately familiar screaming sound of approaching TIE fighters reminds Ben that he still has to get to Maz’s place. Especially given that that’s where they’re all converging on. Despite his rolling stomach, he presses onward. He’s rather glad he ditched the cloak before he headed to Jakku, as it would’ve made running in a forest difficult.

The TIE fighters rain down a barrage of shots the moment they’re within firing range, sending stone flying from the force of the explosions. Ben grits his teeth when he sees his old command shuttle descending. He just _knows_ that the Knights are on board it. He’s going to have to either avoid them or deal with them before they can alert anyone to the fact that he’s on Takodana.

Unsurprisingly, it’s utter chaos. Ben sinks into the Force, ducking and weaving amongst the blaster shots flying all over the place as people defend themselves from the attacking Stormtroopers. He follows the siren call of the kyber crystal in his grandfather’s lightsaber. It leads him back to Rey and Han and Chewie. Who are surrounded by troopers with their hands up by their heads. Why Rey hasn’t attempted to use either the Force or the lightsaber, Ben doesn’t try to figure out. Instead, he pulls a tried and true classic Solo move. Grab all the attention you can and pray you can talk your way out.

“Hey!”

Everyone jumps when he shouts. In any other circumstances, it would be hilarious. Instead he gets hit full force with Rey’s panic and terror at the sight of him.

_What are you doing here?!_ she practically screams at him.

He doesn’t get a chance to answer. Movement out on the water catches his attention, along with the attention of the troopers. And then there’s X-Wings in the air shooting down the TIE fighters. Ben uses the distraction to call the lightsaber to him. The metal almost seems to sing when it smacks into his palm. He inhales sharply and then moves. It’s a dance his body still remembers as troopers fall to his blade. Han, Chewie, and Rey grab blasters and start taking out troopers further away. Ben continues to circle around the three of them, deflecting any blaster shots that come their way. For all that fights seem to last forever while moving, when Ben finally slides to a stop not much time has actually passed. His chest heaves as he watches the sky where the command ship is flying away before Rey smacks into him. He scrambles to turn off the lightsaber so he doesn’t accidentally hurt her with it.

“What were you _thinking_?” she demands. Ben’s pretty sure she’d shake him if she could. “Why’d you leave the _Falcon_? Where’s Finn?”

Ben reflexively wraps an arm around her without meaning to. He dips his head to briefly breathe her in. “Give me a moment,” he mutters, adrenaline still pumping for all that the fight’s finished. It’s making him twitchy and uncomfortable. Of course, an X-Wing has to come screaming towards them, blowing up all the loose dirt and dust in the area. Ben presses Rey’s face to his chest in an attempt to shield her, his own eyes and mouth tightly shut as he rides out the storm until the engines cut off. He still seems to get a mouthful of dirt out of the ordeal. Even before the pilot scrambles out of his fighter, Ben already knows who it is. At this point, there’s really only one option.

Poe Dameron trips over his own feet as he races over to them, sweaty hair wild when he rips off his helmet and just dumps it on the ground. He’s breathing just as harshly as Ben was moments before, eyes wide and pupils blown. Ben can almost taste the terror and confusion pouring off him.

“What the _kriffing hell_ is going on?!” he finally manages to spit out through panting breaths, trembling so hard he seems liable to come apart at the seams. “And someone had better tell me where the hell my husband is, or we are going to have _issues_!”

“Ben,” Rey whispers, pressing a hand to his heart and looking up at him pleadingly. “Where’s Finn?”

Ben scrubs a hand over his face, wincing when it makes the ache between his eyes where he’d gotten shot flare up again. “Finn is currently in the custody of the First Order, more specifically the Knights of Ren. Before you arrived, he was one of three people on the planet who actually knows Luke Skywalker’s location. He refused to allow Rey be taken this time.” Here he fixes an exasperated look on Poe who appears to be gearing himself up to rip into Ben. “Before you yell at me about turning him over to the First Order to gain your trust, your husband decided to shoot me point blank in the face to keep me from following after him.”

Poe stares at him for a second, expression going flat. “And you just expect me to believe that? You expect me to take _your_ word on where my husband is and how exactly he got there? How do you even know that if he did shoot you?”

Pressure that Ben hadn’t quite noticed building suddenly makes his ears _pop_ and then the Force Ghost from earlier is back. “Ben Solo knows because _I_ told him, General Dameron.” Ben finds himself blinking rapidly when Poe lets out a startled shriek and skitters towards him and Rey. He hadn’t thought that people not Force sensitive could see Force ghosts, but apparently he was wrong.

“Master Jinn?” Rey gasps.

Ah, _that’s_ who the man is. Qui-Gon Jinn. The master of his master’s first master.

Qui-Gon smiles kindly at Rey, inclining his head. “Master Skywalker.” There’s a teasing lilt to his voice, one Ben would pay more attention to if his head wasn’t starting to threaten to spin on him. Especially because Rey’s cheeks flush pink. He glances down at the hand still holding the lightsaber and he finds it shaking. Violently.

He barely manages to choke out, “ _Rey_ ,” before his knees buckle on him for the second time today. The ground he’s standing on is barely any more forgiving than the metal grating in the _Falcon_. Dirt bites under his fingernails as he fights for air that doesn’t seem to want to come. Stars dance in and out of his vision, white spots that grow bigger with every passing second. He’s choking on nothing and everything and the weight of the universe is pressing down on his chest while his heart goes supernova and—

Hands slap onto his cheeks and he’s suddenly forced to look at Poe instead of the ground. “Ben, I need you to breathe with me, alright?” Poe’s voice is surprisingly steady in the midst of the chaos Ben’s drowning in. “In—” His shoulders rise. “—and out.” His shoulders fall. “In—” Ben forces himself to copy Poe for all that it feels like nothing’s happening. “—and out. In and out. In—” Air finally seems to burn down his throat and he greedily sucks it up. “Steady, steady. Keep breathing with me, buddy. In and out. In and out.”

That’s what Ben centers himself on. Poe’s steady instructions and the synchronized breathing of the three of them. He can feel Rey pressed up against him, can feel her chest rising and falling in time with his. She has a hand fisted in his shirt, and his neck feels wet where her face is resting. Damn it all, he’s made her cry. If his body would just kriffing _behave_ , he’d have a much easier time not making her cry. Only once his tremors die down does Poe finally release him.

“Okay, I vote we _don’t_ do that again,” the pilot rasps, heaving a huge breath of his own now that he’s not helping Ben breathe. He rocks back onto his heels while Rey crowds up into Ben’s lap. “That was way more excitement than I needed today.”

“Seeing as I don’t plan on having to break anymore training bonds with Sith Lords, I think we’ll be good,” Ben deadpans before he can stop himself.

Poe blinks once before his expression becoming calculating. “You _are_ Ben Solo, then?” His tone gives nothing away as to if he thinks that’s a good or bad thing, which leaves Ben rather impressed.

He dips his chin down. “Yes.”

Poe regards him silently, gaze drifting down to Rey who’s clinging to Ben with her wet face pressed into the crook of his neck. There’s steel in his voice when he finally asks, “You’ll help us get Finn back?”

His lips twist in a wry smile. “I’ll help you blow up Starkiller base if you want. I never did actually like the blasted thing.”

“Good, good.” Then with a groan Poe drops his face into his hands. “Also, would you mind explaining why we’re a good fifty years in the past and dead people are walking around? I thought I was just dreaming again, but then you were down here with Rey, and…” He trails off, unable to finish his sentence.

And that clues Ben onto the fact that they have an audience behind them. Not surprising, given he had to remember how to breathe like a normal being. He doesn’t try to turn around, instead focusing on Rey. “Hey starshine.” The endearment slips past him as he trails a hand down her back. He steadfastly ignores his now burning cheeks. “Could you possibly go to Poe for a little bit?” The shudder that shakes her almost shakes him. “Hey, hey, I promised, remember?” He gently but firmly tugs at her until she uncurls and can look at him with red-rimmed eyes. “I’ll come back to you. Always.”

She sniffles, a sound that tears at his heartstrings more than he cares to admit. “Ben, they don’t—” Her voice catches in the back of her throat. “Leia doesn’t—”

It takes a moment, but what she’s trying to say finally hits. While the people behind them don’t know her, she has years worth of memories of them. She _knows_ them, especially his mother. But now she has to let them learn about her all over again. And Ben knows Rey. Knows her down to the very depths of her soul. She’s worrying over the possibility of them not liking her. “Oh cyar-ika, she’s going to _love_ you.” Ben sweeps a hand up to cradle her still wet cheek. “She did once already.” Rey just shakes her head, burrowing back into Ben’s chest. He sighs into her hair, half exasperation and half fondness.

“Hey Rey?” Poe suddenly speaking again has Ben’s head snapping back up. The man is smiling, for all that his lips are trembling. “Think you could spare a hug for an old friend?”

If it weren’t for the fact that he’d get decked doing it, Ben would’ve honestly kissed the man. Instead, when Rey moves to go to Poe, he presses a swift kiss to her forehead before letting her go. He watches for a moment as they cling to one another, Poe rocking them back and forth while futility blinking away the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. Rey doesn’t make a sound, the need to hold in her suffering still too instinctive. It’s not until the man gives him a jerky nod that Ben shuffles away to haul himself to his feet. His legs tremble as they’ve been wont to do all day, but they hold him.

Only then does he turn to face his parents, shoulder to shoulder for the first time in what he assumes is years.

To face his _mother_.

She and him haven’t stood face to face like this since before he ran from Luke’s training. All he ever saw of her after that was what appeared on the holonet if he ever looked. And he hardly ever did. Too much temptation.

She’s aged just as much as his father. Her rich brown hair is now shot through with silver, no elaborate braids that he remembers being so fascinated with. All the trials and hardships she’s overcome are etched in the lines drawn across her face. Ben wonders if any of them are for the happy times he recalls from his childhood. He desperately hopes so.

He ends up having to clear his throat, a lump having risen up in it. “Hey Mom.” It’s a croak, sounds just as rusty as calling Han ‘Dad’ did, but again, so freeing to be able to even _say_ it.

She takes a single step forward, a step towards _him_. “Ben?”

And so he smiles. Smiles for all that he still isn’t used to doing so. Pours all his happiness and joy and love into it at just being able to stand before the woman who gave him life again. Even with the distance still between them, Ben hears her hitch in breath. Who moves first, he never really figures out. All he knows it that one moment they’re staring at each other, the next they’re a tangle of limbs. The strength of her embrace belays her slight frame, making him feel safe in a way he hasn’t since he first left home. Indulging in a passing thought, Ben proceeds to lift his mother clear off her feet. Her startled laughter is like a balm to his soul, making his smile grow even bigger for all that she can’t see it. Han can, watching them as he is. He looks almost wistful doing so. Ben doesn’t hesitant, extending a hand out to the man to join them while still managing to keep Leia aloft. If Chewie didn’t push Han forward, Ben wonders if the man would’ve come by himself. Regardless, when he stumbles close enough, Ben yanks him into the embrace. Han grumbles under his breath but he comes all the same.

And for a single heartbeat, everything is perfect.

Then Ben remembers that Rey isn’t in his arms with them, and the moment ends.

He lets go of Han and sets Leia back down on her feet. There isn’t a dry eye among the three of them, but they’re all smiling. Han indulgent but happy, Leia fierce and proud, and Ben’s cheeks just hurt. He almost chuckles when Leia sweeps a hand across them, but instead just leans slightly into the touch.

“While I expect a full explanation soon, I’ll just say this for now.” Leia’s smile is full of motherly pride and affection, and Ben basks in it. “Welcome home, son.”

Ben laughs now, overjoyed to hear the words. “It’s good to be back.” His expression turns rueful. “And if I ever figure out what’s going on, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

“I’d say it’s your fault, Solo, but well…” Poe pipes up from behind.

Ben turns to see both Poe and Rey have gotten to their feet. Poe has an arm slung over Rey’s shoulder, tucking her up against his side. “Kind of hard, given my former situation,” Ben deadpans. Rey flinches at the reminder of Exogol, and he wonders how long it’ll take before she doesn’t do that anymore. How long he’ll have to live before she doesn’t cringe at any mention of his death.

“Exactly,” Poe drawls, having given Rey a squeeze of comfort. “Now, we have a First Order base to blow up and a husband of mine to retrieve. Let’s regroup back on D'Qar and see if we can’t come up with a better plan than last time, as Finn’s not with us this go round.”

Ah yes, coming out of lightspeed after getting through the planetary defensive shield. That had pissed off a number of higher ups in the First Order, but it was just the sort of reckless plan Han Solo was known for. Ben had been grudgingly impressed when he’d finally learned about it.

He lets a smirk come out as he replies, “Aye, General.” It’s worth Poe flummoxed expression because it makes Rey chuckle. Anything that makes Rey laugh is a good idea. “You’ll want to get back in your X-Wing if we’re going to go anywhere,” he adds with a nod to the fighter when none of them actually make to move.

“Yeah, yeah.” Poe waves his words away. “You good, Rey?”

She gives him a small but true smile. “I’ll see you back on D’Qar.”

Poe kisses her cheek in reply, steps forward to slap Ben’s back and then marches smartly back to his X-Wing. Ben wonders at his lack of acknowledgement towards his mother, but then sees the coiled tension in the man’s shoulders and remembers that Poe looked up to and served under Leia for a number of years. That her sudden reappearance will have shaken the man just like it has him. And unfortunately, there’s no time for anyone to really fall apart like he thinks they all want to. So he makes no mention of it.

“Rey,” he says instead. “Who do you want to go with?” She just blinks befuddled at him. “My mom or dad. Who do you want to fly back to D’Qar with?” She worries her lower lip between her teeth, peeking briefly around him. Her eyes abruptly going wide is all the warning Ben gets before a hand settles on his lower back.

“I think my people can get back to base without my being on the command ship,” Leia informed them softly. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not let either you or your father out of my sight for the time being.”

“Fine with me,” he agrees breathlessly. He hadn’t been too keen on separating from one of them anyways. “Rey?”

His beautiful starbright girl breathes in and out before nodding her agreement as well for all that he can feel her hesitation in the Force. She takes his hand when he offers it, squeezing his fingers tightly for a brief moment.

“General,” she murmurs, dipping her head to Leia in deference.

Leia just smiles warmly in welcome, like Ben knew she would. “If you can make my Ben look so besotted, then just call me Leia.”

Heat blooms across his cheeks when Rey glances up at him with a fond look. “Leia, then.”

* * *

Finn hurts just about everywhere, but still he grits his teeth and endures. He’d chosen this so Rey wouldn’t have. He’d also been right that the First Order isn’t going to force him through reconditioning since he announced he’s seen the map they want.

The Knights of Ren don’t have Kylo Ren’s abilities to manipulate the Force, so they have to use physical means to try and make him talk as they don’t have time for mental torture. Not if they want to try and beat the Resistance to Luke Skywalker.

He’s grimly satisfied that they won’t get Luke’s location out of _him_.

He’s General Finn Dameron of the Resistance, and he knows that they’re coming for him. Poe and Rey won’t allow for anything else. He just has to hold on until they arrive. He does remember what Rey told him of her time here, how she managed to trick the guards into leaving and escaping. In brief moments he has alone, he tries centering himself as much as he can with the fragments of training he possesses. Another thing to talk to Rey about once he gets out of here.

The near silent _hiss_ of the door sliding open tells him that his momentary solitude is over.

“Ready to talk yet, traitor?”

Finn bares his bloodied teeth. “ _Make me._ ”


	5. Chapter 5

Leia watches them.

Her son come back to her and this unknown woman who he gravitates around.

When she sent Poe to Jakku, she’d hoped he’d come back with a map to lead them to her wayward brother. Instead she loses one of her best pilots only to regain him again thanks to a Stormtrooper that defects, her absent husband miraculously shows up with the droid said pilot had been forced to leave behind, and her son she’d lost thanks to her own stupidity returns with a scavenger girl from Jakku who clings to him just as much as he clings to her.

Han hadn’t been able to give her any satisfactory answers. Just that he’d found them in the _Falcon_ and that Rey, who can apparently use the Force, claimed she’d explain things once they found Luke.

She really hopes the map BB-8 has gets them to her brother.

Leia watches them.

Ben’s been hovering ever since they set foot on the ship again. Ever since Rey marched up the ramp and faltered momentarily. Even now that they’re sitting, he’s got their fingers twined together and resting on his leg. She in turn is twisted mostly towards him to press up against his side. Leia wonders just how much Rey knows of her son to trust him so. The way she looks at her son, though, that _does_ give Leia pause.

Rey watches Ben like she’s afraid he’s going to disappear if she looks away.

And it’s a soul deep fear, not a passing fright for someone just newly met and newly rescued. How exactly they met when Rey’s been on Jakku and Ben...well Ben wasn’t is a burning curiosity in Leia’s mind. She does realize that it’s probably going to be a bit before she gets answers. For now she simply delights in the bond between them for all that it worries her still.

BB-8 is sticking ridiculously close to Rey, calling her ‘Droid-saver’ of all things. The first time he does, Ben snorts out a chuckle that has Rey hitting him lightly with her free hand. He grins back her in boyish delight and helpless wonder, like he can’t actually believe she’s real. For all that they move around each other as easily as breathing, there’s still a newness about them that speaks of not a lot of time together.

Leia watches them.

Leia watches and waits.

She’s unfortunately gotten rather good at waiting.

* * *

When they touch down on D’Qar, Leia’s only half surprised that Poe’s already waiting for them and that he sprints onto the _Falcon_ the instant he can. She might not’ve been able to hear most of the conversation between her son, her pilot, and the scavenger, but she could still see the steady comradery between Poe and Rey, and the blossoming comradery between Poe and Ben. The fact that Poe’s _still_ avoiding looking at her? That does worry her. She can see the tension in him, can almost picture how it presses down on him. While she might not’ve completed her Jedi training with Luke, she still knows how to listen to the Force and her instincts. It’s because of them that she’s leaving things be for right now. Starkiller Base takes priority.

“You guys still good?” Poe immediately asks, even while dropping a hand on top of BB-8 who’s chirping up a happy storm at having his favorite human back.

“Yeah, still good,” Ben grunts as he levers himself to his feet.

Rey, however, reaches out to take one of Poe’s hands in hers. “We need to talk about Exogol, Poe.”

The way both men stiffen has Leia taking a step toward them in concern. The fact that the Force suddenly feels drawn tighter than a bow string just waiting to snap doesn’t help matters. And the word ‘Exogol’ sends a shiver of dread down Leia’s spine. One she hasn’t felt in years for all the chaos of her life currently.

“Rey, I _really_ cannot deal with talking about Exogol right now,” Poe states flatly. “It’s taking all my self control just to focus on bringing Finn home. If I try and think about anything else, I’m gonna lose it, and we don’t have _time_ for that.”

“Poe, it’s—”

He interrupts her. “Is this about Ben and me trusting him?” He’s apparently at least somewhat correct because Rey’s eyes widen ever so slightly. “Do _you_ trust him?”

“With my life,” is Rey’s immediate reply. No hesitation, no thinking it over for a moment. Just a heartfelt declaration that has her son’s cheeks flushing.

“Then that’s all the assurance I need,” Poe says. He seems to hesitate for a second before adding, “You told us that Kylo Ren died on the Death Star. Whatever happened after that, whatever that meant for you on Exogol, can wait until we get Finn back and can go after Luke.”

Rey inhales deeply and Leia feels the Force relax as she breathes out. “Alright.”

She does wonder at how they’re talking about going after her brother like it’s a done deal. They haven’t even looked at the map yet, as far as she knows, so there’s no telling if it’ll even be helpful. And yet, for some reason, she too feels as if it’s inevitable.

Poe nods jerkily. “Ben, would you be willing to tell us what you know about Starkiller Base?”

“What I can remember is yours,” Ben assures him, “but Starkiller was more Hux’s project than mine.” For some reason, this makes Poe blink rapidly and give her son a peculiar look. “What?”

“I just realized that Hux is probably going to throw a party when he finds out that you’re no longer with the First Order,” Poe comments blandly.

Leia knows the man they’re talking about. As one of the First Order’s prominent Generals, Armitage Hux is rather well known throughout the galaxy. To say that Leia has never been truly impressed would be an understatement. And it has nothing to do with the fact that Hux is bastard born. He’s just a rather slimy individual with visions of grandeur who has no qualms about doing anything to make sure they’re achieved. His lack of a backbone, in a manner of speaking, has given Leia cause for wonder many a time at just _how_ he managed to climb so high to the post of General.

Ben pauses, tilts his head slightly, and then snorts. “Yeah, he probably would, if he could hide it from Snoke.” The sharp hiss of air from Rey has Ben pressing even closer than he’s already standing. She has a look of utter fury on her face for one heartbeat before it melts away. “I’m here, cyar-ika, I’m here,” Ben murmurs.

Another deep breath. “Is it possible that Snoke will be on Starkiller Base?” Rey asks flatly. There’s the ferocity of a warrior in her voice, along with an edge Leia remembers and knows intimately. The deadly sharpness evoked from one’s loved ones being threatened.

Ben’s reply is immediate. “No, Snoke never set foot on the planet.”

“Pity.”

“General?”

As Leia turns towards the call from outside, she sees Poe reacting exactly the same before abruptly catching himself. Curious. She suddenly remembers that Ben had addressed him as ‘General’ back on Takodana. She files that away to contemplate later while marching off the _Falcon_.

“Yes, Lieutenant?”

A salute is smartly snapped out. “Fleet Command is waiting for you, ma’am.”

Of course they are.

The downside of being General and in charge. Especially in circumstances like they’re currently in and people want answers and reassurances.

Leia sighs. “I’ll be there shortly.” She turns back so she’s facing into the _Falcon_. “Time to get moving!” she hollers. Two sets of feet immediately start moving as Han and Chewie come into view. Han gives her an exasperated look, most likely from being ordered about again by her for the first time in years, but he doesn’t comment as he stomps down the ramp. It takes another moment before Poe, Ben, and Rey follow after. All three look harrowed but resolute.

“Right, I gotta go check in with my squad.” Poe groans, dragging a hand down his face. “Something I am suddenly _not_ looking forward to. Kriffing _hell_.”

Rey instantly lays a hand on his arm. “Do you need—”

Poe waves her off. “No, you stick with Ben. He needs you more than I do right now. I just gotta figure out who the hell to send to do reconnaissance on Starkiller Base so we have information to work with beyond what Ben can remember.”

Leia raises an impressed eyebrow. While she doesn’t doubt Poe’s ability to lead a squadron of X-Wing pilots, she thought he was still learning to see the bigger picture, to look further than the battle right in front of his face. To have evidence otherwise is gratifying. Now she’s more secure in knowing that the Resistance will be in good hands should something happen to her. Not that she plans on getting herself killed anytime soon. She just got her family mostly back together, after all. “I’d suggest Captain Wexley and Captain Kun,” she offers.

Poe blinks at her, his face cycling through a myriad of emotions before settling into something she privately would call a ‘command’ face. The one where everything not pertaining to the mission is pushed aside to be dealt with later. “That’ll work perfectly. Thank you for the suggestion, General.” He inclines his head to her before marching off.

“BB-8, wait a moment,” Rey says when the orange droid makes to follow after Poe.

[Droid-saver?] Somehow, despite not having any facial features, the droid still manages to look longing after his usual pilot for all that he stays beside Rey.

“General Organa needs to see the map you have,” she explains softly.

Ah yes, the map that Leia’s certain both is and isn’t what she’s looking for. She no longer wants to find Luke to have one more voice to try and call Ben home. She has her son back. No, now she just wants her brother to come home again. She’s had enough of the Dark Side tearing her family apart.

* * *

Waiting is something that Rey, unfortunately, is rather good at.

That doesn’t mean she likes it anymore now than she did fifty years ago.

At least now she has an idea of when her waiting is going to end. They need the information that Wexley and Kun are bringing back before they can proceed any further. While she, Ben, and Poe know what they’re up against, no one else does, and the three of them are in no position to be able to explain it to anyone right now. It’ll dredge up too many still sore wounds. Poe had been right to stop her earlier from talking about Exogol. Now is not the time to devil into that, for all that she’d felt it necessary to explain to Poe about _why_ he could trust Ben. Of course, she hadn’t counted on Poe trusting in her trust in Ben.

For all that she’s learned, she’s still apparently woefully ignorant about relationships of any sort. Chuckling ruefully to herself, she acknowledges that given that she learned a lot about relationships from _Skywalkers_ , that might have something to do with it.

During their waiting, she and Ben are taken to a side room full of crates and left there by themselves briefly. While there’s no door to shut in their faces, that’s what she feels like happens when their escort abruptly leaves. She reminds herself that no one here save Poe knows her. To them, she’s just a scavenger from Jakku, not the last Jedi who’s also their last hope. She’s still blinking after their escort when Ben drops down onto a crate with a groan.

“Ben?” She hurries over while he cradles his head in his hands. He hisses sharply through his teeth when she brushes her fingertips across his forehead, making her snatch her hand away.

“Sorry,” he mumbles. “The pain, it keeps coming and going.”

“It’s alright,” she assures him, dropping to her knees in front of him. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

He barks out a hoarse laugh only to wince. “Well, it no longer feels like the Death Star got dropped repeatedly onto my head, so I’m better than when I first woke up.”

Worrying her lower lip between her teeth, Rey allows her awareness to drift shallowly into the Force. Ben is ever a supernova presence, a twined harmony of Light and Dark now instead of drowning in Darkness. She knows that she’s much the same, a balance of both sides of her heritage. She can also see how they mirror each other, her Light to his Dark and his Light to her Dark. Their dyad bond hums strongly between them, the sum of their parts braided so intricately together and a constant reminder that he’s _here_ and with her and she’s not alone anymore. However, there are tattered, frayed strings that hang off of Ben. They randomly jerk and tug off into the unknown.

The remnants of his bond with Snoke, she realizes.

When Ben hisses again and one of the strings gets pulled taunt briefly at the same time, she decides she has to at least try and do something. So she sinks further into their bond, rests her hands over Ben’s, lets her eyes flutter closed, and envelopes him with her Force presence. Silence descends, leaving just him and her and the sound of their breathing. She coaxes the fractured parts of him back inwards, soothes the jagged edges as well as she can.

When she feels she’s done as much as she’s able to at the moment, Rey comes back to herself. The silence fills up with the bustling sounds of the base as she rocks back on her heels. She almost lazily blinks her eyes open, her hands dropping away from Ben’s when he exhales shakily.

He’s staring at her.

Staring at her with wide eyes, pupils blown and cheeks dusted pink.

The awe and reverence in his gaze makes her own cheeks flush, but she’s unable to look away.

They both just stare until someone clears their throat behind Rey. She jerks around to find Poe standing in the doorway, incredibly awkward looking. His eyes are resolutely trained onto the wall above their heads. “Yeah, hate to break up whatever it is you’re doing, but Fleet Command want to talk with you guys.”

Ben huffs out a sigh. “Of course they do,” he mutters while getting to his feet. Rey stands with him, lips already pressed together in displeasure. If any of them try to do anything to Ben, she’s going to retaliate. She did _not_ just regain the other half of her soul for someone to take exception to his very existence.

“If you could _not_ glare them all to death before they even say anything, that’d be greatly appreciated,” Poe says, voice full of exasperation.

“They’re entitled to their distrust,” Ben adds. “I’d actually be _less_ inclined to trust them if they _did_ trust me right off the bat just because I’m their General’s son.”

Rey makes a disagreeable noise in the back of her throat. “Fine. But the _instant_ they start talking about doing something about their mistrust, I’m going to inform them just how bad an idea that is.” Ben grins fondly at her, making her just cooling cheeks warm again. “What?”

“It’s been a while since I had so fierce a defender,” he murmurs, reaching up to absentmindedly tuck a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. “I kinda like it.”

Stars, now even her _ears_ are burning.

Poe groans despairingly. “I am now desperately hoping that Finn and I weren’t anywhere _near_ that disgustingly cute.”

“You were,” Rey immediately retorts. “You really _really_ were. Rose bemoaned the fact pretty much every time we talked.”

“Traitors. You’re all big fat traitors,” her friend grunts, yet not sounding terribly displeased by that. If anything, he sounds overly fond and happy.

Rey just shakes her head, but then immediately sobers because _Rose_. Given that the woman hasn’t come running to find them like Poe did, she doesn’t remember. A friend gained only to be lost. She inhales sharply as grief slams into her. While she mourned for her mentors, lost before they should’ve been, she’s never really had to mourn for a friend before. Jakku didn’t allow for true friends, and by the time she’d made more friends than Poe, Finn, and Chewie, the war had been won.

“Rey?”

Both Ben and Poe are hovering almost instantly. Poe’s got his concerned face on, eyebrows scrunched together as his lips twist into a frown. Rey’s never been on the receiving end of it in person, but now she understands why Finn called in intense. Poe’s always been an all or nothing kind of guy, and it’s a bit overwhelming having all that energy focused solely on her. Ben just wraps an arm around her waist and presses her up against him. The steady thumping of his heart helps somewhat.

“Sorry,” she chokes out, scrubbing viciously at the tears that gather in her eyes. “Sorry, I just—”

“Fuck, _Rose,_ ” Poe curses under his breathe.

“Another friend?” Ben inquires softly, his grip tightening ever so slightly.

“Yeah,” Poe answers when it becomes clear Rey can’t manage to get words out past the lump in her throat. “One I don’t think remembers. She hasn’t come looking for us even though Rey didn’t come to D’Qar until after we rescued her last time.”

“Ah.”

Mercifully, neither man says anything more as Rey pulls herself back together. She smoothes over the newly broken cracks in her heart as much as she can for all that they’re still raw and bleeding. There is still no time for any of them to break anymore than they already have. They have to get Finn first. Get Finn, go to Luke, and only then can she finally let go of all the accumulating grief and terror she keeps experiencing.

“Alright.” Rey takes a deep breath, thankful that it doesn’t shake too noticeably. She takes another one, then nods decisively. “Alright, let’s go.”

Poe shoots her a pained, knowing look, but nods in agreement. “Alright, follow me.” He turns on his heel and marches back into the base. Rey follows him and Ben follows her.

It’s almost like walking through a hazy dream. She only has vague memories of this base, having only been in it for a week at the most, but walking through it again is waking said memories back up. They don’t go far, yet Rey still feels a multitude of eyes following every step she and Ben take. It crawls under her skin and rattles her more than she cares to admit. These are people she has fought for freedom alongside, bled with and for, even _died_ for. And yet now they watch her with wary eyes, unsure of her presence in their home.

_We’ll be okay,_ Ben murmurs as Poe takes them into another off room, only this one has a door that gets shut behind them.

_I know,_ she whispers back.

Besides Leia, Han, and Chewie, there are five other beings seated in the room. Two humanoid females and three males, one a Mon Calamari and the other two older humanoid. None of them look entirely thrilled with the situation, but Rey’s thankful no one starts spitting curses the instant the door shuts.

When no one speaks after a few strained moments of silence, Poe steps forward and clears his throat. “Okay then. Rey, Ben, this is Resistance Fleet Command. Admiral Gial Ackbar, Captain Idrosen Gawat, Lieu—” He abruptly coughs, shifting his weight awkwardly from one foot to the other. “Operations Controller Kaydel Ko Connix, Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo, and Vice Admiral Resdox.” Each person nods when their name is said, but Kaydel gives Poe a searching look at the slip during her introduction. Rey assumes it’s because of a promotion that hasn’t happened yet. “Sirs, this is Rey and Ben Solo.”

“We know who he is, Commander Dameron,” Idrosen says gravely.

“Then let me assure you, Captain, that Kylo Ren is dead,” Ben returns just as solemnly. He places a hand on the small of Rey’s back when she flinches minutely. Across from them Leia briefly closes her eyes, and Rey feels both her relief and grief resonate through the Force. “Kylo Ren fell in the remnants of the Death Star on Kef Bir, stabbed through with his own lightsaber.”

Amilyn shifts in her chair to lean forward and rest her arms on the table separating Fleet Command from Rey, Ben, and Poe. Her purple hair is her rather defining feature as far as Rey can tell. “That’s a rather fanciful tale. What makes you think we’ll believe it’s true?”

Ben pressing his fingers into her back is the only reason Rey stops from snapping like she wants to. “I have no proof I’m able to give you. It’s for you to decide if I’m telling the truth or not.”

“You fell to the Dark Side once already, Solo,” Resdox interjects, and Rey wants to scream at him for the condemnation she hears in his tone. Like he isn’t even going to bother listening to what Ben has to say. “What keeps you from doing it again and betraying us all?”

“I _snapped_ the bond between myself and Snoke,” Ben states flatly, not rising to the perceivable dig at his past actions. “Deliberately. This makes it impossible for another one to be created. Especially because Rey has tended to frayed ends left behind.”

This is apparently something none of Fleet Command was aware she could do. Amilyn straightens in her chair, a curious expression flickering across her face. “Indeed?”

Rey makes her chin jerk down and then back up. “I did. It was hurting him.” Something she refuses to allow if it’s within her power to do something about.

“You can use the Force, then?”

Rey fixes Resdox with a desert dry look. “ _Yes_. It’s why I’m seeking Master Luke.” Despite their perceived age difference, the Vice Admiral is the one who looks away first, shifting uneasily in his seat. She’s viciously pleased by this particular fact.

“Rey,” Poe mutters.

She huffs but relaxes her stance, not having realized she put herself just a bit between Ben and Fleet Command.

“You care for Ben Solo,” Amilyn comments, her voice betraying nothing. There’s no condemnation, just a simple statement of fact.

It’s because of that that Rey is able to meet and hold her gaze. “I do.”

“There are those who would condemn you for that.”

“I am aware.” Oh is she ever aware of that particular fact. It’s part of why she ran, but she’s done running now. When she speaks again, the Force is heavy in her voice for all that she doesn’t try to sway anyone in the room. “Ben Solo saved my life. He saved my life at great—” She chokes on the sob that claws its way out of her. Even with fifty years gone by and Ben beside her again, she still can’t talk about Ben’s fate without crying. She blinks furiously, intent on finishing. “At great cost to himself. I will stay by him to whatever end.”

In the corner, Han abruptly snorts. “You gonna do that every time she compliments you, kid?”

Rey looks at him oddly, not quite understanding the question until she turns to look at Ben. He’s staring resolutely at the ceiling, his expression giving away nothing. However, a dull flush of red is slowly spreading across his cheeks and over the tip of the ear that Rey can see.

“ _Han,_ ” Leia sighs in fond exasperation.

“What? I don’t remember him being this easily embarrassed. If this is gonna be a thing, I just might have to stick around a bit longer.”

Ben groans softly and drags a hand down his face. “Thanks Dad.”

Resdox is obviously gearing himself up to say something more, but before he can speak, they’re interrupted.

_Knock, knock._

The door creaks open and a woman in a pilot uniform sticks her head in. “Apologies, sirs, but Commander Dameron asked to be immediately informed when Wexley and Kun returned from doing reconnaissance on Starkiller Base.”

Poe exhales explosively. “Thanks Pava. I’ll be out shortly.”

“Sir.”

When the door shuts again, Poe turns to Ben. “You ready?”

Ben heaves out a sigh. “No, but let’s go do it anyway. Not like we have time for me to _be_ ready.”

“Ready for what?” Resdox demands, getting to his feet and planting his hands on the table. Probably to make himself intimidating, but they faced down Palpatine and won. A blustering Vice Admiral isn’t going to rattle them.

Ben’s voice is as dry as Rey’s was earlier. “Discussing blowing up Starkiller Base.” He grins at Resdox’s flummoxed expression, and Rey follows after him with a quiet hum of pleasure.

“So, was Han right?” Poe abruptly asks as they march out to the landing strips.

“What?” both Rey and Ben say, not quite following.

Poe flashes them an amused smirk. “Was Han right? Are you gonna go red every time Rey compliments you?”

Now Rey flushes with Ben as he bites out, “Dameron, _shut up_.”

The sound of Poe’s delighted laughter echoing around them makes up for the teasing, and a tension in Rey’s heart eases at the knowledge that Ben and Poe can get along. She instinctively knows she has another person in their corner, and one who knows what Ben did but will stand by him regardless. She sighs happily, slipping her hand into Ben’s and giving it an affectionate squeeze. For all the chaos and uncertainty, all is relatively right with her world. They just need to get Finn back, and she’ll be even better.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I made myself cry writing the first half of this chapter.
> 
> Fair warning
> 
> But otherwise, enjoy!

Han is observant, contrary to what some people seem to think.

He’s been smuggling for the vast majority of his life, being observant is kind of important if you want to stay _alive_. His version of observant just doesn’t usually line up to what other people think it should be. What can he say, it makes life interesting.

Anyways.

Back to how he _is_ observant.

He knows that Ben’s hiding something big. Something bigger than an unexpected history between him and a scavenger girl from Jakku that’s plain as day (subtly is not something Solos are known for, much to Han’s chagrin, and Ben is nothing if not his father’s son in that department). Something colossally _huge_ if the tells Han keeps spotting are right. And despite his best efforts, the not knowing is starting to get to him.

Oh, he knows better than to push. Learned that the hard way a while back before it all went to shit. Han’s stubborn even on a good day (he really has to be with a Wookie for a best friend), Leia’s stubbornness is known throughout the galaxy ( _two_ rebellions, anyone?), and so Ben learned from the best(or the worst, depending on your point of view).

But those _kriffing_ tells.

For all that Ben seems to want to constantly be around both him and his mother, he’s never able to really look at them. And when he does, stars, the pain and agony in his eyes (in _Leia’s_ eyes) chills Han down to his very bones.

There’s also this unfathomable grief and a kriff-ton of self-loathing that Ben seems intent on drowning himself in, and Han just wants to shake him and ask _why_. It somewhat goes away whenever Rey’s nearby, but it still lingers even then. Doesn’t help that she also gets ridiculously sad anytime he or Leia are in her line of sight just for a split second before she smoothes away all signs of her distress.

Of course, none of this takes away from the fact that his kid is back. His kid, his little Ben, who he thought he’d lost to the memories of a madman Ben never even met. Han knows he was generally just a shitty father all around, hindsight and all that, but the instant Ben had stumbled around that corner on the _Falcon_ , he’d been filled with a fierce, fatherly pride he’d only really felt once before.

The day Ben was born.

Han sighs, resisting the urge to scrub wearily at his face. Glad as he is to have Ben back, this day has been exhausting and it’s only halfway over with. First he finds the _Falcon_ again through a stroke of luck, only to discover his _son_ on it with two other people in tow. Then, when he takes them Takodana in an effort to get them and their droid to Leia safely, they _still_ get ambushed and he ends up face to face with his wife for the first time in years. That’s not even getting into the First Order weapon apparently built into a kriffing _planet_ they now have to contend with.

And he’d thought the Death Star had been bad.

The base is currently in organized chaos getting ready for an assault on said planet...base...thing. Rey and Ben are working with Chewie checking the _Falcon_ over, as they’re the leading members of this insane attack. Ben to get the shields down to allow the other pilots to approach the planet and Rey to find the man who’d turned himself over so neither Rey or Ben would be taken (he’s apparently something of a big deal to the two of them and that pilot who hovers as much as he can). Han, not quite willing to let Ben go harrowing off into the unknown, had offered up his and Chewie’s services along with the _Falcon_ to get his kid and girlfriend onto Ilum. _That_ , for some odd reason, had earned him pinched looks from Ben, Rey, and that Dameron guy. None of them had protested, though, which had struck him as odd. The old geezers of Fleet Command had done plenty of protesting, but that was in regards to Ben going, not Han. Leia had beautifully slapped aside every single one of their arguments, driving home the point that none of _them_ had a prayer of bringing down the shields should they be the ones to go. There simply wasn’t enough time. Ben’s bashfulness at having his mother immediately leap to his defense had been both amusing yet heartbreaking.

//You gonna just keep standing there, or you gonna do something useful?// Chewie’s question breaks through his wandering thoughts.

“Gets too depressing in there when I join them,” he grunts. Otherwise he would be in there with them. Gods, Ben is back and fusting away in the _Falcon_ with a girl who apparently knows her way around a ship, and Han is so ready to tease him over that, but the brokenness of the two just rubs him _raw_.

//The cubs are hiding something,// Chewie comments.

It doesn’t surprise him that the Wookie realized something’s up. “Yeah, noticed that.”

There’s a beat of quiet between the two of them. //Han, Ben looks at you like he’s already _lost_ you,// Chewie says solemnly. //He looks at both you and Leia like that.//

Han finds himself blinking against tears he refuses to acknowledge. “Been trying to avoid thinking about that, thanks.”

His friend snarls under his breath. // _Han_ —//

“Chewie, we don’t have _time_ ,” Han hisses, throwing a look towards his ship to check that neither kid is nearby to hear. The both of them are barely hanging on as it is for all that they hide it well, and the last thing they need right now is that last string snapping. If one goes down, Han knows the other’s going down with them. Too much is riding on this mission for that to happen. There’s nowhere near enough time to evacuate everyone before Starkiller Base fires again, and it’s pointed right at D’Qar.

He can be patient.

He’s usually not very good at being patient, but for this he’s willing to grit his teeth and bear with it. Just until Starkiller Base is dealt with, though. After that, if neither of them talks, Han just knows he’s going to end up doing something questionable that he’ll probably regret immediately afterwards.

//Then _make_ time!//

Han throws his hands up in exasperation. “When, exactly, am I supposed to make time? We’re prepping to go do something idiotic again and those kids ain’t gonna talk until they get their friend back. Can’t do much of anything till then.”

Chewie stares at him, but Han refuses to budge. //You gonna do something about it after that?//

“Course I’m gonna!” He chuckles ruefully to himself. “If Leia doesn’t get to them first.”

Chewie nods in solemn agreement. //True enough.//

They stand in silence, staring at the _Falcon_ and musing over the people inside. Han’s just getting ready to send Chewie back in when Ben appears at the top of the ramp. There’s still pain in his son’s eyes when they meet his own, but the set of his jaw reminds Han of when he’s made up his mind even knowing other people won’t like his decision.

“Dad, can we talk?”

A thrill still rushes through him to hear that title from Ben’s lips.

“Sure kid. Chewie, go help Rey, would you?”

The Wookie gives him a knowing look, but lumbers up the ramp and disappears into the _Falcon_ without protest. He does give Ben a pat on the shoulder that sends the kid staggering a few steps. It’s sad and funny at the same time. Han’s gonna be ridiculously happy when that conundrum of feelings stops happening. It makes his head hurt (to say nothing of his kriffing heart).

“So, what’re you going to ask me that I definitely won’t like?”

Ben doesn’t even have the good grace to act surprised. “I want you to stay here with Mom instead of coming with Rey and I.”

Ah, there’s the protesting he’d expected earlier.

“Ben, sitting around and waiting isn’t exactly my style,” he points out. “And more hands on desk—”

“ _Dad_ ,” Ben interrupts him, and the pure terror now in his voice shocks Han into silence. “I _need_ you to stay here. I can’t—” His son sucks in a rattling breath, hands spasming at his sides. “I can’t—”

It takes all his dodgy self-control, but Han doesn’t let his hurt show. Ben might be back, but that doesn’t mean he’ll always want anything to do with his old man. “Well son, if you didn’t want me going along with you, you could’ve said something in the meeting earlier.”

Ben frantically shakes his head. “No, it’s not—I thought—” His breathing becomes increasingly harsher as he jerks a hand through his hair. “I thought I could handle it, but I can’t—” Ben makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, turning in a tight circle before fixing an even wilder look on Han. “Snoke’s idea to completely purge the Light from me was for me to lure you in and then _kill you_. If you come with us to Ilum, he still might have one of the Knights of Ren do it just to spite me or force me to Fall again, and I can’t lose you!”

Oh.

Oh shavit.

He’s a kriffing idiot.

“Kid—”

“ _Please!_ I am willing to _beg_ if I have to, just please _please_ stay here with Mom.”

“Ben!” Han steps forward and grips his son’s shoulders. It’s only now that Han realizes Ben’s taller than him. When they’d sent their son away to train with Luke, even Leia was taller than him, but now Ben towers over the both of them. Another thing missed. He looks directly into Ben’s tear-filled eyes and finally understands the terror in them. In the face of them, there’s really only one thing to do.

“ _Please,_ ” Ben’s voice, now soft and pleading, breaks Han’s heart all over again.

“Alright son.” Hells, this has to be one of the hardest things he’s ever agreed to do (or not do, really), but he hates seeing his son like this even more. If staying back with Leia will give Ben even a bit of peace of mind, then he’s gonna do it. “You win. I’ll stay put.”

Ben sucks in a clearly startled breath. “You’ll…You’ll stay?”

“I’ll stay,” Han repeats, reaching up to brush away a tear that’s started rolling down his cheek. “I’ll even try my damnedest to get your mother off this planet if it all goes to shit again.” He only gets a moment to see utter relief blossom across Ben’s face before he’s wrapped up in his son’s surprisingly strong embrace.

“ _Thank you._ ”

Han wordlessly returns the hug, not minding how his jacket’s going to be so creased from where Ben’s gripping it. Movement out of the corner of his eye has him looking to the _Falcon_ again. At the top of the ramp is Rey. However, she makes no move to join them. She doesn’t even go off at him with Ben clearly recovering from being upset. She just catches Han’s gaze and dips her head to him before walking back into the ship.

“Alright kid, we’ve still got work to do,” Han says gruffly after they stand wrapped up in each other for longer than he can ever remember happening before.

“Right, right, sorry.” Ben lets him go and backs up two steps.

He nods to the _Falcon_. “Go on, she’s waitin for ya.”

Ben’s boyish grin of happiness is a delight to behold, even with red rimmed eyes. Han watches fondly as he lopes back into the ship before sighing heavily.

Now he gets to go find his wife and explain to her why exactly he’s _not_ going with their son to Ilum anymore, and he already knows she’s not going to be happy. Like, at all.

Joy.

* * *

Finn is very much of the opinion that he never wants to do this again. Being a prisoner sucks. Being a prisoner that knows things the enemy wants to know sucks even _more_. Especially when you’re at the mercy of the Knights of Ren. Add on top of that that to them he’s a traitor, and his day has just been shit ever since he turned himself over.

He doesn’t regret doing so, but he still never wants to do this again.

His right arm went numb a bit ago, and he’s pretty sure that’s a good thing since he thinks it’s actually broken. He’s not entirely sure. Pain from his legs has been making him woozy. Those aren’t broken. At least not yet. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know if they’ll support him if he manages to trick the guard into letting him go, so he’s stuck here until someone comes to get him.

And they are coming.

He’s learned to trust his instincts. And the Force.

So when the door opens again and Finn feels the starbright presence of Rey as soft footsteps approach, he can’t help laughing. Of course, he winces in the next second because _kriffing hell_ it hurts to laugh.

“Hey Rey,” he greets her as she rounds the room so she’s facing him.

There’s a single heartbeat as they stare at each other that Rey is expressionless. Then she inhales sharply and a fierce wave of protectiveness washes over him while her lips curl back into a snarl.

“I am going to _kill_ them,” she hisses, stepping forward and punching in a code that releases the restraints holding Finn in place. When he shifts to try and stand, she lays a hand on his chest. “No, don’t move just yet.” She shuts her eyes, and it’s only when her breathing begins to echo throughout the room that Finn realizes what she’s doing.

She’s healing him like she had that vexis snake out in the Sinking Fields on Pasaana. For the first time he has the entirety of her Force presence focused on him, and oh is she magnificent. He breathes out something like a sigh as she gathers up all the broken and frayed parts of him, and soothes them. They don’t completely go away, but now he knows he’ll at least be able to walk out under his own power.

“Now try standing,” she murmurs after she’s done, offering him a hand.

He takes it and levers himself to his feet. It’s only her quick reflexes that keep him from unceremoniously face planting on the floor. The lack of pain doesn’t mean his body has caught up with the fact yet. “I’m good, I’m good,” he hurriedly assures her after a few quick breaths. “The shields?”

“Already down.” She flashes him a grin that lights up her face. “We shoved Captain Phasma down a garbage chute for you. I insisted.”

That startles another laugh out of him, only now it doesn’t hurt. “I knew I liked you for a reason.” Stars, it’d made his day back then and it’s still making his day now. The notion of tossing his perfectionist former commanding officer down with the trash will never get old.

“Flatterer. Want to try walking now?”

Instead of answering, he takes a wobbly step forward. She huffs, but holds him steady until he no longer feels like his knees are seconds away from collapsing out underneath him. By then they’ve reached the door. The Wookie standing guard he expects. The Solo that’s there with Chewie he does _not_.

And he does see Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren.

Kylo Ren was always wound up so tightly that the slightest nudge was liable to send him off the deep end. Having to serve under him was considered both a privilege and a curse. A privilege because he was the Supreme Leader’s apprentice. No better way to rise through the ranks than to serve under him. A curse because any mistake, trooper made or not, usually ended with the man throwing a fit of epic proportions.

Ben Solo is an entirely different man.

There’s a looseness about him that immediately catches Finn’s attention. He’s still attentive of his surroundings, evident by his shifting weight when Finn and Rey walk out of the room, but he no longer seems like he’s going to completely unravel should something go wrong. His feet are planted firmly instead of the constant pacing Kylo Ren did, and there’s also an easy confidence in his body posture that Kylo Ren lacked. Like he’s comfortable in his own skin rather trying so hard to be something for someone else.

“You good?” Ben looks at Finn expectantly, which still surprises him for all that Finn acknowledges that it _is_ Ben Solo asking, not Kylo Ren.

“Yeah, I’m good.”

A small grin spreads across Ben’s lips. “Alright then. Let’s go help some rebels blow up a thermal oscillator.”

And abruptly, Finn feels his world go sideways because—

“ _Poe._ ”

Immediately, both Rey and Ben are holding him up when his legs buckle on him. He’s vaguely aware of Rey’s lips moving, but all he can hear is a roaring in his ears because only now does he realize he might have regained Rey only to lose Poe, and he’s not sure he can handle that truth. Now or later.

“ _Listen to me_.”

The command echoes in his head as he’s forced to really pay attention to Rey. He grits his teeth and waits despairingly for her to continue. He doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t—

“Finn, Poe remembers.”

And just like that, all is right with his world again. His legs lock back into place and hold him upright. He exhales harshly, only just now noticing his heart thundering away in his chest.

“Poe remembers?” he gulps out.

Ben is the one who speaks this time. “Yeah, he remembers. First thing he did was demand to know where you were. Said there’d be issues if we didn’t give him a good answer. He wasn’t very impressed when I said you were in the custody of the Knights of Ren and that it _wasn’t_ my fault. Master Jinn had to back me up.”

Finn cringes. “Yeah, sorry about that.” He fully expects Rey to yell at him about that later. He’d do the same if it’d been Poe, after all.

Ben claps a hand to his shoulder. “Just don’t make a habit of it. Now, we do need to get moving.”

Unexpectedly, a winter coat gets shoved into his hands. Finn stares at it momentarily in stunned disbelief before shrugging it on. Taking in a deep breath, he’s unable to keep from smiling when the smell of his husband washes over him. He’d thought it looked familiar. He notices that Rey and Ben are already wearing coats, and that Ben’s looks remarkably similar to the one Han had been wearing. For all he knows, it might be the same one.

Rey takes one of his hands in hers and uses that to pull him in the direction they need to go. Ben and Chewie fall in behind them as they hurry through this portion of the base. Finn’s still surprised at how silent the Wookie can be when he puts his mind to it. He’s also pretty sure Chewie used that to his advantage to scare the shit out of Finn quite a few times during and even after the war.

But now isn’t the time for reminiscing.

How they manage to get out of the base without running into any guards, Finn chalks up to luck and possibly liberal usage of the Force by Rey and Ben. He’s not certain about that second bit, but he wouldn’t put it past either of them. When they finally step out onto the snowy surface of Ilum, his eyes are immediately drawn to the dogfighting X-Wings and TIE fighters lighting up the rapidly fading sunlight with their gunfire. The surface cannons create echoing _booms_ every time they fire at an X-Wing.

Poe is up there, Finn thinks to himself as one of the X-Wings goes down in flames. And he’ll continue to be up there until they manage to give him an opening to fully destroy the thermal oscillator and thus the base. Not that the situation isn’t already urgent, but now Finn is doubly motivated to get shit done. All four of them sprint across the distance between the exit they just came out of and the thermal oscillator everyone’s fighting over.

Abruptly, Rey peels away from their group, and Finn nearly skids to a halt before Ben grabs ahold of him and forces him to keep moving.

“She’s getting the doors for us,” Ben grunts out over his sputtering protests. “She’ll join back up with us inside.”

Right. Right. He’d just gone with her last time.

Once inside, Finn and Ben shed their coats only to suddenly have blasters fired at him. Ben and Chewie return fire with deadly accuracy, and Finn laments the fact that he has no weapon. The Knights of Ren had obviously taken the blaster he’d turned himself over, and it hadn’t been in the room for him to take back. Ben must’ve noticed his expression, because he presses his blaster into Finn’s hands. When he tries to give it back, Ben pats his hip where Finn spots a familiar saber. “You take it, I’m still good.”

“Thanks,” he mumbles in return as the hallway of doors lifts. He just hopes that Rey also has a blaster to go along with the staff he rarely ever saw her without.

Upon reaching the heart of the thermal oscillator, the bombs in Chewie’s bag are quickly distributed between the three of them.

“We’ll set them on every other column, alternating levels,” Ben instructs. “Chewie, here’s the detonator.” The Wookie grumbles under his breath, but takes it. “Meet back here once you’ve finished.”

Finn goes in the opposite direction of Chewie while Ben drops down a level. The _thunk, thunk, thunk_ of his boots lulls Finn’s senses, dulling out anything else as he presses bomb after bomb to every other column that he passes.

_This is almost ridiculously easy without Kylo Ren to worry about._

The moment the thought floats through his mind, Finn nearly curses himself. That’s _exactly_ how you jinx a mission! Tell yourself how kriffing easy it is! If it all goes to shit because of him—

“Kylo Ren!”

Kriffing _hell_!

Finn nearly flings himself over the railing as he scrambles to see down below. Ben’s back out on that damned walkway, only it’s not Han Solo advancing on him.

It’s a Knight of Ren.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait, but, well, life happened. Nothing bad, all good and healthy in my little world, but still. LIFE.

Why he goes out on the damn walkway he killed his father on last time, Ben doesn’t quite know.

He’s entirely willing to just go ahead and blame the Force, because he’s going to need _something_ for when Rey sees the situation he’s gotten himself into. Two of his former Knights, Ap’lek and Vicrul from the looks of it, have effectively blocked both exits off this kriffing narrow walkway with no _kriffing railing_. Unless he deals with either of them, he’s essentially stuck because Rey’s been shielding him, as they don’t know if any huge usage of the Force on his part will alert Snoke that he’s on Ilum and that’s something they’re trying to avoid for as long as possible. Of course, the Knights might just do it themselves.

And things had been going so well up until now.

“Ren, where did you go?” Vicrul demands. “Snoke unexpectedly collapsed hours ago and you never showed up!”

Ben wants to scoff. The only reason any sort of concern is being shown is because none of the Knights can actually stand up to Snoke. While they’d been a present for him from Snoke, he’d been their shield against the Supreme Leader of the First Order ever since they came under his command. Also, the lot of them were much better as followers rather than leaders, despite Ap’lek’s visions of grandeur.

The knowledge that Snoke had been affected by the bond breaking is good, though. He’s been wondering about it ever since he did it. Given that he’s relatively recovered now, though, probably means they can’t use it to their advantage, as Snoke will have no issues using the Dark Side to speed up his recovery.

“We thought something might’ve happened to you on Jakku,” Ap’lek intones in that silky dangerous tone of his, “but I told myself that the grandson of Darth Vader wouldn’t fall to a nobody scavenger and traitor stormtrooper. That you were just biding your time until you could call us back to your side, but you _never did_.”

“My grandfather,” Ben says solemnly, “is the one who broke the bond between Snoke and I. He refused to allow me to continue to be a puppet for Snoke like he was for Sideous.”

“Darth Vader finally talked to you?”

The reverence in Ap’lek’s voice when he mentions Vader again makes Ben’s skin crawl. He shudders at the nasty feeling, his hand drifting to his waist and brushing against Anakin’s saber. The hum of the kyber crystal calms his rolling stomach. He’d forgotten how much Ap’lek idolized Vader. Before he’d used that to his advantage, constantly shoving the fact that he was the grandson of Vader in Ap’lek’s face, but now it just makes him feel ill.

“I said my _grandfather_ was the one who did it,” he snaps back, teeth bared in a snarl. “Not that Sith monstrosity Sideous made him into.”

Vicrul’s sharp intake of breath, warped by his mask, echoes around them as the man takes a menacing step forward. “What exactly are you implying, Ren?”

Light spills over the three of them, and Ben’s eyes shoot up to where Rey stands now haloed by the dying sunlight. Vicrul, as the one with his back to her, twists around to be able to see her as well. He can feel both Vicrul and Ap’lek’s surprise at the sight of the ‘nobody scavenger’ which quickly turns to blinding rage on Ap’lek’s part.

“Ben!”

She catapults herself off the landing. He doesn’t have time to yell at her, to warn her to stay away so the Knights don’t realize that she’s precious to him. One moment she’s above them, the next she’s dropping down beside him on the walkway. She turns and levels her blaster at Vicrul when he takes another step towards them. Because of this, Ben gives most of his attention to Ap’lek. He shifts just enough so he can press lightly up against Rey, who in turn leans back into him.

“Ben Solo is _mine_ ,” Rey states matter-of-fact and he has to fight to keep a ridiculously sappy smile off his face. That will just make Ap’lek snap, Vicrul will follow after him, and Ben doesn’t quite know where Rey’s going with this. “You cannot have him.”

“Is that what he told you his name was, little girl?” Ap’lek sneers, contempt heavy in his voice. “Is that what he promised you when he took you off that barren planet? Did he offer to _save_ you?”

Ben feels her inhale and exhale, her Force presence expanding rapidly with every breath she takes. “What Ben promised me is none of your concern,” she returns softly.

“It _is_ our concern!” Ap’lek all but screams, and Ben had intellectually known that the man was a bit obsessive, but _wow_. “You would seduce our leader away from us, you whore! You would—”

Utter rage envelopes Ben at these words. He might’ve called Rey many things while attempting to turn her to the Dark Side, but even he never stooped so low as to call her _whore_. He levels his grandfather’s lightsaber at Ap’lek, reveling in the sudden fear from his former comrade with the blue blade now pointed between his eyes. “Call her that again, and I will _end_ you.”

 _Easy Ben,_ Rey whispers, pressing herself physically up against him as she takes his mounting anger and soothes it down to a flickering ember. _His words mean nothing to me._

“Do it anyway!” Finn suddenly shouts from where he and Chewie have been watching silently.

Ap’lek’s snarl of anger is what ends up spurring Ben into motion. He bats away the execution vibro-axe the man is raising above his head, and then uses the gathered momentum to swing his lightsaber around and drive the blade straight through Ap’lek’s heart. He feels nothing but grim satisfaction at his former comrade’s rattling death breath. Vicrul screams in wordless fury as Ap’lek’s limp body hits the walkway only to fall over the edge. He tries to charge Rey, but she shoots his legs and this drives him to his knees.

“Betrayer!” the Knight spits out around his harsh breathing.

Ben steps forward around Rey, regarding the downed man with a tiny bit of sorrow, but mostly apathy. “That would require us to have been loyal to each other in the first place.” He breathes in deeply, letting go of all his lingering anger as he exhales out. “Regardless, you should know by now that betrayal is the way of the Sith.” And with a single stroke of his blade, Vicrul too is no more. This leaves just him and Rey and their breathing.

“Guys, come on!” Finn calls to them when they continue to just stand there unmoving despite the urgency of the situation.

A shudder wracks Ben’s body as a chill washes over him, but he takes Rey’s hand and leads them off the kriffing walkway he never wants to see again. The instant they’re off it, Finn grabs Rey in a desperate hug.

//You good, cub?// Chewie inquires.

“I will be once we’re off this kriffing planet,” he grumbles, the chill from earlier starting to settle in his bones. And it’s not because they’re on a planet in the middle of its winter. He just has this uncomfortable feeling that he’s been watched, and not by friendly eyes. “Are enough bombs set?”

//Yeah, we’re good to go.//

“Then let’s just get out of here.”

//Come on, cubs, time to go,// Chewie instructs.

Rey and Finn let go of each other, Rey immediately pressing herself up against Ben again. He gives her tired smile at her concerned look, but offers nothing else before starting back out the way they came in. There isn’t time to delve into the whirlwind of emotions circling around him right now. He can keep himself within the eye of the storm until they get off Ilum, but only if he isn’t pushed on the matter. He scoops up Finn’s coat and throws it at the man before shrugging his own back on.

As they’re all spilling back out into the snow, the ground shakes underneath Ben’s feet and he knows that Chewie just set off the bombs. The screeching of metal folding in on itself shortly follows moments later. He grits his teeth against the grating sound as it tears at his ears. He vaguely hears Finn cursing, but they all keep running. They keep running until they’re in the trees again, and only then do they briefly pause to look back.

It’s just in time to see one of the X-Wings deliberately pull away and dive down towards the caving in thermal oscillator. To watch as the fighter disappears into the spreading fire and rocket back skywards again minutes later as the surface of the planet heaves. Finn’s shout of elated victory is followed by a deep, rumbling groan that rises up from the depths beneath them, reminding Ben that the planet is going to _explode_.

“We have to get to the _Falcon_!” he barks. He just desperately hopes that the _Falcon_ hasn’t slid off the cliff they left it on, otherwise they’re screwed. They hadn’t time to try and move it, what with the shields still being up and radar covering the planet’s surface. His heart beats out a frantic tempo in time with his pounding feet as they sprint through the trees, stumbling every now and then as the ground shifts unexpectedly. Mercifully, the _Falcon_ is just as they left it. Skidding to a shaky stop, Ben repeatedly slams on the button to lower the ramp for all that he knows it won’t speed up the process. Rey and Finn bolt up it the instant it’s low enough, and Ben follows on their heels. He and Rey make for the cockpit while Finn drops down into the gunner’s seat.

//Ramp’s up!// Chewie yells.

“Shields are on and primed,” Ben adds, having slid into the copilot seat as he’s more than willing to admit that Rey has far more experience flying this ship than he does. She got them onto Ilum well enough without crashing horrendously beyond their planned bumpy landing. “Ready whenever you are, Rey.”

There’s nothing but grim satisfaction when Rey revs the engines and lifts them up. Ben spares one passing glance to the planet breaking apart below them. He much prefers this version of them leaving over last time, Rey beside him and no lightsaber wounds to deal with. He’s _really_ glad about having no lightsaber wounds. Even after having them healed and removed, they still ached when he let his mind linger on them too long.

Poe’s voice comes crackling over their headsets as they rise above the trees. “ _Falcon_ , this is Black Leader checking in. I see you lifting off, what’s your status?”

Letting Rey concentrate on flying, Ben is the one who answers him. “Black Leader, the _Falcon_ is good to go with all four crew members safely aboard.” He doesn’t even bother trying to stop the grin spreading across his lips at Poe’s shaky exhale.

“Should we have Medical on standby for when we reach base again?”

Ben knows what he’s implying, what he’s trying to ask without actually having to flat out say. “We’re all moving under our own power, but having Medical there to do a check wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

Another shaky exhale, only this one full of relief as the message is received. “Good to know. See you back at base. Black Leader out.”

Beside him, Rey huffs out a breath as well, tension sliding off her shoulders as she lines them up with the rising X-Wings. “It’s been a while since I’ve had a place to return to,” she muses quietly. “I’ve been running so long, I almost forgot what it’s like to come home.”

Not knowing what to say to that particular admission, Ben just blankets her with all his love for her. They don’t have time to delve into it for all that he wishes they could. She flashes him a small smile despite his silence before following the X-Wings by going into lightspeed.

* * *

Touching back down on D’Qar is a relief for multiple reasons.

The main one being that Finn’s just about ready to vibrate out of his skin, and while Rey completely understands his impatience, that doesn’t make her want his pacing to stop any less. She sighs internally when she realizes that she’s going to have to get used to having the same people constantly around again.

The instant the _Falcon_ is settled on the ground, she can hear Finn repeatedly punching the button to lower the boarding ramp like Ben had back on Ilum. Beside her, Ben chuckles softly when they can see the man go sprinting across the landing strips. It takes her a moment, but then she spots Poe coming from the other direction. The two collide in a flurry of limbs, drawing looks from many of the people around them. Especially when Poe proceeds to pick Finn up and spin them around in a circle. Even with the walls of the _Falcon_ and all the people between them, Rey still thinks she can hear their laughter.

“You okay?” Ben’s quiet question reminds her that she’s made no movement to exit, and that Ben hasn’t either.

She exhales slowly, trying to release the tension that built up at the sight of the ever growing crowd. “I haven’t been around this many people for so long in over five years,” she says. “I’d forgotten how overwhelming it can be.”

Ben doesn’t say anything further, instead reaching out to take one of her hands in his. She’s still startled by how dainty his grip makes her hands feel, how they’re completely enveloped yet somehow _safe_. Dainty hasn’t ever really been a word she’d use concerning herself. The desert wasn’t kind to her while growing up, leaving no time for past times of any sort that didn’t also provide food. Because of that, she grew up hardy and of the opinion that anything that made her feel small in any way was dangerous. And yet, when Ben cradles her tiny hands in his giant ones, none of those long since engraved instincts rear their ugly heads. She just feels safe and treasured, and she’s still not entirely sure how to deal with that.

Outside they see Chewie meet with Han and Leia, both immediately looking to the cockpit after exchanging a few words. Leia starts heading towards the _Falcon_ , while Han lingers to continue talking with his friend. Boots march up the ramp and then Leia’s coming around the corner.

“Are you two alright?”

“Yeah, Mom, we’re good.”

When a hand settles unexpectedly on her shoulder, Rey jumps a little before she can marshal herself. Ben squeezes her hand still in his supportingly while Leia removes hers.

“Rey?”

Her breath catches in the back of her throat at the honest concern in Leia’s voice. She’s heard it all her life, but this Leia doesn’t _know_ her and yet is still willing to check on her. She knows it’s partially just in Leia’s nature to inquire into the health of her people, but Rey’s not really one of her people yet. She’s just the unknown woman who supposedly brought back Leia’s son.

“There weren’t ever this many people in one place on Jakku,” she whispers. And on the rare occasions that a crowd did gather, Rey made sure to stay far _far_ away.

Leia hums, low and comforting. “Luke had similar issues when he first joined the Resistance after all the chaos of dealing with the Death Star died down.” She touches Rey’s shoulder again, pressing down gently but firmly when Rey doesn’t react this time. “Take however long you need until you feel ready. Stars know they can be an overwhelming lot for all that they mean well.”

A snort of amusement escapes Rey because she already knows that from personal experience. She’d spent a decent chunk of time stuck in the _Falcon_ with a bunch of them after the Battle of Crait before they’d found somewhere else to set up their base.

Ben moves like he’s going to stand, only to freeze just as he’s about to rise to his feet. He blinks a few times before cursing softly under his breath.

“Ben?” Rey turns towards him, all her anxiety instantly forgotten in the face of his troubles.

“I don’t think I can stand,” he mutters, staring down at his legs like they’ve betrayed him.

“That would be because you’ve been running around like a maniac after I _distinctly_ remember saying that you’d be weak for a time after we broke your training bond with Snoke,” Anakin states flatly, having appeared between the two of them. Rey’s far too used to Force ghosts just randomly appearing that she doesn’t even startle. Leia’s sharp intake of breath behind them lets Rey know that she can see her father, but she’s more concerned about her dyad partner than Leia’s reaction to seeing her father’s Force ghost.

Ben flinches minutely before giving his grandfather an exasperated look. “What exactly was I supposed to do, just sit around and wait for my strength to come back?” he retorts. “We were already on a tight schedule as it was.”

Anakin stares back at him before exhaling explosively for all that he doesn’t need to actually breathe while squatting down so he no longer towers over them. “I’d love to say _yes_ , but Obi-Wan and Snips would just laugh me out of the afterlife at the hypocrisy of that statement coming from me.” He snorts out a chuckle. “None of us can truly fault you for what you did, really. We drove our poor medics absolutely mad during the war.”

“But he’ll be fine?” Rey wants to know. She can feel the truth of it in their bond, but there’s just something about hearing someone say it that somehow makes it feel more real. Half of her is still somewhat convinced that this is all just a dream. A good dream, but a dream nonetheless.

“Yes, he’ll be fine, so long as he actually _sleeps_ for a decent amount of time,” Anakin assures her with a fond smile before turning back to Ben. “You have the time now. Yes, the First Order is going to come for this base, but they have to rally back together now that you’ve destroyed Starkiller base. There’s time for you to properly sleep before you have to go and drag your wayward uncle back home.”

Ben’s breath hitches almost painfully. “I’m—”

Anakin holds up a hand, causing Ben to fall silent. “Not now, Ben, not now,” he says softly. “There are no words you can say to me that I haven’t also wished to say to my own children, so wait until we’re all gathered before you say them. They deserve to hear it first, not me.” Ben’s throat bobs as he swallows, inclining his head when it becomes obvious words aren’t going to come out. “Then I’ll leave you in your mother’s capable hands.”

And then he fades away, leaving them with a flabbergasted Leia.

Ben drags a hand down his face while groaning, slumping back in his seat. “Sleep actually sounds kriffing amazing right now.”

A yawn drags its way out of Rey, surprising her as exhaustion comes crashing over her as well. Then again, she’s gotten very good at ignoring how tired she actually is until she’s not doing anything, and technically they’ve finished the mission they set out to do. While there’s still things to do on base, Rey isn’t knowledgeable enough at the moment to be of much help.

“Who was that?” Leia demands with a barely noticeable tremor in her voice. “Ben, _who was that?_ ”

“That was Master Skywalker,” Rey answers in his stead, shifting so she can run her fingers through Ben’s hair. He sighs, leaning into her touch as his eyes flutter closed. “He broke the bond between Ben and Snoke with help from Master Kenobi and Master Tano back when we escaped from Jakku.”

“You’ve spoken with _Vader_?” Terror and a fierce protectiveness rolls off Leia in waves as she too reaches out to touch Ben as if to assure herself that he’s really in front of her. Given that it took a few years after Leia passed before she and Anakin could be around each other without Leia yelling at him, her fear isn’t unexpected. There are conversations that need to be had again before she’ll be willing to acknowledge her birth father, but now obviously isn’t the time for them.

Ben shakes his head from side to side. “No, only ever Anakin Skywalker. Not once have I heard Darth Vader’s voice, no matter how much I begged and pleaded for his guidance.”

Rey squeezes his hand still holding onto her to get his attention. “He told me this only once,” she confesses quietly, “but there were days he screamed himself hoarse while you were with Snoke. You were never alone out there, Ben, for all that you couldn’t hear him at the time.”

Ben stares at her, tear filled eyes wide. A brittle laugh escapes him, and then he’s folding in on himself while his shoulders shake. Rey scrambles out of her seat and into his lap, curling her arms around him. He presses his face into the crook of her neck, clutching her to him like she’ll vanish if he lets go. She just keeps running her fingers through his hair, blinking back tears of her own that she doesn’t bother trying to wipe away.

Already, she can tell this will be a doozy of an issue that Ben will have to work through. While she already plans to be there every step of the way with him, ultimately it’s him who has to accept all that happened and the repercussions of his actions, anticipated and otherwise. She’d had to do something similar after she’d finally accepted the truth about her heritage.

More boots stomp up the ramp and then Han’s voice calls out, “Ah kid, again?”

“ _Han!_ ” Leia snaps, spinning around to smack her husband on the shoulder.

Chewie’s comforting rumble follows shortly after. //You might not bother with emotions most of the time, Solo, but obviously your cub does. I’d suggest not aggravating him over it.//

“Chewie, this is the second time today that he’s had a meltdown of some sorts in my ship since we found him. If this is gonna be a regular occurance, I think I’m entitled to know!”

//There are politer ways of asking, you idiot!//

“Ben, Rey, I’ll be right back,” Leia states flatly. “Nerf herder, come with me.” She grabs hold of Han's jacket and proceeds to drag him further into the _Falcon_ , ignoring his sputtering protests as they go.

//Anything I can do?// Chewie inquires, having lingered in the doorway instead of following after his friends.

Rey just shakes her head, intent on staying put until Ben says otherwise. He’s still trembling, although she doesn’t know if it’s from what she told him or his parents fighting. She cradles him with her presence in the Force like he had when they were leaving Ilum, unsure if she should do anything else. He presses her in even closer, breath hitching every now and then for all that it’s starting to even out somewhat. She makes no mention of the fact that her top is becoming damp where his eyes are.

Again, boots thunder up the ramp, only this time it’s Poe and Finn. They’re both sporting smiles, obviously still riding the high of a victory won with relative ease and minimal loss, but they immediately become serious when they see the position Ben and Rey are in.

“What happened?” Poe asks, hurrying over but mercifully refraining from touching. Instead he sits down on the edge of the seat Rey had previously been occupying.

“After his bond with Snoke was broken, Ben was supposed to rest for a while,” Rey explains. “Obviously that didn’t happen, and Master Skywalker just came to express his exasperation. General Organa took exception to that particular fact.” Ben shudders against her, so she presses her fingers more firmly into his hair to anchor them both.

Both Finn and Poe look at her in befuddlement. “Rey, Luke Skywalker is still on Ahch-To,” Finn says slowly. Then a look of horror spreads across his face. “Did he—?”

“ _Anakin_ Skywalker, Finn,” Rey corrects him exasperatedly. “You met him earlier on Jakku. Master Luke has no idea what’s going on beyond the edge of his island. Not yet, at least.”

“Why do I get the idea you’re going to take great pleasure in educating him once we bring him back?” Poe asks with a fond smile and no judgement in his eyes.

“Because I _am_ ,” she states flatly. She’s grateful for everything he taught her after he passed, but stars the damage he’d unknowingly caused Ben with his fear and uncertainty makes her want to tear into him.

Poe nods, not pressing further and letting the subject drop. “So, we gonna hole up in here or do you think you can brave the masses out there?”

Rey considers the offer for a moment. She really, truly does feel exhausted, and Ben is obviously running on fumes as well. Neither of them are well known at the moment, and going outside will only result in eyes staring at them. She can practically feel her skin crawl at the idea of subjecting herself to that right now. And she knows with utter certainty that Ben doesn’t want people to see him broken down like this. Especially because they just plain won’t understand.

“Ben and I are going to stay on the _Falcon_ , but you two don’t—”

“I’ll go get us some food, then,” Poe interrupts her, standing and clapping his hands together. “Finn, you wanna come with or you gonna stay here?”

His husband grins at him. “I’ll come with, if only to make sure you don’t drop it all. Chewie, you want anything?”

Rey can all but feel the measured stare the Wookie gives the four of them. //I’ll be fine, but thanks for asking. Might want to get something for Han and Leia, though. Don’t know when the last time Leia had food, but I know Han hasn’t had anything since we found you lot.//

“I thought I’d heard the General,” Poe comments. “Where is she, exactly?”

//Trying to explain normal feelings to Han.// Chewie says a touch dryly. // _Again._ //

Poe’s eyes flicker back to her and Ben, comprehension dawning along with a touch of protectiveness. “Ah.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Just as well we’re coming back, then. Be back shortly.”

He and Finn head back out, Rey watching them slip into the crowd still celebrating outside and disappear before turning back to the solemn Wookie.

//We ever gonna get a straight answer out of you?//

“Soon,” Rey promises, wishing she could offer more but wanting to only have to do the telling once. It’s going to be hard enough already, talking about all their deaths and the friends now lost to them. Ben shudders again and she tightens her grip even more. “Soon.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this turned out longer than I anticipated, but hey! That means more story for you guys!
> 
> Enjoy!

Poe knows he’s going to break soon.

He’d been holding it together earlier because losing his shit was _not_ going to get him Finn back. Now it’s purely through sheer force of will because Rey is teetering on edge with Ben obviously having already gone over. He’s not sure how Finn’s truly doing, but he’s determined to last until he gets Rey and Ben fed and tucked away somewhere to sleep off the exhaustion haunting them both. He has long since acknowledged and embraced his mother hen tendencies, especially when it comes to those he considers his closest friends and companions.

Finn’s got a bit of a spring in his step as they walk through the base, a content smile on his lips as he takes everything in. Poe can’t help but love him for it, this man who’s learned to roll with whatever life throws at him with such ease that sometimes Poe’s just astounded.

Then he spots a face that he immediately knows he has to talk to.

“Connix!” he calls, raising a hand to further get the woman’s attention as her head whips around at the sound of her name.

She blinks in obvious surprise when he jogs over to her. “Commander Dameron. Can I help you with something?”

He doesn’t blame her. He’d been much more of a cocky bastard last go round, and actively seeking someone higher in the chain of command besides Leia would be completely out of character for him. However, he learned the hard way the importance of delegation and asking for help from the people around him. If he can prevent the clusterfuck that was their leaving _last_ time, he’ll do it.

“Yeah, there’s something I need you to get moving for me. Starkiller base might be destroyed, but I’d bet every credit to my name on the fact that the First Order had their cannon pointed at this system for a reason. That means this base is compromised. We need to start evacuation measures before the First Order is breathing down our necks again.”

Her startled look of respect quickly morphs into horror as the truth of their situation registers. “Stars preserve us,” she whispers hoarsely, pressing a hand to her heart.

“Can you gather Fleet Command together and get everything started?” he asks. “I’m currently getting food for myself and General Organa, but I’ll be sure to send her your way after we finish eating if that would make you feel better.”

Kaydel exhales harshly before nodding once decisively. “That would be much appreciated, thank you.” She fixes him with an impressed look. “You’re not usually this observant, Dameron.”

He barks out a self-deprecating laugh. “Had you said something before the past few days’ excitement, I’d’ve protested, but yeah, I’m aware. Could say the latest mission was a bit of an eye opener.” And that is the understatement of the age. He’d been so kriffing confused, torn between wondering if he was in a rather vivid dream or if he’d finally died and was going to be forced to watch his life pass by in aching slow motion. Then on Takodana, he’d seen not Finn fighting with Han Solo and Chewbacca, but Rey and the man he’d known mostly as Kylo Ren for all that he seemed to be protecting the others with a blue lightsaber instead of his usual red. Poe had continued to do his duty for all that his heart hammered in his chest, and once the skies were clear of First Order TIE fighters he’d landed to demand answers. None of them had had answers he liked, but they’d been answers.

Kaydel’s eyes softened in understanding. “While I would never wish for what happened to you on any of us, I’m glad at least that this sliver of good came out of a bad situation.” She makes a shooing motion with the hand not holding a data pad. “Go eat. I’ll see to it that things get moving.”

Poe offers her a lopsided smile. “Thanks.” Then he turns back to where Finn is patiently waiting with a fond smile on his lips.

“Hard at work as ever, eh?” his husband says with no signs of annoyance at the minor delay. Given that they led the end of the Rebellion together, Poe’s not surprised. They’d both learned rather quickly how to balance their work lives with their private ones so as to not overwhelm one with the other. And neither begrudged the other when things slipped past them. Poe still marvels to this day the fact that Finn agreed to spend their lives together.

“You know me,” he returns with a shrug of his shoulders. “Always gotta make sure everyone’s safe.”

Finn laughs while slapping him on the back. “Of course! Wouldn’t have you any other way.”

Poe knows his cheeks are flushing, just like they always do when Finn’s like this, but he can’t really bring himself to care. There are fifty years of comradery and love between them, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of hearing Finn talk like that. The years as a Stormtrooper make it hard for him to express himself sometimes, so Poe learned very quickly to treasure the moments when he could say the words. Actions usually are far easier for him, so he makes sure to lean into the arm thrown over his shoulders.

They make their way to the canteen, Poe valiantly trying not to flinch anytime he sees a face long since lost to him. He doesn’t always succeed, but Finn’s a steady and solid presence the entire time, making Poe extremely glad he didn’t stay in the _Falcon_ with Rey and Ben.

“Poe! There you are!”

He jerks when his name’s called, the voice one he hasn’t truly heard since Exogol for all that he’s flown with the man since coming back. Temmin Wexley comes hurrying over with a grin on his face, the rest of Black Squadron behind him. Finn presses all the closer when he starts to tremble.

“Hey Temmin.” Poe’s voice catches harshly when he speaks. He’d somehow managed to talk to Karé instead of Temmin about getting Ilum scouted, and he’d kept his cool while they were fighting, but to see the man again and actually _look_ is like a blow to the chest. He and Finn both had sat for countless hours with Karé, listening to her cry and scream and rage at the loss of her husband. To say nothing of the fact that Temmin’s kid never actually got to meet his dad.

The use of his first name makes the man blink in befuddlement. “Poe, I don’t think I’ve _ever_ heard you call me anything other than Snap since we first met. Are you alright?”

Poe swallows around the lump in his throat. “Had a bit of a time with the First Order. Think it’s just now catching up with me, is all.”

“Did you even _try_ and go to medical?” Finn asks suddenly.

He turns to give his husband a flat look. “When have I _ever_ gone to medical of my own free will?” Finn at least has the grace to look sheepish, because he does know about Poe’s love/hate relationship with medical. “Regardless, I was a little more concerned about getting ready to go to Ilum to get you back than get myself checked over.”

“Commander,” Karé interjects a touch dryly, “are you going to introduce your friend, or do we have to guess who he is?”

And Poe belatedly remembers that while _he_ might know who Finn is, his team actually has never seen the man before in their lives.

“Right, right. Guys, this is Finn. He helped me escape from the _Finalizer_. Finn, this is Black Squadron. We’ve got Temmin Wexley who goes by Snap, Karé Kun, Jessika Pava, and Suralinda Javos.” He gestures to each person as he says their name for all that Finn doesn’t need it. Just a habit whenever he introduces people. “A more annoyingly loyal group of people you will not find.”

“Commander, that sounds as if you _like_ us,” Jessika teases before stepping forward and throwing her arms around him. Poe can’t help how tightly he returns the hug. She might not’ve been someone he lost during the war, but she’d passed unexpectedly in her sleep a few years prior. It hadn’t been the way any of them left had expected for her to go. “Poe?”

“Ahh, buddy.” There’s a wealth of understanding in Finn’s voice as he rests a hand at the back of Poe’s neck and squeezes gently. “You’re gonna be like this for a while, aren’t you?”

“ _Shut up_ ,” he bites out through clenched teeth. He releases Jessika and steps back, blinking furiously in an attempt to rid himself of the tears he feels gathering in the corner of his eyes.

“Yep, you are,” Finn continues, headless of the dead glare Poe shoots at him. He got very good at telling when Poe actually meant his exasperation and when he was just faking it, and unfortunately, right now he’s full on faking it. Anything to keep from breaking.

“Poe, what _happened_?” Karé demands.

“Shit happened,” he deadpans. “Shit happened, shit I fully did _not_ expect—”

“If you’d expected _this_ , we’d’ve had _words_ , Dameron,” Finn mutters under his breath.

“—and I am still trying to kriffing deal with it,” Poe continues as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “I have no reasonable way to explain what happened, either, nor do I honestly expect anyone to believe a word that would come out of my mouth if I tried.” He holds up a hand when Karé starts to open her mouth. “I don’t have time at the moment to even begin to try. Right now, I have things to do for General Organa. If you want to help me at all, please coordinate with Connix on starting evacuation measures for the base.”

Karé, ever the quick one, immediately catches onto what he isn’t saying. “I expect answers after we’re gone from here, Commander,” she says sternly. “I don’t particularly care if you think I’ll believe you or not. I followed you under Republic command and I left them for you as well. Let me determine whether or not I believe your story.”

Poe doesn’t even bother trying to hide the fond smile that spreads across his lips. He’s had Karé at his back for years and there are few others he’d trust so explicitly. He knows she’s always felt the same, given that she made him godfather to her son. Wouldn’t take no for an answer, actually. This, her demanding the truth like she is, don’t actually surprise him in the slightest. And despite the craziness of the situation, part of Poe wonders if she’ll actually believe him. Maybe he’ll have Ben and Rey available for the conversation, for all that they both seem just as equally baffled about what’s happened to them.

He offers her his hand, which she immediately takes. “As you wish, Captain. The truth, to do with as you please once we’re gone from here.”

“Till then, Commander,” she returns. They squeeze each other's hands, and then Karé is herding the rest of them off, physically dragging Jessika when it looks like she won’t budge.

“I’d forgotten how roudy they were,” Finn comments quietly once they’ve disappeared into the masses. He shoots Poe a concerned look. “Are you actually going to tell them the truth?”

Poe shrugs half-heartedly. “Can’t really do much else. I’ve changed too much. They’re bound to notice something’s off, and with the work we do we need to trust each other _explicitly._ Having them wondering at my sudden change in behavior will only damage that trust if I don’t at least try. Hopefully Master Skywalker can give us a satisfactory answer as to what the kriffing hell is going on, but I’m not going to hold my breath.”

Finn stares at him silently for a moment before tipping his head in deference. “Alright, then. Let’s go get some food before Rey storms in here after us.”

Poe snorts out a chuckle as they continue into the canteen. “What, you don’t want a fully trained Jedi Master coming after you anytime soon?”

“One time!” Finn protests indignantly. “One time I was late bringing food! She never let me hear the end of it! _Never_! And that was before—” He cuts himself short, but Poe understands where he was going with the statement. Before Exogol and what came after. Neither of them truly have a full understanding of what it is that Rey did afterwards beyond traveling the galaxy. They don’t really know what she learned or what she experienced, so playing it safe is a good idea. Especially considering it’s food they’re supposed to be bringing.

“Sathur!”

The man nominally in charge of the canteen perks up where he’s currently seated when Poe shouts for him. He twists in his seat and grins widely when their eyes meet.

“Dameron! What can I do for you?” he asks as they approach.

“Need food for six people,” Poe explains. “This is me running on the assumption that General Organa and General Solo haven’t eaten anytime soon, so correct me if I’m wrong about that, but I’ll still need food for three other people and myself even if they have.”

Sathur regards him with a suddenly shrewd expression. “Would one of those people happen to be the Generals’ son?”

Poe blinks and then narrows his eyes right back. “Any particular reason why you’re asking?”

“There’s just been talk, is all. The wayward son come home just following such a devastating attack when no one knows where exactly he’s been, and then he _somehow_ manages to bring down the shields of the First Order base set to kill us next. I’m sure you can imagine what quite a few of the rumors have been implying, especially considering his lineage.”

“Ben Solo is not a spy, Sathur,” Poe says softly. “That man has been through hell and back, and I can assure you that the last thing he wants is for Snoke to get ahold of any person in the Rebellion.”

Sathur sighs heavily. “Dameron, I admire your ability to think positive, but—”

“Kylo Ren is _dead_ ,” Finn states flatly, a tiny hint of anger leaking into his voice. “Take it from someone who worked with the man for years. Kylo Ren is dead and not coming back.”

Sathur finally looks at Finn, doing a slight double take as if he hadn’t truly realized the other man was with them the entire time. “And you are?”

His husband squares his shoulders defiantly. “Finn, formerly Stormtrooper FN-2187. I helped Poe get off the _Finalizer_ and he was kind enough to give me a name in return. If you’re going to discuss First Order spies in Rebellion ranks, I’d consider getting all your facts straight first.”

Poe has to resist the urge to slap a hand over his face.

“Sathur, I will gladly argue with you about this at a later time, but right now I really do need food, otherwise we’re going to have an annoyed Jedi on our tails if we end up taking too long.”

This makes Sathur frown at him. “Jedi? I don’t really think you can—”

“Rey, the woman from Jakku, can use the Force,” Poe interrupts him, “and she’s rather particular about food, being a former scavenger and all, so unless you’d like to be at the other end of a lightsaber anytime soon, food _now_.”

“You have such a way with words, Dameron,” Sathur drawls, finally getting to his feet. “Anyone ever tell you that?”

Poe grins back, all teeth and steel and spine. “Perhaps once or twice.”

Sathur’s stride falters only momentarily before he steadies himself. “That’s terrifying. Please don’t do it again.” He disappears back where all the food is stored, returning with two bundles of three boxes. He gives one stack to Poe and the other to Finn. “Here you go. Now get out of here before you end up terrorizing anyone else.”

“Thanks Sathur!” Poe smiles innocently, nearly snickering when the man shudders and waves him away. Very rarely does he let his ruthless side out. No one would ever consider him a push over, but the depths of his ruthlessness is known by a select few people. It’s always entertaining whenever someone not in the know catches even just a glimpse.

“That’s never not funny,” Finn comments as they walk away with food in hand.

Poe does let himself chuckle now. “Part of the reason I did it. Also, figured it was the quickest way we were gonna get out of there.”

“True enough.”

The rest of their walk back to the _Falcon_ is done in silence, and Poe is eternally grateful that no one else tries stopping them. “We’re back!” he calls into the ship as they march up the still lowered ramp.

“In the main hold!” Rey returns.

Poe was already planning on heading there first, as he’s not sure where else they’d eat, but confirmation is good. It turns out that they’ve been busy. A few crates have been dragged into the main hold to provide more seating and a larger surface to put food on beyond the holographic game table. Ben and Rey are already sitting down, Rey practically still in Ben’s lap, while Han and Leia are having a heated but hushed discussion in the opposite doorway that they stop when he and Finn step into the room.

“Right, you two, you are going to eat and then go the kriffing hell to sleep because you both look liable to keel over any second,” Poe instructs, dropping his portion of the food onto the makeshift table before pointing a finger at his friends. “Generals, we have food for you as well.”

“Thank you Poe,” Rey murmurs with a grateful smile. She reaches for two of the boxes, pulling them towards her and Ben.

Poe drops down onto one of the crates beside her, dragging along the last of his boxes as he goes. He doesn’t even bother trying to figure out what it is that Sathur gave him to eat, just digging in. Finn situates himself on Poe’s other side while Leia sits herself down with her son on one side and her husband on the other.

“Ben, how long do you reasonably think we have until the First Order manages to regroup and come after us?” Poes inquires only after the man’s managed to eat something.

He mulls over the question for a moment. “Three days minimum, five if we get lucky. No matter what Hux might think, organizing the deployment of a Dreadnought isn’t something that can be rushed, and Captain Canady always was a stickler for procedure.”

Poe pulls a face at the mention of the ship that’s going to soon be bearing down on their base. Much as he wants to take down a Dreadnought again, he’s not willing to sacrifice all their bombers again. Especially considering he doesn’t think he’d be able to look Rose in the eyes for all that she doesn’t think of them as anything other than comrade-in-arms right now if his stubborn ass ends up being the reason her sister dies again. “I gotta admit, I’m a little impressed you remembered all that.”

Ben snorts, a bitterly amused smile spreading across his lips that has Rey pressing herself firmly against him. “Snoke was...ah...he was _very_ firm of the opinion that I needed to be able to identify all important personnel within the First Order, if only to better know what leverage I might need to use against them. Punishment for not knowing tended to be…” He shudders, “severe.”

“Everything about that _thing_ tended to be severe,” Finn mutters under his breath.

Before the conversation can continue down that particular path, Poe drags it back to his original topic. “Right, so we’ve got three days to get ourselves out of here. I’ve already got Connix working with Fleet Command to start the evacuation. Rey, how—”

“Half a day,” she states flatly.

“Do you want to leave in the morning?” he asks softly.

She exhales explosively. “Yes. Best to just get it over with. I can meet you back here or wherever you end up at.”

“We’ll play that by ear. Ben, should I just assume that you’ll be going with her?”

The man smiles down at the woman still leaning against him. She smiles back up at him, far happier than he can ever remember her being before. “Yeah, probably for the best.”

This is where Leia finally interjects herself into their conversation. “And where exactly are you planning on going?”

Rey answers for all that she can’t seem to bring herself to actually look at Leia. Poe doesn’t blame her, knowing the special connection the two had had when Rey had been training on Ajan Kloss for all that he doesn’t understand it. “Ahch-To. The location of the first Jedi Temple and where Luke is.”

“Rey, the map BB-8 brought back is incomplete,” his General gently but firmly points out. “We have no reasonable way to determine which system my brother is in.”

“It’s in the Unknown Regions,” Rey counters, “and I don’t need a map to know where I’m going.”

“This another one of those things you plan on explaining ‘later’?” Han asks a touch dryly.

Him Rey’s able to look at. She meets his disbelieving gaze with a defiant look of her own. “Yes, it is. Once we return with Luke, I will explain what I can.”

Han cocks an eyebrow. “None of this ‘the Force works in mysterious ways’ mumbo jumbo?”

Leia lets out a long suffering sigh. “ _Han_ , I’ve explained _so_ many times, that’s—”

Han waves her off. “Yeah, yeah, I got it, that’s not how the Force works.”

“You’ll get an answer. Whether or not you believe it is up to you,” Poe states before anymore bickering can happen. Perhaps they’ll just have one big meeting to get it over with. He might not want to invite all of Black Squadron if that ends up happening. Maybe just Karé to start with. They’re all going to be busy enough as it is. He doesn’t think it’d be a good idea to have all of his Squadron not fighting ready right now. He can always leave Snap in charge. It’s why he has a second-in-command in the first place.

“I’ve seen some pretty weird shit already, kid, don’t think anything you’re gonna throw my way will faze me.”

Poe gives the man his most unimpressed look he can muster. He’s pleased both by how Han visibly falters and Leia’s mildly impressed expression as she watches this unfold. “Believing us is up to you,” he repeats before going back to his meal. The moment both Ben and Rey are finished, Poe shoves his remaining food away and stands. “Come on, you two.”

“Poe—” Rey starts for all that she does stand up as well.

“Please, just let me do this,” he requests near pleadingly. He’s swiftly reaching the end of his tether, and he really doesn’t want to break in front of them. Both have enough bantha shit piled up on their shoulders as it is. They don’t need his panic and terror on top of everything else right now.

“He’s a bit of a worrier,” Finn calmly interjects. “Just let him fuss over you for a bit and he’ll leave you alone for a while.”

Ben huffs out a rueful chuckle. “Are we being sentenced to the crew quarters?”

Poe nods in agreement. “Figured that was the best place for the moment. Means not having to brave the masses along with finding a bunk somewhere on base.” He’d’ve done that if he thought for a second that either of them wanted it, but he figures he knows enough of Rey’s tells to know that that’s not an option she wants, and wherever Rey goes, so will Ben. Therefore, crew quarters in the _Falcon_ will do for one night at least. Han can take it up with him if he objects, but Poe’s had years of thinking of this ship as Rey’s first and Han Solo’s second. Also, Rey probably feels safest on this ship and Poe doesn’t doubt for a minute that she’s liable to react to any perceived threat to Ben’s safety with deadly force. Something to avoid if at all possible.

Leia reaches out a hand as Ben makes to slip by. “I’ll see you in the morning, son,” she says softly. “Rey, it was wonderful meeting you.”

Rey just bows her head, blinking rapidly.

Poe shoos them out of the main hold before Rey can start crying, because he doesn’t think anyone wants to deal with that mess right now. He makes sure to snag a blanket along the way, not sure if the crew quarters have any available.

Ben all but collapses onto the bunk, tiredly shoving off his boots before flopping backwards so he’s sprawled all over the bed. It just highlights how freaking large the man is. Rey grumbles under her breath, but takes off her shoes as well before crawling in after him. She pokes and prods until she has him in a position she likes best, then curls up against his side. Ben in turn shifts so he’s pretty much cradling her to his chest.

Poe throws the blanket he’d snagged over them both. He backs up as they settle it better, breath evening out until there’s a steady rise and fall from both. He turns off the lights and stumbles back to the main hold where Leia, Han, and his husband still are.

“Poe, come here,” Finn murmurs, having moved to sit by the game table. He holds out a hand and keeps it held out until Poe takes it. He pulls Poe in and wraps his arms around him.

And Poe breaks.

His fingers fist in Finn’s jacket, throat tight as he lets out all the gathered stress he’s been ignoring because there wasn’t _time_ earlier and people had been depending on him to have his shit together. He sobs quietly onto Finn’s shoulder while his own shake. He cries for the friends they’ve lost, for the comrades that are no more one way or another because none of them _remember_ anymore. He cries because _kriffing hell_ they have to deal with _kriffing_ Palpatine again, not to mention Snoke and the First Order and the _kriffing_ Final Order out there on Exogol, and the four of them are the only ones who know the truth of it all.

Finn, wonderful darling Finn doesn’t comment on the mess he must be making on his jacket. He never does whenever Poe has a day or night like this. He just continually whispers, “I’ve got you, love, I’ve got you,” into his ear, rocking them back and forth.

They sit like that for a time, Poe letting himself break apart as Finn reassures him that they’re alright. Eventually, gradually, Poe manages to pull himself back together. He just breathes for a bit, throat sore but his chest not quite as heavy as before.

“Thanks,” he says hoarsely, giving his husband a squeeze before sitting himself back upright. He scrubs viciously at the tears that still slinger in the corners of his eyes.

“Poe, are you alright?” Leia’s voice ends up being much closer than Poe expected, so he flinches back into Finn briefly. Turning, he finds Leia sitting on the closest crate and looking at him with obvious concern in her eyes.

He gives her what he knows is a weak smile. “Will be.”

“Kid, how long have you been holding that in?” Han asks with a smidgen of grudging respect.

“Takodana,” he returns blandly, too tired to try and pretend otherwise. “General, Connix will be looking for you soon, so I’d appreciate it if you could find her at some point before the day’s over. Finn, buddy—”

“Would you feel better if I stayed here with them for the night?” His husband knows him so well.

Poe gives him a weary smile in thanks. “I can come join you once I’m done.”

“Or you could stay,” Leia offers, rising to her feet. “There’s not much to be done that you can help with before it’s night, and it seems like you’ve already got things started. I think I can handle things from here.”

Poe blinks dumbly at her, having completely forgotten that _he’s not in charge anymore_. “Um…”

“So I’m not gonna be sleeping on _my_ ship, am I?” Han snarks.

“Han, it’s one night,” Leia states firmly. “There are plenty of bunks available on base for you and Chewie to use. Obviously they all feel safe on the _Falcon_ , and that’s not something to be taken lightly. You can survive one night.”

“Just got her _back_ ,” Han grumbles, but surprisingly he doesn’t protest as Leia herds him out of the main hold and towards the ramp.

“I’ll check in with you in the morning, Commander,” Leia calls over her shoulder before they’re both gone.

Poe stares after them in befuddlement. “I’m not in charge anymore, am I?”

Finn snorts. “No, you’re not. Neither of us is.” There’s a rumble, and then the sound of the ramp raising up and sealing them in reaches their ears. “Come on, you look just as tired as Rey and Ben did.”

Poe doesn’t comment on that, because he feels _exhausted_ actually, and he’d really rather not have to fight it anymore. He stumbles after Finn as the man leads him to the bunk in the main hold, sinking gratefully onto it with a groan of appreciation.

Finn chuckles at him when he doesn’t move. “At least take off your shoes,” he scolds. Poe groans again, because that means _moving_ , and he doesn’t want to move. Now that he’s laid down, every muscle in his body has abruptly decided to go limp. “Fine then.” Hands tug at his shoes, removing and dropping them onto the floor. He assumes Finn’s own shoes follow, because his husband is shortly thereafter crawling into the bunk with him while pulling a blanket he produced from somewhere over them. “Go to sleep, Poe.”

So he does.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I really don't mean to keep putting Ben through so much, but he just keeps stumbling into these situations!
> 
> Also, I've been greatly anticipating Rey's point of view since I started this story.
> 
> Enjoy!

Inhale

Exhale

Stepping onto Ahch-To again is painful.

First she came here seeking help and instead met an old man set on running away and hiding from all the turmoil in the galaxy.

Then she came here running from herself while fleeing the truth of her blood, what she had wrought because of it, and what she feared she might further do.

And finally, at the end of it all, she came here to die.

Inhale

Exhale

Even with Ben at her side, the raging storm inside of her refuses to calm.

“He’s been _here_ all these years?” Ben asks in stunned disbelief, turning in a quick circle and obviously noticing the distinct lack of other islands nearby. “How did he not go mad? There’s no one else here!”

“There are caretakers,” Rey says dully, wrapping her arms around herself. “Not that they’re much for company.”

Ben immediately crowds up against her, tucking her firmly to his side. “Rey, you don’t—”

“I do.” She sucks in a shuddering breath. “I don’t want to even begin to imagine what Luke might do if you’re the one who walks up there to him. It has to be me.” She just has to remember not to punch the man on sight.

Inhale

Exhale

She starts up with the stone steps with Ben following right behind her. Han and Chewie, while they came with, elected to stay in the _Falcon_. Rey thinks it might have something to do with the quiet fury slowly building up inside of her. Han probably doesn’t want to be nearby when she finally lets loose, and she can’t really blame him. She’s already born witness to what happens when she lets her emotions get the better of her.

The stone huts are just as she remembers.

It’s a bit disconcerning to realize that they’re _younger_ than what she remembers.

She shakes those particular thoughts away, and makes for the hut where she knows Leia’s lightsaber is tucked away. Ben hovers in the hut’s doorway as she reverently pulls the bundled lightsaber out of the hole Luke had stashed it away in. She unties the strings holding the leather around the lightsaber and lifts the blade up. The kyber crystal hums happily in her hand, and she can almost feel a subtle harmony from Anakin’s in her satchel.

“I’d wondered where you’d gotten that,” Ben murmurs.

“Master Luke showed it to me after I tried to throw your grandfather’s into the burning wreckage of your TIE whisper,” she says, rocking back onto her heels before straightening up.

Ben blinks at her in befuddlement as she turns to face him. “You crashed my ship here?”

“No, I burned it,” she corrects him while stowing Leia’s lightsaber away in her satchel. “I wanted to strand myself here. I was running from everything at that point, certain I would be the reason we lost the war. Instead, he convinced me to face my fear and we won.” She reaches out and takes hold of his hand to assure herself that he’s _here_ with her.

Inhale

Exhale

“We’ll need to go to the tree library before we leave and collect the books,” she continues once she’s centered herself again.

“I feel it, I think,” Ben says, looking across the island in the direction of the tree. “It’s a powerful beacon of Light. I’m impressed Snoke never felt it in all his searching for my uncle.”

Rey huffs out a shaky breath. “I think the planet shields itself, what with the balance of Light and Dark here.”

“It is like a siren call,” he murmurs, giving her hand a squeeze to let her know that for all that the cave and its depths are calling to him, he’s not going to succumb to their offered temptation, “but I understand what you mean about the balance. They do steady each other if you pay close enough attention.” He turns to face her again. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

She steps forward to press her face to his shoulder. “I’m sure,” she whispers. “Wait for me here?”

He wraps his free arm around her and holds her close to his steadily beating heart. “Of course.”

Inhale

Exhale

The climb up to where Luke is is just as annoyingly long as she remembers it being the first time. Only now she’s not a fearful young girl seeking a teacher. Instead she feels more akin to the stories she remembers from her childhood of the desert goddess R’iia from Jakku. A building fury that no mortal can hope to tame.

“I almost feel sorry for my son,” Anakin says conversationally, appearing beside her and matching her step for step as she climbs steadily upwards.

“You’re not going to try and stop me?”

Anakin snorts. “I know a building sandstorm when I see it, little one. I might have left the desert behind when the Jedi claimed me, but that doesn’t mean I completely forgot all the tales I learned as a child at my mother’s knee. Apparently, though, my son has elected to ignore the ones he was taught. I learned my lesson long ago of standing in the way of desert justice.”

“I won’t kill him,” she offers, because for all her fury and turmoil and rage, she wants to see Ben and Luke reconciled. She wants to see Luke and Leia reunited for more than just a few moments via Force Projection. She wants things to be _right_ for the Skywalker clan, and that won’t happen with Luke dead again.

“The thought that you would never crossed my mind.” And then he fades back into the Force as she approaches the last turn before she’ll see Luke.

Inhale

Exhale

Her former master is just as she remembers him.

With his back to her, Luke stares out across the vast waters that cover the majority of the planet’s surface. And while he’s cut himself off from the Force, he still manages to turn around as she approaches on near silent feet. He’s just as haggard and tired as before, appearing for all intents and purposes as if he alone carries the weight of the universe on his shoulders for all that he won’t kriffing _act_.

She stops just shy of him before she offers him his father’s lightsaber.

He stares at it, then her, as he had the first time. He’s a well of infinite sadness and heartbreak that both grates against her nerves and makes her want to cry.

A step forward and Luke takes the offered saber.

Anakin’s kyber crystal hums uneasily as it leaves her hand.

Luke almost lovingly turns the weapon over a few times in his hands before glancing back up at her again. The utter dismissal in his eyes has her temper peeking. And then, _of course_ , he flings his father’s lightsaber over his shoulder and off the cliff like it means nothing to him.

So she gathers up the full strength of the sandstorm raging inside her and brings it down unerringly _hard_ onto the man.

Inhale

Exhale

“ _Sleep_.”

And he drops like a stone.

* * *

Rey is even more upset coming back down than she was going up.

Ben feels her temper near explode for all that she still keeps a tight leash on it, and then she issues an order so powerful he sways where he stands as sleep tickles at his mind. He fights the feeling off, as it’s not directed towards him, but he does cast a worrying glance back towards the _Falcon_ while wondering how his father and Chewie fared. However, he’d promised Rey that this would be where he’d wait for her, so it’s here he stays. He finally sees her descending on the stone steps, and starts forward to meet her at least half way only to come to an uncoordinated halt when he can _really_ see her.

Luke is flung over Rey’s shoulder as she comes stomping towards him with a fierce scowl twisting at her lips.

“Rey?”

“He threw it away _again,_ ” she spits out through gritted teeth.

He blinks at her in confusion, not sure what she’s referring to. “Threw away what, exactly?”

She dumps his unconscious uncle onto one of the stone benches, and he’s a little impressed that the man doesn’t even stir a bit at the rough treatment. “Anakin’s _lightsaber_. I gave him a kriffing chance to do better than last time, but what does he do? Throws it away like it means _nothing_ to him!”

He stares at her in stunned disbelief, remembering how often Luke mentioned needing to respect his lightsaber. “He _threw_ it away?”

“Tossed it over his shoulder and off the cliff we were standing on. And that’s not even getting into the fact that he’s bloody cut himself off from the Force!” She exhales sharply, still a raging yet tempered storm bound to human form. “He’s marooned himself here, in case you hadn’t figured it out yet. His X-Wing is in the ocean.”

Ben sucks in a sharp breath, shocked beyond reason at how far his uncle has sunk. When no one could find him before, Ben had assumed that Luke had sequestered himself away to train more before trying to best him, to try and call him back.

Luke, apparently, had had no intentions of chasing down his wayward nephew dipping into the Dark Side. He’d left him to his fate, for all that he dug his heels in and _pulled_ his drowning father back into the Light at the end.

Ben feels a rather abrupt need to sit down.

“Ben!” Rey yelps as he drops unceremoniously to the ground.

“He wasn’t even going to try and save me,” he whispers hoarsely. “He just—he wasn’t—”

Rey hits her knees in front of him, heedless of the stone they’re standing on, and gathers him up in her arms. “He was running from everything, not just you. That doesn’t excuse him, but it wasn’t _just_ you.”

Ben barks out harsh laughter, pressing his face into her shoulder as he fights to keep from falling apart _again_. “I don’t know if that should make me feel worse or better.”

Rey doesn’t try to offer any other commentary, she simply holds him and lets him work through his grief as much as he can at the moment. Ben knows they can’t stay like this forever, even as much as he wishes they could. He sort of understands the desire to just run from the chaos of it all. To just forget all the grief and strife plaguing the galaxy. To not have to constantly worry about who’s going to try and slip a knife between his ribs because of who he was and who he followed, or who might try and seduce him to do their bidding again.

However, that doesn’t mean he _will_.

Neither of them will.

They are both too invested in this fight to do anything but stand and face the Darkness looming over them all. They’ve faced their fears and conquered them.

Footsteps come hurrying up the stone steps, and then an out of breath Han demands, “Are you alright?” Faintly, over the crashing of waves, Ben can make out the sound of the _Falcon’s_ engines revving in preflight readiness. “Kid, are you—kriffing hell, that’s Luke.” His father fumbles to a stop to stare wide-eyed at his brother-in-law and friend. Then his eyes go hard as he looks to Ben and Rey still sitting on the ground. “What’d Luke do?” he demands. A few steps puts him between them and Luke, and his hand rests by his blaster with the deceptive ease of one ready to draw at a moment’s notice.

Ben barely hangs onto his just rallied emotions when he realizes that Han just put himself in front of his friend for _him_. He’s made himself a barrier between Ben and Luke while taking _Ben’s_ side. He looks liable to shoot Luke if Ben gives the word, no further questions asked. There’s a steadied determination about him that reminds Ben that for all his father was a flighty bastard for much of his youth, he still stood beside his mother and uncle to face down the Empire terrorizing the galaxy.

“He failed my test, so I put him to sleep,” Rey states flatly.

Han blinks, the battle hardened warrior disappearing as he looks at her with impressed disbelief. “That’d be why Chewie and I felt woozy there for a moment?”

Ben feels more than sees Rey’s brief moment of sheepishness through their bond. “I wanted to make sure it stuck.”

Han snorts out a chuckle. “Well, I’d say it did. We stickin around till he wakes up?”

Rey shakes her head. “No, I won’t be able to surprise him like this again anytime soon. We need to get him onto the _Falcon_ and leave before he does wake up, otherwise we’re not going to get him off this planet without a fight.”

An eyebrow rises as Han regards his friend with obvious disappointment. “That so? Well then, I’ll just go get Chewie so he can lug Luke to the _Falcon_. Any reason to stick around after that?”

Rey pulls away to get to her feet, and Ben misses the heat of her the instant she moves. She offers him a hand that he takes, easily helping him up as well. “There is one place I need to check, but after that we’ll be able to go.”

“Be right back then.” Han starts back towards his ship, clapping a hand on Ben’s shoulder as he passes.

They watch him go until he disappears into the ship before Rey exhales loudly. “Do you want to come with me to the tree library?”

Ben wrenches his eyes away from the _Falcon_ where he’d been waiting for the Wookie to appear back to where his unconscious uncle still is. If he doesn’t go with her, he’ll either be waiting here with Luke or trudging down to the _Falcon_ by himself where he’ll be alone with his father, something he doesn’t quite think he’s ready for just yet.

“Please.”

* * *

When Luke comes to, his head hurts.

His head hurts, it tastes like there’s grit in his mouth, and he’s very rapidly realizing that he’s no longer on Ahch-To given the faint humming sound only found on a ship. And he sunk his X-Wing first thing when he landed on Ahch-To.

Abruptly sitting up turns out to be a bad idea, as it just makes his head hurt even more. When the pounding somewhat dies down and he can actually look at his surroundings, he’s very startled to realize that he _recognizes_ them.

He’s on the _Millennium Falcon_.

Last he heard, Han had lost this ship to Ducain.

And the girl who’d approached him, while worn, hadn’t seemed smuggler worn. She’d been desert worn and desert tempered. Much like he had been in his youth. He does wonder where exactly she found his father’s lightsaber.

The thought of his father’s weapon reminds him of his own, and he belatedly wonders if it got left on Ahch-To along with Leia’s. Because while the girl might’ve managed to make him sleep through sheer force of will, he can’t imagine she’ll have been able to find his sister’s saber in addition to his own. Then, just to prove him wrong, his eyes go and actually spot his saber. Because of course it’s got to be sitting innocently beside the bunk she put him. He gingerly picks it up, wondering with more than a bit of self-loathing how much the crystal must be yelling at him. He almost wants to open himself back up to the Force if only to hear, but he can’t bear the ache in his chest if he does. Instead he places it back where he found it to contemplate later.

And then he catches the faint sound of two people talking, so he levers himself off the bed and makes himself walk towards them on slightly unsteady feet.

“—fine, Master. Snips is with them, as is Master Jinn. They won’t let them do anything too stupid, and would you look at that, my wayward son is finally awake.”

Luke stumbles to a halt at the sight of his _father_ and a young Obi-Wan Kenobi from the days of the Clone Wars sitting calmly in the main hold of the _Falcon_ like they visited all the time when in truth Luke hasn’t seen or heard from either of them since Endor. “Father?” he chokes out past the lump in his throat.

“Hello son.” Anakin is sporting a desert sharp grin as he rises from where he’d been lounging. “I’ve gotta say, I was impressed Rey managed to knock you flat on your ass like that. It really was a thing of beauty.”

Luke blinks in befuddlement, wondering at the familiarity in his father’s voice when he mentions the girl who’d apparently managed to successfully knock him out with the Force for all that he’d never heard of her before. “You...You know the girl?”

Anakin inclines his head. “I do. She’s as much a child of the desert as you and I were. I helped her when I could, taught her the stories of Tatooine in return for her stories of Jakku, and showed her some pretty neat Force tricks along the way.”

“I do recall Master Yoda and Master Windu had a few choice words for you after _that_ particular incident,” Obi-Wan interjects dryly, “mostly because we do not need another Skywalker running around with your insane abilities. The galaxy can only take so much Skywalker drama at a time.”

“ _Skywalker_?” Luke all but yelps because _what_? “Leia didn’t—”

“Rey is not a Skywalker by blood,” Anakin interrupts. “However, she had no family name to claim as her own growing up, so I didn’t protest when she started using mine.”

“She gets into enough mischief to be one at any rate,” Obi-Wan says blandly. “You were a handful growing up, Luke here drove the Lars’ near to distraction on many occasions, Leia apparently was a precocious little girl in her youth, and Ben has repeatedly displayed a rather horrifying mixture of your family’s odd style of luck to go along with Solo levels of recklessness. Given the vast majority of stunts young Rey has pulled, she fits right in with you all.”

Amusement and a fair bit of embarrassment flood Luke at the listing of his family's history for shenanigans, but the casual mention of Ben, his great failure, is like a punch to the gut. “Father, I—”

Anakin immediately cuts him off. “Oh, we’re not going to get into that just yet. That’ll have to wait until your sister joins us.”

“Leia’s coming?” It’s both a thrilling and terrifying thought. He hasn’t seen his sister once since he lost her son six years ago. Even cut off from the Force, he still aches for his sister in ways he can’t even begin to describe. However, he’s not sure he can handle her disappointment, not after all this time.

The look his father gives him is very obviously questioning his intelligence. “Of course she’s coming, she’s been looking for you for _years_.” Luke gulps at that rather intimidating knowledge. Leia’s probably on a warpath by now, and woe unto anyone or anything who stands in her way. “In any event, you’ll have your chance to say your part once she catches up with us. For now, I’d suggest going to introduce yourself properly to your new companion.”

Luke grimaces, but knows his father speaks the truth. The girl, Rey, is a _very_ powerful Force user, and it would be a bad idea to leave her unattended and unguided, no matter how much the idea of taking on another padawen grates at old injuries. “Hopefully she won’t put me to sleep again,” he says a touch ruefully. He’s impressed with that despite himself.

Neither Obi-Wan or Anakin cracks a joke at his very poor attempt at humor. Instead, both regard him with such intense levels of scrutiny that he’s rather alarmingly reminded that both men were _Generals_ once upon a time. Just like Leia, a look of condemning judgement from them can rattle even the steadiest of men to their bones, and Luke is feeling _very_ judged right now.

“She should be just outside,” Anakin finally says in a soft yet flat tone. “And son? I’d suggest _not_ provoking her.”

With that somewhat terrifying warning ringing in his ears, Luke crosses the main hold to find the boarding ramp already lowered. He pauses at the top of it, sucking in a deep breath as he steels himself for what he’s about to do.

And then the sound of something he hasn’t heard in years registers.

The humming buzz of lightsabers clashing.

Heedless of the loud thunking of his boots on the steel ramp, he hurries down to a sight that immediately stops him in his tracks.

Two figures circle each other, one in sand-stained white and the other in dusty black. Both wield blue sabers that they handle with an ease born of years of usage. As they move, Luke realizes that the sand-stained white person is Rey. She’s sporting a look of fierce concentration, eyes locked unerringly onto her opponent. They charge with no visible prompting, sabers locking together only to rickashay off as they weave around each other. It’s then that the person in dusty black’s face finally turns towards him.

“Ben?!”

At his startled exclamation, the two fighters freeze before almost warily turning to face him fully.

And it _is_ Ben. Luke would like to think that he knows his nephew and he _definitely_ knows the Dark Side. There’s a certain air about someone messing with it, a sort of haughtiness that’s hard to replicate, and his nephew shows none of those signs.

Instead, he stares at Luke wide-eyed and chest heaving.

Luke takes a hesitant step forward, unsure if what he’s seeing is actually true for all that he wants it to be.

Ben stumbles backwards a step, lightsaber falling from limp fingers.

Rey is between them as Ben hits his knees. She follows him down, gathering the fracturing boy up into her arms as he starts to cry. Great heaving sobs tear their way out of his throat, and Luke finds all he can do is stare. Stare in dawning horrified realization that _he_ is the reason Ben is like this.

It was the sight of _him_ that broke Ben.

It was the sight of _him_ that drove his nephew to his knees like this.

It was the sight of _him_ that has him crying out what seems like a lifetime of emotions into the welcoming arms of a desert girl who holds him like he’s her whole world.

“Well _that_ could’ve gone better.”

The familiar drawl of his friend and brother-in-law is what finally makes Luke look away.

“Han?”

The man is standing beside his ship, arms crossed, shoulders tense, and scowling heavily. “What’d ya do this time, kid? This is the fourth time in two days my son has had a meltdown like this, and I gotta say, I’m gettin _real_ sick of it. So what’d ya do to make him start crying _again_?”

Luke finds he can only sputter. “I didn’t—I didn’t do—”

“He tried to approach Ben, and my grandson was apparently not prepared to see my son awake anytime soon,” Anakin states blandly, appearing between the two of them. “Rey is soothing the panic attack that produced.”

“Father!” Luke yelps, wondering at how Han doesn’t seem the least bit surprised to see the Force ghost of Anakin Skywalker.

Han does swear under his breath, but he relaxes the rigidity of his stance. “Great.”

“What—?” Luke’s eyes dart between the two. “I don’t understand.”

“Yeah?” Han scoffs. “Welcome to _my_ life.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy May the Fourth, everyone!
> 
> Ridiculously happy I got this chapter done in time to post today! It's one quite a few people have been waiting for!
> 
> Enjoy!

They end up avoiding Luke.

It takes some doing, and the assistance of Han, Chewie, and all the Force ghosts who seem intent on continually popping up wherever she goes, but they manage, her and Ben.

On occasion, she does feel a tad sorry to be keeping Ben from Luke like she is, but all she has to do is remember the overwhelming panic that swept over Ben the instant he laid eyes on his uncle and her resolve remains firm. She might’ve made her peace with Luke, but Ben hasn’t. And this _isn’t_ the Luke she made peace with.

So they avoid him until the Resistance arrives.

Rey relishes the time she has with Ben in the inbetween.

Never before has she had someone to fall asleep and wake up next to. At least, not someone who doesn’t trigger long since ingrained survival instincts. With Ben she doesn’t jerk awake at the slightest movement. With Ben she actually _sleeps_ , and in turn so does he.

And stars, the training.

She has a good fifty years of experience behind her, but she knows that doesn’t mean she’s learned everything she can. And surprisingly, Ben turns out to be a very capable teacher. She does wonder if the way she can almost instinctively pick up on what he’s showing her is partially because of their dyad bond. Regardless of whether or not it is, she learns what she can from him and in turn begins to teach him what she learned in her years of wandering.

She made sure to make Ben use his grandfather’s lightsaber whenever they train on forms. It seems happiest in his hands for all that it works well for her. She’d recovered it from where Luke’d thrown it to after putting the man to sleep and resisting the urge to scream. Leia’s saber rests easily in her hand for all that she wishes for the saber she made. At some point, she wants them both to make lightsabers specifically for _them_ , but until they have the time and resources to do that, the ones they have will do.

They also discuss Finn, because he felt her die on Exogol. A bond was formed between them, and Rey intends to honor that bond this time. She won’t leave him floundering. To say nothing of the fact that she doesn’t want Luke teaching Finn his bad habits, so either she or Ben will have to teach him, and she’s not sure if Finn will be willing to learn from Ben anytime soon. It’s a problem they’ll have to address once they’re all together again, and most likely after their story is told.

When the Resistance does arrive, night is starting to fall on Crait.

After a rapid, hushed discussion before they went their separate ways, Poe, Finn and her had chosen Crait as their meeting point again both because of available fuel levels, and they at least have an idea of what to do if the First Order manages to catch them again mid evacuation and pursues. Luck must’ve been on their side, because there’s far more people arriving than there were last time.

It’s also a good thing they apparently haven’t lost their flagship. There’s no way Rey’d be able to fit all these people on the _Falcon_ again. Despite never having been on said flagship before, it’s still an impressive sight hanging up in Crait’s sky as shuttles start bringing people planetside.

“Rey!” Finn comes tearing across the salted terrain the instant the transport he’s on lets him off, slowing down just enough that they don’t go toppling over when he slams into her. His giddiness at seeing her has the both of them dissolving into giggles while whirling around in circles. When they somewhat manage to calm back down, they separate just far enough to grin fondly at each other. Of course, Finn just has to go and ruin the mood by asking, “So, did you find him?”

Rey immediately scowls. “Yes, we found him.”

Finn blinks at her. “You don’t exactly sound happy about that.”

Rey huffs out an irritated breath. “I’d been hoping that he’d react differently this time when I handed him his father’s lightsaber. He didn’t.”

“So she put him to sleep,” Ben drawls from where he’s still standing. “It was a good half day before he woke back up.”

Finn looks back at him, then at Rey again in disbelief. “You put him to _sleep_?”

She lifts her chin defiantly, wondering how often she’s going to have to defend her actions. “He wouldn’t have left the island or the planet willingly, and I wasn’t going to leave him there.” She sighs, letting the tension of the Luke situation go for the moment. It’s not Finn’s fault he irks her so much, and she doesn’t want to take her frustration about him out on her first friend. “The evacuation went okay?”

Finn shoots her a knowing look, but lets it go. “Yeah, no Dreadnought sighting at all. We’ll be sticking around here for a few days to gather what resources we can, then heading on to the next base. General Organa has personnel rotating between who's going to be planetside and who stays up on the _Raddus_ to speed things up.”

Rey nods in understanding. “Base hopping until we get to Ajan Kloss?”

“Don’t know.” Finn shrugs a shoulder. “We’re not in charge anymore, as I’ve continually reminded Poe.” He lets out a sigh of his own. “Do you honestly have _any_ idea what happened to us, Rey? Because I don’t think the Generals are going to wait until we’ve picked a base to make our new headquarters.”

With a grimace, Rey retreats a few steps so she can stand by Ben again. “I don’t _know_ , Finn. Nothing I found in my travels mentioned something of this magnitude, and none of the masters who visit have any idea either.”

“ _Great,_ ” Finn grumbles. “So kriffing helpful. So what exactly are we going to tell them, then?”

Rey glances up at Ben, whose face is pinched but resigned at the situation. They’d discussed it when it became apparent that no one had the answers they wanted and needed. No matter how painful it might be, it needs to be done. “The truth,” she finally says. “There’s nothing else we can really do. Master Skywalker, Master Kenobi, Master Tano and Master Jinn said they’d provide input when necessary, but the story’s really ours to tell.”

Finn scrubs a hand wearily over his face. “We figured it would probably lead to this,” he mumbles, casting his eyes skywards. “Poe wants Karé Kun to join our storytelling session along with General Organa, General Solo, Chewie, and Master Luke.”

Rey cocks her head to the side, dredging up the familiar sounding name from the depths of her memories. “Is she one of his squad members?”

“Yeah.”

“Did he give a reason?” Because she knows Poe, and he wouldn’t ask for just anyone to be allowed to hear their telling of what happened.

“She’s one of the ones who served under him when he still flew for the Republic,” Finn explains. “She’ll push for an answer of any kind because, as Poe rightfully pointed out, the work they do requires explicit trust. He’s going to act so different, and we can’t really change that. He already warned her that the explanations will be unbelievable.” A rueful grin spreads across his lips. “She said to let her determine what she believes or not.”

From what Rey remembers, that very much sounds like the woman. “Ben?” While she herself has no issue with Karé being there, Ben has far more to lose should she not believe anything. So if he vetoes the idea, she’ll back him up to fullest extent no matter Poe and Finn’s protests.

Her dyad partner threads their fingers together, squeezing gently. “She can come,” he murmurs. “Dameron makes a good point.”

“You’re sure?”

He squeezes her hand again. “I’m sure.”

She gives him a small smile, knowing how much he’s risking by agreeing. “Then should we try and give our explanation tonight?”

Finn nods his agreement. “Don’t see why not. Can’t see the situation getting any better the longer we delay.”

Ben snorts out a chuckle. “True enough.”

* * *

“Poe?” The instant she can corner her other friend for a moment, Rey does. They’ve set in motion all they can to be ready for the meeting tonight, but there’s one thing Rey wants to do before then. And Poe is the only one she can think of to ask for the help she needs to be able to do it.

“Rey?”

She worries her lower lip between her teeth, anxious for all that she knows he’ll help. “I need some help with something,” she says softly.

He glances beyond her, probably wondering at Ben’s absence. They have been pretty much attached at the hip since they found each other, so it’s a legitimate concern. He doesn’t mention it, though. “Sure. What do you need?”

“Hair ties and pins.”

Poe stares at her in obvious befuddlement. “Hair ties and pins?”

She actually bites her lower lip as she dips her head to show he’d heard correctly. And she does understand his confusion. She never was much for caring about her appearance before, but these are extenuating circumstances and she wants all the confidence she can give herself. “Yes.”

He blinks repeatedly, rolling her request around in his mind. “Right. Come with me.” He turns on his heel and marches out of the room. Rey falls in behind him, trusting him to not lead her astray. They exit the base and head over to where some X-Wings are parked waiting for their turn in the sky. “Hey Jess, Karé! Either of you got a second?”

Two heads pop up at Poe’s shout, one blonde and the other black.

The black-haired woman grins widely. “For you, Commander, I’ve got more than just a measly second.”

The blonde rolls her eyes, but nods in agreement. “Is this pertaining to the meeting later?” she asks, looking directly at Rey. This must be Karé Kun, then. Rey likes the looks of her. She has a steadiness that won’t be so easily rattled. It’s comforting to know that Poe has always had someone like this at his back, even before he found Finn, because they all know how much of a daredevil Poe can be.

“Not sure.” Poe jerks a thumb towards her. “Rey here needs some hair ties and pins, so I thought to defer to your female expertise instead of trying myself and botching it up.”

Now both women focus on her. Karé raises an eyebrow. “That so?”

Jessika Pava’s grin becomes rather knowing for all that she and Rey don’t know each other at _all_. “Trying to impress a certain someone?”

Rey can feel her cheeks heating up at the insinuation, but it’s not actually why she wants to do this. “Confidence, actually,” she corrects.

Karé nods in understanding. “We’ve got this, Commander.” She makes a shooing motion. “Leave this to the professionals.”

Poe looks to her for confirmation that she’s okay with that before bowing out. “See you in an hour, Rey, Karé.”

Rey briefly watches him go, because for all that she’s okay with being alone with Jessika and Karé, they’re still his friends and not hers, and a small part of her wants him to stay to be a buffer. Then she shakes herself and turns her attention to the two women she’s standing with. Jessika has clammered back up into her X-Wing.

“She has more hair things than I do,” Karé explains, running a hand through her short cropped hair, “but I’m more than willing to help if you need any and can tell me what to do.”

Rey reaches up a hand to touch her hair, bound in her usual three buns. “I got rather good at wrangling my hair on my own, as it would be a liability otherwise scavenging back on Jakku. It would’ve been more practical for me to cut it, but in the one good memory I have of my mother she had long hair.” She lets her hand fall back down by her side as a sad, bitter smile spreads across her lips. “So I clung to my long hair to be closer to her.”

“You lost her when you were young?” Karé askes softly, no judgement in her tone or her face, and for that Rey is grateful.

Her intake of breath is shaky, the emotions being dredged up being ones she’d thought she’d have more time till having to confront again. “I never saw my father or mother again after they left me on Jakku over ten years ago.”

“What?” Jessika yelps, all but tumbling out of her X-Wing.

Karé’s eyes widen minutely. “Leave it, Pava,” she barks.

“But Karé—!”

Karé whirls around to point a finger at her fellow pilot. “No, Pava. _I’ll_ answer any questions you have later.”

Jessika looks like she’s going to protest some more, but then understanding dawns across her face. “Kriffing hell, I’m so sorry!” She thrusts out her hands, palms facing upwards and with the hair ties and pins she needs cradled in them. “Here, take as many as you need.”

Again, Rey worries her lip between her teeth. “I don’t exactly know how many I’m going to need.” It’s been a while since she’s done this, and her hair isn’t anywhere near as healthy now as it was then.

“The only other thing I have to do today is the meeting you’re also going to be in,” Karé says almost soothingly. “We can stay here or go inside the base to get your hair done, whatever you want.”

“You’re okay with staying out here?” she checks. This is supposed to both be a confidence boost for herself and a surprise of sorts for Ben. She has a better chance of making sure he doesn’t see her before she’s done if she stays out here, but she’ll make do inside the base if necessary.

Karé gives her an amused smile. “I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.” Jessika nods in almost frantic agreement.

Rey exhales slowly before reaching up to pull her hair free of the usual style she wears. Her hair tumbles down past her shoulders, a feeling she’s not used to in the slightest. She wraps her three hair ties around her wrist before starting on what it is she wants to do, lips pursed in concentration. Her fingers don’t fumble for all that they’ve never styled her hair like she’s attempting to in this time before.

Jessika hands her ties and pins as she requests them, otherwise she just sits and waits beside Karé whose eyebrows are climbing higher and higher the clearer it becomes what exactly Rey’s doing. Given that the woman’s served under Leia Organa’s command for a good number of years, Rey isn’t surprised.

Still, Rey twists her hair into the proper braids without comment.

She wraps a crown of victory around her head, because they were victorious in the end and they _will_ be victorious again.

She weaves the status of princess in amongst the victory, because Leia gave her leave to do so for all that her and Ben made no promises to each other the first time round.

She fixes the mark of being part of House Organa on top of it all, because she is a princess only through her claim to Ben. She might’ve taken the name of Skywalker in the end, but she is Ben’s first and foremost, and this is one of many ways she plans on making that particular fact abundantly clear.

When she’s finished, Karé lets out a low, impressed whistle. “Claiming quite a lot there, aren’t you?”

Rey shoots her a searching look. “You know the meaning of Alderaan braids, then?”

Karé gives a seemingly careless shrug of her shoulders. “They’re important to my General, so I read up a bit about them. Sometimes they make it a bit easier to figure out what kind of mood she’s in.”

Jessika frowns. “They do look familiar.”

“Probably because they are,” Rey says, rising to her feet. She lets her eyes flutter shut and reaches out to Ben. _Where are you?_

 _Waiting with Poe and Finn,_ he immediately replies. _Do you need me to come to you?_

 _No, I’ll come to you._ She blinks her eyes back open and looks at Karé who’s watching her warily. “I’m going to meet with Poe. Do you want to come with me?”

Karé blinks. “You know where the Commander is?”

“No, I know where Ben is,” Rey corrects her. “Poe just happens to be with him.”

Karé blinks again. “Is that a Force thing?”

Rey gives her a rueful smile for all that she won’t try and explain the uniqueness of her bond with Ben right now. As nice as Karé and Jessika seem, they have no way of truly understanding the depth of her dyad bond because neither of them are Force users. “I suppose you could say that. You coming with?”

Karé’s gaze slides back over to Jessika. “Let Wexley know I’m off the clock, will you?”

“Can do.” Jessika flashes Rey a small but true smile. “It was nice meeting you, Rey.”

Rey dips her head down in a nod. “You too.” Then she turns and starts back towards the base. Karé falls into step beside her, though neither of them strike up a conversation as they walk.

Whispers follow in their wake, as Rey imagined they would. Still, she keeps her head high and her pace sure because she _earned_ these braids no matter what anyone else thinks. She earned them through sweat and blood and tears and unimaginable loss, and she’s not about to let anyone take away one of the few comforts she ever allowed herself.

The room her friends are waiting in is tucked away in the back of the caverns. Crates have been dragged in for more seating, and surprisingly Leia, Han, Luke, and Chewie are already there. Luke is sitting ramrod straight and Force presence rolling uneasily, Chewie beside him almost like a guard of sorts. Leia and Han are side by side, thighs pressed together as they watch Finn, Poe, and Ben on the other side of the room. Rey’s mercifully glad she managed to escape the reunion between brother and sister, as she’s already born witness to one such shouting match and had no desire to do so again.

Poe and Finn are bracketing Ben, sentinels keeping a wary eye on the ones who’ve thus far proved capable of breaking her dyad partner. Rey feels a rush of relief at their steady comradery for all that she knows the three of them are still learning each other.

Ben is slumped in his seat in a futile attempt to disappear. He feels almost as uneasy as Luke for all that his face is carefully blank. His head snaps up when she walks in through the doorway. A grin starts to spread across his lips, but then he actually _sees_ her.

The crate he’s sitting on scraps loudly against the floor as he abruptly bolts to his feet.

They stare at each other while Karé slips in past her and hurries over to Poe. No one else makes a noise, even with the heavy air of anticipation pressing down on them all.

Ben’s throat bobs as he swallows thickly, a flush of red spreading across his cheeks.

Then he’s marching determinedly across the room until he’s right in front of her. Like always, having the entirety of his Force presence focused solely on her is a heady and dizzying feeling. His hands come up to cradle her face, and heat blooms underneath where he touches her.

“Ben,” she breathes, just like she did that day on Exogol.

Only this time he’s the one who closes the distance between them.

She sighs happily when his lips settle over hers, eyes fluttering shut as he kisses her with a determined softness that makes her feel cherished and wanted and _loved_. His thumbs stroke her cheeks, tipping her head further back so he can kiss her even easier. One of her hands slides up his neck to tangle her fingers in his hair while the other grips his shirt right over his thundering heart.

It’s better than she remembers.

They’re not broken and battered.

She’s not going to lose him the instant the moment’s over with.

There’s an achingly familiar hunger in his eyes as he finally draws back, a hunger that almost completely eclipses raw and painful hope and awe. The sight hurts her more than she cares to admit. With a tenderness she hadn’t known she possessed until now, she reaches up to brush Ben’s hair aside to better see his face. “You’re not alone,” she whispers.

His breath catches harshly in the back of his throat as he blinks against the wetness building in the corner of his eyes. “Neither are you,” he returns hoarsely, and it’s everything she’s ever wanted to hear.

The vast gulf that had separated them the last time they’d said those words to each other is gone. They can stay with each other now.

The clearing of a throat makes both of them jerk for all that they don't move apart from each other. “Right, sorry,” and Poe does sound apologetic, “but we have a rather limited amount of time to explain things.”

Rey huffs out an irritated sigh at the interruption, but she knows he’s right. Doesn’t mean she has to like it, though. Ben looks just as annoyed, but he leads her back to where he’d been sitting before. He rights the crate and folds himself back onto it. She settles herself right beside him, hand in his.

“Karé, I hate to ask this, but could you go sit by General Organa?” Poe continues, voice soft but firm. His fellow pilot raises an eyebrow at the request, but she obediently moves to sit beside Han and Leia without protesting. Poe clears his throat again, glancing at each person before settling his gaze on her. “Right, so Rey, do you want to start or should I?”

Ben gives her hand a comforting squeeze and Rey makes her spine straighten because she is _not_ afraid. “I’ll start. I'm where it all started to deviate.” She takes a deep breath and begins.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay in getting this chapter out, it did not want to be written!
> 
> And while the second half still seems kind of rushed to me, I had had quite enough of forcing poor Ben through all the feels that he experiences in this chapter. Force preserve me, we will eventually get to a point where Ben doesn’t cry/breakdown every other chapter, I swear!
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

“On Jakku, I found BB-8 out in the desert being taken by another scavenger. I saved him and then brought him to Niima Outpost in an attempt to find whoever he belonged to.” Rey exhales explosively. “When I didn’t turn him over to Unkar Plutt, he sent thugs after us as the First Order was already looking for BB-8. While dealing with said thugs, BB-8 spotted someone wearing the jacket he’d last seen Poe in, so I confronted them.”

“That _hurt_ , by the way,” Finn mutters under his breath.

She shoots him an unimpressed look. “It was supposed to. In any event, Finn managed to tell us that he’d helped Poe escape the _Finalizer_ , but that he couldn’t find Poe anywhere around the crash sight of the TIE fighter they’d stolen and so assumed that he was dead. By that point, the First Order had caught up with us, so we were forced to run.” A wry smile stretches across her lips. “We ended up stealing a ship that I’d long considered a hunk of garbage. Turns out it was the _Falcon_. We dealt with the TIE fighters trying to shoot us out of the sky and managed to leave Jakku in one piece.”

Finn interjects again. “You’re forgetting the fact that you flew us through a downed Star Destroyer to achieve that.”

Ben jerks beside her. “You did _what_?”

“The gun was jammed. It was the only way to give Finn a clear shot.” She twists to frown at him. “You didn’t know that already?”

Ben shakes his head. “No one ever mentioned that particular fact to me.”

“Probably because of your...ah... _temper_ issues,” the former stormtrooper points out.

“Ah.” Ben blinks a few times. “Now that I think about it, I _did_ destroy a control panel when I was told that you had managed to evade capture along with BB-8. I was even more livid when Rey was mentioned. Probably for the best that I wasn’t told just how badly my troopers got schooled.”

Now that he’s said it, it doesn’t actually surprise Rey. She vividly remembers just how volatile his temper had been in those early days. It hadn’t really gotten any better, but he’d gotten slightly better at controlling it. “In any event, once we were clear of Jakku, Han found us.”

“Hey now, you didn’t mention Ben joining you,” Han immediately protests.

Rey fixes a flat and unyielding look on the man. “He wasn’t with us then.”

“No, I was heading to Starkiller Base aboard the _Finalizer_ to meet with General Hux and Supreme Leader Snoke,” Ben says softly. “Hux then suggested using the weapon built into the planet to destroy the government of the New Republic and the Resistance. Snoke gave him permission to do so.”

“Son, that doesn’t make any _sense_. You were on the _Falcon_ with Rey and Finn.”

Ben’s grip on Rey’s hand starts borderlining on painful, but Rey doesn’t mention it. She needs the reassurance just as much as he does. “The first time I saw you after you left me with Luke was on Starkiller Base and you tried unsuccessfully to call me home.”

Now Han’s starting to get agitated for all that Leia lays a hand in warning on his leg. “I didn’t _go_ to Starkiller Base, you made me stay with your mom on D’Qar.”

“Because last time I _killed_ you on Starkiller Base on Snoke’s orders!” Ben explodes, springing to his feet. “Excuse me for making sure Snoke couldn’t get you a second time!”

That sparks movement all around the room.

Karé immediately leaps up out of her seat as well, placing herself between Ben and her generals. Her blaster is drawn for all that she points it towards the ground. She watches Ben with a wary, trained gaze that has Rey putting herself between them with a hand resting on the saber on her belt. This has Karé flickering between her and her dyad partner, which is what Rey wants. It might take a while, but people _will_ learn that to threaten Ben is to threaten her as well.

“Everyone, _stand down_ ,” Poe barks, looking sharply at Karé and Chewie who’s also standing now. The Wookie has placed himself right in front of Luke, who’s staring at Ben in utter horror. It makes Rey want to knock him unconscious again, because _no one_ is allowed to look at her partner like that. Like he’s just a ticking bomb about to explode. “We mentioned that there would be things you’d have to believe for yourself before this all started. That includes people _dying_.”

“Dameron, you’re speaking of deaths as though they’ve already happened and yet Han is _alive_ ,” Leia states flatly. “That doesn’t fit into this story of yours.”

Rey sucks in a deep breath before meeting the General’s gaze. “In 85 ABY, I went to Ahch-To to die.” Surprise ricochets through every being present not already in the know and Rey is grimly pleased to have their full attention. “I assumed I released myself into the Force. Instead, a mere moment passed and I abruptly found myself on Jakku again the day my life changed from being a simple scavenger to something more.”

Finn’s half stifled moan at the mention of her second death is the only sound made for a good few moments after her revelation.

“Fifty years?” Ben whispers hoarsely, a hand on her shoulder turning her to face him. His expression is just as broken as it had been back when they were kneeling in the sand on Jakku. “You lived—”

Rey bows her neck and presses her forehead against his steadily beating heart. “I lived my life for _you_ , Ben.” A harsh sob tears its way out of her throat, despite her poor attempt to silence it. In the few days it’s been since her entire world upended, they haven’t really discussed the years she’d been alone. Even being able to feel his heat beat out a semi steady tempo against her skin and feel the bond between them whole and healthy, she still carries the scars from when she’d had to go on without him. “ _Please_ don’t make me do that again.”

“Captain Kun, stow your weapon and _sit back down_ ,” Poe commands as Ben wraps an arm around her.

Karé, of course, protests. “Poe, he—!”

“I know _exactly_ who he is,” Poe retorts, stepping forward and gently but firmly directing Ben and Rey back to where they’d been sitting before everyone exploded. Ben all but collapses back onto his crate, and Rey drops herself into his lap instead of sitting beside him. She tucks herself underneath his chin, wishing she could do more for the tremor in his hands. Still, his arms around her soothe the still broken parts of her soul. “ _I’m_ the one he tortured to get information out of. Me, and also Rey later on.” Because she’s pressed so close, Rey feels Ben’s minute flinch at the mention of those particular instances. All she thinks she can do at the moment is press herself all the closer, because they _need_ this story told and more interruptions won’t help, so that’s what she does. “Don’t think for one moment that we don’t understand just what he’s capable of. However, there are things that you aren’t aware of—”

“He _just_ admitted to killing General Solo!”

“In another timeline!”

Karé makes an annoyed noise. “That doesn’t mean he won’t do it again!”

A fractured sob drags its way out of Ben at this pronouncement, and Rey scrambles to return the embrace he’s been holding her in. To enfold him with her love as a counterpoint to the anger and suspicion being rained down on him. It takes all her self-control to not hurl abuse back at the woman for daring to hurt her partner. However, Ben is more important, and he needs her focused on him right now.

“I would _suggest_ , Captain Kun, that you do not aggravate my grandson any further than you already have,” Anakin snarls, appearing right in front of Karé. She shrieks at his sudden arrival, stumbling backwards until she hits the crate she’d been sitting on moments before. Then she goes down in a tumble of limbs, eyes wide and chest heaving, with a pissed off Jedi Master towering over her. “That would be detrimental to _everyone_ in this room.”

“Anakin, your grandson needs you helping _him_ , not terrifying this young lady into compliance,” Obi-Wan instructs, laying a hand on his former Padawan’s shoulder. “Let me handle this.”

Anakin wordlessly growls back, but stomps over to Ben and Rey. He heaves a sigh, dragging a hand down his face before crouching down and fixing a tired look on Rey as Ben still has his face pressed into her shoulder. “There are going to be moments that will hurt far worse than this,” he intones flatly, yet Rey can see just how much it pains him to have to say this. “There will be people who will judge you based on your past and immediately determine that you will never be able to rise above it. They will do everything in their power to make you react, because then they will be _right_. It will hurt, it will sting, and it will burn. It will make you want to rage against the unjustness of it all, and above all, it will at times make you feel less than human.”

A hush descends over the room as Anakin pauses, everyone quiet save for Ben’s ragged breathing. Rey just continues to run her hand up and down his back, wordlessly letting him know that she’s there in every way that she can. She does a quick glance at everyone else, wanting to know if there are others she will need to defend Ben from.

Karé is staring blankly at her lap, eyes slightly glazed over. Rey doesn’t think she’ll be a problem again.

Han, surprisingly enough, is holding a furious Leia firmly in place. Rey’s a bit startled by that, especially considering that Anakin stuck Han in carbonite the last time they truly met. For all she knows, they might’ve talked when she and Ben weren’t around. And she’s well aware that Leia is furious at Anakin, not Ben, so the fury there doesn’t worry her.

Chewie has returned to his seat, but Rey hasn’t got a clue as to what he’s thinking. Given the number of years since she’s actually seen the Wookie face to face, that doesn’t exactly surprise her.

Luke still looks horrified, but it no longer appears like it’s because he’s worried Ben will suddenly snap. More like he’s come to a realization that’s rocked his very foundation and now he’s floundering. Rey is viciously pleased by this, even though she knows she really shouldn’t be. She and him will have to have words later, when she’s in better control of herself, and she feels more comfortable leaving Ben alone with other people.

Poe is sitting back by Finn with an arm around his still shaky husband and staring warily at Obi-Wan Kenobi’s ghost, who’s watching this all with a serene expression that belays the raging storm she can feel in his Force presence.

Anakin inhales deeply, a pained and sad knowing look in his eyes as he continues. “It’s easy, in those moments, to justify retaliating. The rush of satisfaction that follows is a heady thing to chase after. But it would only ever be temporary, and the more you did it, the less you would be able to truly justify your actions and the more you would become just like _them_.”

“ _How_ , then?” Ben croaks, raising his head to stare at his grandfather with red-rimmed eyes. For all that he’s a full grown man, he looks more like a lost and scared boy to Rey than ever before. “How exactly am I supposed to withstand that?”

A gentle smile spreads across Anakin’s lips, a counter to the heavy atmosphere. “By surrounding yourself with people who know and love you. People who know of your past, of your triumphs and struggles and everything in between. People who have looked your darkness in the face and said, ‘this does not define you’. People who are willing to reach out their hand to you even when you’re drowning and lashing out at everything and everyone, who never give up on you despite all of this.” He tips his head towards Rey. “People like her, who understand just what exactly it is that you’ve been through. People like your father, who called even when he knew you wouldn’t answer at the time. People like your mother, who gave everything she had at the end to finally call you home.”

Ben frantically shakes his head. “No, I don’t want anyone dying for me again. I can’t—”

“Grandson, that’s not your decision to make,” Anakin kindly but firmly corrects him. “My son was willing to die by Sith lightning if it meant calling me home. Your parents are equally prepared to die for you if it means you’d be safe and free. And I’ve no doubt that Rey would do for you what you did for her if necessary. That is their choice and shows just how much they love you. It is _because_ they love you that they’re willing to sacrifice so much.” He raises an eyebrow. “You did similar for Rey, after all.”

And that’s something Rey refuses to let happen again. She _will_ _not_ lose her partner so soon after having him in her arms for days on end. Just as surely as the idea of people dying for Ben’s salvation terrifies him, the thought of losing Ben in any way, shape, or form sends shivers of dread down her spine and her heart to splinters.

“Kid.”

Han’s voice is like a blaster shot through the tension. Anakin stands and steps to the side so father and son can clearly see each other. Han waits until Ben meets his gaze before continuing.

“Kid, are you saying that you think you killed me in some other timeline?”

A wounded sound rumbles in the back of Ben’s throat. “I _did_ kill you. You followed me out onto the blasted walkway in the thermal oscillator, and then I ran you through with my lightsaber because Snoke thought that that would purge the lingering Light in my Force presence.” He scrubs weakly at the tears running down his cheeks. “It didn’t even kriffing work, and Snoke wasn’t pleased with that fact.” He shoots a pleading look at his father. “I love you Dad, and the last thing I want now is for you to actually be dead, but I praise whatever deities were watching over me that day because if it had been Mom on that walkway, I still would've done it but I would’ve _shattered_ , and I don’t think even Rey could’ve called me back from how low I would’ve sunk.” A brittle laugh escapes Ben, harsh and punishing. “I might’ve even reached the depths that Grandfather Fell to for all I know.”

“And yet, my son, who by all accounts should’ve hated me because of who I was and what I’d done, still managed to drag me back to the Light in the end,” Anakin says softly. “Just as your mother was able to do for you.” He unexpectedly _tsks_ his tongue. “Of course, we’ve completely deviated from the reason we’re all even here. Suffice to say, Ben did kill Han on Starkiller Base for all that he didn’t _this_ time. Rey, do you want to continue the story, or should we pass the honor onto one of the General Damerons’?”

Rey first turns her attention to her partner. If he needs her focus more, then Poe and Finn will just have to make due. “Ben?”

He’s still crying, still raw and emotional and overwhelmed. However, he gives her hand a squeeze. “Just don’t ask me to explain yet,” he says hoarsely. “I think I’ll be able to listen, but don’t—”

She squeezes back. “Alright.” Then she turns to Poe and Finn. “I’ll tell my portion and then you can tell yours?” she offers, because there are parts that she doesn’t know about, not having been there as it was when she was with Luke.

Poe gives her a weak smile. “That’ll work just fine.”

She dips her head in thanks before returning her attention to those opposite the four time travelers. They all have varying degrees of shock plastered across their faces. “Starkiller Base was destroyed in a similar manner to how we pulled it off this time. Only last time we lost Han, and Finn was unconscious with lightsaber burns all down his back when we left.” Ben flinches again, and Rey squeezes his hand in silent support. “Those of us who survived made it back to D’Qar. R2D2 woke up then, and with BB-8, we had a complete map to Luke on Ahch-To. Finn was still in a coma when I left with Chewie and R2 in the _Falcon_. When we arrived on Ahch-To, I made my way up to where Luke was by myself. I offered him his father’s lightsaber, which had called to me on Takodanna for all that I refused it at the time.” She fixes an exasperated gaze on Ben’s uncle and former Jedi Master who just looks bewildered at the sudden attention. “He threw it over his shoulder and off the cliff.”

There’s a moment of silence before Han bursts out laughing. Leia looks skywards as if asking for divine wisdom at her husband’s antics and Luke just looks even more confused than before. “Is that why you put him to sleep?” the smuggler asks almost gleefully.

“Yes,” Rey returns flatly for all that it feels a tad amusing with a little distance. Maybe she’ll actually laugh about it in later years, but right now she’s still annoyed. “He also informed me that he would never train another Jedi generation, as he’d gone to Ahch-To to die, and that it was time for the Jedi to die as well. I only received the training from him that I did because R2 ended up showing him General Organa’s old hologram message for Master Kenobi.”

“We _will_ be talking about that more later,” Leia barks, fixing her brother with a look that promises retribution should he try and get out of said talk. Rey’s mildly impressed when he simply nods back. Said look of Leia’s had sent many a Resistance fighter cowering, as she usually only brought it out when she was fed up with people’s bullshit.

“I eventually asked him what happened between him and Ben. He first told me that he’d sensed a growing darkness in Ben, and went to confront him. He said that Ben turned on him, and when he woke, the temple was in flames and there were dead and missing students. Ben countered that story with one of waking up to his uncle standing over his bed with a lit lightsaber. Fearing for his life, he retaliated.”

“Luke Skywalker, tell me you didn’t!” Leia all but explodes, springing to her feet and pointing an accusing finger at her wayward brother. “Tell me you didn’t think of actually killing my son!”

“I did.” Luke Skywalker, the legend and the hero, is bowed over with his grief and shame. “For one solitary and cursed second when I discovered the depths of corruption Snoke had sunk into him, I thought of it. But it passed and I was left with shame and a scared boy who’s master had failed him.” He lifts his head only to look at Rey with a broken expression. “Why do you think I left in the first place? I had already harmed my nephew enough, and the dream I’d built up gone with him.”

“I thought I’d killed you,” Ben chokes out, surprising Rey. “For the longest time, I honestly thought I’d killed you that night. It was only when rumors started circulating that there was a map that could lead to you if completed that I realized that I hadn’t.”

“You almost did,” Luke says in mirthless humor. “Had you actually wanted to kill me, I think you would’ve. Instead, all you wanted to do was get away and so I survived.”

“I did call down the storm that set the temple on fire and killed most of the other padawan learners, though,” her partner whispers. He’s trembling again, and it breaks Rey’s heart all over again that this shame of his is being dragged out into the open before he is ready to face it. “That’s still my fault.”

Luke shakes his head. “No, Ben, it isn’t. It’s mine. _I’m_ the one who backed you into that corner, however unintentional it was on my part. All blame for that night lies squarely on my shoulders because I let a moment of weakness consume me. You were my student, and that meant it was my duty to protect you, even if that meant from myself, and I _failed_.”

Well, at least he’s willing to acknowledge that particular fact this time without having to die first. Death may be an eye opener for the departed, but it doesn’t make it any easier on the living who remain behind. Rey learned that the hard way.

“I left Ahch-To after Luke finally told me the truth,” Rey continues softly, running her thumb over the back of Ben’s hand still in her grip. “Even when he tried to warn me that things wouldn’t turn out the way I wanted them to, I still went. I was certain both that there was nothing more he’d be willing to teach me and that the Resistance would eventually need me. However, first I went to Kylo Ren, to _Ben_. He brought me to Snoke, who taunted us both with the knowledge that _he_ was the one to open up the bond that had been plaguing the both of us ever since Starkiller Base.” She snorts, unimpressed as she now has actual knowledge of what was truly going on, but doesn’t think that elaborating on it right now is the proper time. “Then he further taunted me by stating that I’d give him Luke’s location before he’d make Ben kill me. However, Ben turned his trap back on him and killed that Sithspawned _thing_.” She exhales sharply, reining in her anger as it won’t serve her well in this situation. “Ben asked me to join him, then. He asked me to let the past die. I refused. In the process, Anakin’s lightsaber was damaged and I used the resulting explosion to meet back up with Chewie in the _Falcon_ , and we met up with what was left of the Resistance here on Crait. While getting everyone on board the _Falcon_ , Leia and I felt Luke pass on into the Force. After that, we base hopped until we settled on Ajan Kloss.” As that’s well after where their stories intersect again, Rey turns to look expectantly at her friends.

“Suppose it’s our turn, then,” Poe muses, clasping his hands together and leaning forward. “I’ll start with the fact that unlike this time, we did not immediately begin evacuation measures, and it came back to bite us in the ass. We were caught still mid evacuation by a Dreadnought. I made a play to stall for time, and it worked like a charm. However, when General Organa ordered me to retreat when we started losing our bombers, I didn’t listen to her.” He bows his head. “We lost all our bombers because I was an utter idiot. I managed to make it back to the _Raddus_ intact, and we jumped to hyperspace after that thinking we were in the clear. We weren’t, obviously.”

“The First Order has developed a hyperspace tracker,” Finn states flatly. “We didn’t know about it, though, until they suddenly appeared right behind us and sent TIE fighters out to blow up the command deck of the _Raddus_. General Organa, you were the only survivor, and that was only because you’d been trained to use the Force. This left Vice Admiral Holdo in charge, and she and Poe didn’t get along. He didn’t trust her enough to tell her of the plan Rose and I had cobbled together to infiltrate the _Mega_ -class Star Destroyer on our tails and give the _Raddus_ a chance to slip past the hyperspace tracker.”

Leia looks sharply at them. “Rose Tico?”

“Yeah, that’s her,” Finn says softly, and Rey grieves for that lost friendship. They might be able to rekindle something similar, but it will never be the one Finn remembers. “She caught me trying to leave because you were unconscious and I’d taken the binary beacon that was the twin to the one you’d given Rey to light her way home. I didn’t want her to stumble into the mess we were currently in, and Rose thought I was a deserter. She tased me before I could explain myself.”

“Be thankful you weren’t there when she rained hell down on my head for Paige,” Poe mutters into his hands. “She forgave me, but gods I almost wish she hadn’t.”

Finn twists so he can look at his husband. “Is that why you were so twitchy around her for a week or so after we got to Ajan Kloss?”

“Yep. Had quite a few people reem me for that spectacular failure.”

“We’re better now, though,” Finn murmurs in return, resting a hand between Poe’s shoulder blades. “We don’t go stupidly sacrificing people we can save by making different choices. It’s why we’re better when we stand together rather than on our own.”

“To call each other out about our stupid ideas, I know.” Poe tosses a fond yet exasperated smile in Finn’s direction. “As you’ve so kindly reminded me every day of our life together.”

Finn just grins back. “Hey, you’re the one who offered.”

“That I did, that I did. In any event, when I learned that Vice Admiral Holdo was refueling the transports, I confronted her with what Finn and Rose were trying to accomplish. She determined that I’d just put the Resistance at even more risk and for everyone to start evacuation measures.” He chuckles ruefully. “I staged an unsuccessful mutiny and got myself knocked out for my troubles. General Organa, you actually did the honors for that. I woke up in an already departing transport and learned that Vice Admiral Holdo had stayed behind to man the _Raddus_ on her own. She ended up ramming the _Raddus_ into the Star Destroyer at lightspeed, sacrificing herself as it was firing on the unprotected transports heading to Crait.”

“It was a good thing she’d had that plan as an option, because the hacker Rose and I found on Canto Bight betrayed us to the First Order,” Finn snarls. “We couldn’t find the one Maz has suggested, but he’d seemed good enough. He got us onto the Star Destroyer without being detected at any rate. But we ended up having to steal a ship to get down to Crait ourselves.”

“When we arrived on Crait, we came to this base,” Poe says, his voice quiet yet heartbroken at remembering these particular events. “We sent out a distress signal that no one ended up answering. The First Order had brought a Superlaser siege cannon to bring down our front door. I was sure that that was going to be our end. Then Luke Skywalker suddenly shows up.”

Rey can see the confusion on Luke’s face, as he still doesn’t really know where exactly Crait is and therefore shouldn’t have been able to find it, before understanding blooms into life. “Force projection,” he whispers, mostly to himself, but it carries across the room all the same.

“Yes,” Rey murmurs in agreement. “You used up all of your energy and sent a Force projection to stall the First Order while I took all the survivors onto the _Falcon_. We fled Crait, and as I said previously, eventually settled on Ajan Kloss. We were there for nearly a year when events finally led to the end of the war.”

“Why exactly do none of you look particularly enthused by that fact?” Han interjects.

Rey makes herself meet each person opposite of them’s gazes. “Because the end of the war started with Palpatine’s return.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets her turn at having a breakdown next chapter, seeing as that's when Exegol will be getting discussed. Hopefully that chapter won't fight me quite as much as this one did...


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here all!
> 
> Have a huge chapter for your reading pleasure!
> 
> Enjoy!

There’s a beat of heavy silence.

“You’re serious?” Leia all but whispers. The look of horror on her face is one Rey’s all too familiar with. Everyone had been wearing that same face that fateful day years ago. Han and Luke are much the same, having lived through Palpatine’s reign so they understand the terror at the mere idea of him actually still being alive. Karé has more of a slowly dawning horror as she realizes just who exactly they’re talking about.

“ _Very_ ,” Poe confirms grimly. “As was pointed out to us, the Sith have cloning available to them and secrets that we wouldn’t even begin to imagine delving into. Just because it isn’t something we’d ever bother attempting doesn’t mean they wouldn’t.”

“He _made_ Snoke, after all,” Ben mutters with a sneer. Rey feels her own lips curling back to bare her teeth in a wordless snarl. “Told me himself the first time I confronted him. Also informed me that _he_ was behind every kriffing voice I’ve ever heard in my head.”

“Explains why I couldn’t get you to hear me,” Anakin grumbles from where he’s still standing off to the side. “My former Master always was a possessive and slimy individual. Doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that he made it so that _his_ was the only voice you could hear.”

Obi-Wan sighs from the other side of the room. “Must you still call him that, Padawan?”

Anakin just growls right back, his Force presence rumbling like a waking volcano. “I kind of had it _beaten_ into me for twenty plus years, _Master_ , so excuse me for having a bit of a hard time shaking said habit!”

“Skyguy, cool it!” Ahsoka Tano snaps, appearing between the two glowering Jedi ghosts. She fixes Anakin with an unimpressed look and doesn’t let up until he somewhat calms back down. Then she turns and does the same to Obi-Wan. “Kenobi, you know just as well as me how brutal Sideous was. Don’t harp on my Master about him. He beats himself up over that enough on his own.”

Obi-Wan awkwardly shifts his weight. “Yes, of course. My apologies, Anakin.” His former padawan just grunts, temper still simmering for all that it’s no longer liable to explode at the next provocation.

“You _confronted_ him?” Luke interjects, voice heavy with alarm. “You confronted Palpatine? You actually _saw_ him?”

Ben clears his throat. “A year after I killed Snoke and took control of the First Order, a message went out to the entire galaxy. It was from Palpatine, basically proclaiming his return, that the work of generations was completed, and that the day of victory was at hand. I panicked, very correctly guessing that his return was a threat to my rule, so I went to Mustafar to find the Sith wayfinder that Grandfather had stored there.”

“Wait, Father, _you_ had a Sith wayfinder?” Luke sputters almost indignantly, and Rey’s reminded of the myriad of notes that Luke had taken while trying to find Palpatine’s before anyone else could get their hands on it. No where in his notes had he mentioned the possibility that it was his father who had had possession of the second. Rey isn’t really surprised, given that Palpatine isn’t one who would ever share anything he doesn’t have to.

Anakin inclines his head. “Two were made, and Sidious entrusted me with the second one, insofar as he ever trusted me with anything, because we were the last of the Sith at the time for all that he had various Force sensitive youths at his beck and call during those twenty three years. He decided to keep his close at hand when the second Death Star was built, but I left mine on Mustafar. Protected, of course, Sidious would’ve punished me otherwise, but I had no desire to find Exogol.”

Rey sucks in a sharp breath at the shiver that slides down her spine when the planet’s name is spoken. She tries to shake off the feelings of dread and despair that threaten to drown her. She is not there and Ben is no longer lost to her. She _will not_ let those prior feelings consume her. Despite her best efforts, though, she can still feel her throat tightening as tears start to gather in her eyes.

Leia’s spine straightens. “Rey, you mentioned Exogol back when we were dealing with Starkiller base.”

Her breath stutters in her throat. “I did.”

Regardless of the fact that Ben has her wrapped up in his arms, making Rey feel safer than she’s ever really felt before, Poe still reaches out to lay a hand on her leg. “We’ll get to why she did that eventually,” he murmurs, and Rey’s so grateful for that because he still doesn’t know what happened there and yet he’s still supporting her.

“You were at finding my wayfinder,” Anakin gently points out.

“Right.” Rey feels Ben’s chest rise and fall as he just breathes for a moment and centers himself. The telling of this story isn’t pleasant for any of them, Ben most of all. She just hopes she doesn’t completely lose it when they get to the end. “Using the wayfinder, I was able to navigate through the energy storms surrounding Exogol. I found Palpatine in the underground part of the citadel, hooked up to numerous tubes and wires to support his failing cloned body. Because he’d taunted me during my arrival, now faced with his obvious decline I asked what he could possibly offer me. He said he could give me everything.” Ben pauses here, dipping his head down to bury his face momentarily in her hair and breathe her in. Fortified, he continues. “A new empire with me at the head as Emperor, manned by _Xyston_ -class Star Destroyers and under the banner of the Final Order. All this would be mine to command, I just had to kill Rey and end the Jedi, to do what Grandfather had failed.”

“He specifically mentioned Rey?” Leia asks sharply, eyes darting between the two of them with a shrewdness that terrifies Rey for all that she’s also impressed. Very little gets by General Organa, good and bad.

Ben inclines his head, chin brushing the top of Rey’s head as he does. “He did. I asked why and he said that she wasn’t who she seemed to be. I asked who she was and he told me.”

“Wait a minute, _you_ know where Rey’s from?” Finn demands, leaning around Poe to level a glare at Ben. “Did you ever tell her?”

“He did,” Rey says hoarsely. “On his ship above Kijimi, he told me.”

Finn blinks, the indignant fire in them dimming only to be replaced by confusion. “But that’s when you told us that Palpatine had ordered your parents killed. You didn’t mention anything about who they were.”

“Because I couldn’t face the truth then,” she chokes. “Finn, it took me _years_ until I was willing to acknowledge it, but I’ve never had to tell anyone before.”

Finn rears back at the slightly unhinged tone in her voice, while Poe just looks sadly understanding. “That bad?” the pilot asks even though he already seems to know the answer.

“ _Palpatine_ was the one to tell,” she spits out through clenched teeth, “and he used it to try and drive a wedge between Ben and I even though we were already at odds with each other. What do you _think_?”

The clearing of Obi-Wan’s throat has all their heads whipping around to stare at him, even Anakin and Ahsoka. A silent, intense conversation passes between former Master and Padawan before Anakin solemnly inclines his head to Obi-Wan. Rey watches in befuddlement as the Jedi Master approaches and kneels down in front of her and Ben. “We— _I_ did not tell you this before, as it was only just discovered as you were starting to fade,” Obi-Wan murmurs, “and we all thought that it would be better to wait until you joined us in the Force as it was becoming clear that would be rather quickly.”

“Tell me what?” Rey croaks, apprehensive even though all of the Force ghosts have been nothing but kind to her in her years of wandering. The lessons they taught might not’ve been the most enjoyable, but at least they taught her despite her Dark heritage.

“You know your father’s bloodline, but you never thought to discover your mother’s, so I went looking. It’s why I was not around quite as much as the others. However, your parents were smart in death just as they were in life. They knew there was the possibility that they could be used against you even in death, so they hid themselves away. When I finally did find them, and managed to convince them of the truth of the situation, I found not just your mother but also unexpectedly my _daughter_. I won’t go into all the details concerning her right now, but suffice to say I had no knowledge of her while either of us were alive.”

Rey feels Ben’s sharp intake of breath, but she doesn’t quite follow where Obi-Wan is going with this. Her emotions are too jumbled up to figure out what he’s implying. “You had a daughter?”

“I did, but that isn’t the truly important thing I learned.” Obi-Wan reaches out to rest a glowing hand on Rey’s knee as he gives her a fond smile. “My daughter, Yries, ended up having an amazingly talented little girl that she had to leave behind on Jakku because her husband’s father was hunting them and they ended up being unable to return to get her because they gave their lives to keep her safe.”

Rey makes a strangled noise in the back of her throat. That can’t be true. She’s not this lucky. Anything given to her is eventually taken away or torn down. She’s finally made peace with the fact that her family history is Dark and nothing more. Now, to learn that there is Light as well? And not just any Light. The Light of Obi-Wan Kenobi, one of the remaining few who’d stood against Palpatine? She’s teetering on a dangerous edge.

Obi-Wan continues, even though he’s most likely well aware of the raging storm he’s stirred up inside of her. “So while I know that you will eventually take on the Skywalker name again if young Ben has anything to say about it, I want you to know that you are free and welcome to call yourself Rey Kenobi in the meantime with my full blessing.”

Rey shatters.

She sobs out her fear of having to go back to just being a scavenger girl from Jakku whose past is riddled in mystery and the terror of having to hide her heritage from people she’s desperate to be accepted by. Only as it all washes away does she realize just how heavily it’s been weighing on her mind because suddenly everything is _light_. A feeling she definitely isn’t used to. She’s used to the weight of things pressing down on her. She can’t ever recall a time in her life where she’s felt like this before, even after the war. Probably because the truth of her heritage was still something she’d been wrestling with.

And through this all, Ben holds her firmly in his arms. He says no words, just rocks her back and forth in a soothing motion while keeping up a steady stream of love and acceptance and comfort through their bond.

It’s this that truly helps her pull herself back together so quickly. As much as the support from all the Force Ghosts had helped last time, to have Ben in her mind with his unconditional acceptance and love is far more powerful. When her tears are spent, she presses her face into his throat in wordless thanks. His hum in return rumbles reassuringly through her. Scrubbing at her still wet cheeks, Rey turns her attention back to the room at large.

Obi-Wan is still kneeling in front of her, though Finn and Poe are standing behind him with worried faces. She reaches out and he meets her halfway, power singing between them as their hands touch if only briefly. “ _Thank you_.”

He squeezes her hand once before letting go. “My dear girl, for all that you have done for my brother’s family, I would’ve offered my name to you even if we didn’t share blood.” He stands and steps aside, leaving room for Finn and Poe to scramble forward.

Finn immediately takes her hand in his, and Rey can feel the bond that’s been slumbering in the back of her mind start to wake up. Of course, even without it, she’d still be able to feel his panic because he’s practically shouting it via the Force. “Rey?”

Swallowing around the lump in her throat, Rey makes herself look at both Finn and Poe, the two people whose opinions matter most to her right now, and whispers, “I’m a Palpatine.”

Both men blink rapidly as they process this information, before Poe flatly says, “A what?”

Ben answers for her, a hand running soothing circles up and down her spine. “Besides Kenobi, her other grandfather is Palpatine. He hunted her as a child, probably to try and mold her into a Sith under his guidance and then later pit the two of us against each other.” He sighs as both men’s faces twist unpleasantly. “I wonder what he would’ve done if he’d succeeded and discovered our bond that way.”

Rey trembles at the mere idea. It’d been horrifying enough on Exogol to feel the power of their bond draining away to restore Palpatine’s failing body. And then not having the strength to protect Ben from being thrown away like trash had been even harder.

Finn’s nose wrinkles even in the midst of his obvious anger. “The dyad thing you mentioned back on Jakku?”

“You’re a _dyad_?” Luke yelps, forcibly reminding Rey of the other people in the room. That they’re supposed to be telling a story, which they’ve strayed from numerous times now.

“They are,” Anakin interjects, “and it’s what ended Snoke and Palpatine last time.”

“There hasn’t been a dyad bond in generations,” Luke breathes almost reverently.

Anakin snorts. “Not for lack of trying. Sidious failed horrendously when he tried to _make_ one with me, and I think his Master tried similarly with him. Seemed that way from the amount of cursing said failure produced at any rate.”

“Luke,” Leia barks before anyone else can speak further, “explain to me what exactly this dyad bond is and why it’s so important.”

“I don’t—” her brother sputters, suddenly at a loss for words. “I never—”

His father takes pity on him. “A Force dyad is a bond between two Force sensitive beings. It makes it so that, should you look at them via only the Force, you would see one person not two. The connection spans space and time, and as Sidious discovered, strong enough to restore a failing body to its former glory if harvested.”

“Does it hurt you?” Poe immediately wants to know.

Rey shakes her head. “No it’s _wonderful_.” She never would’ve said that when they’d first discovered the bond, given that they’d been on opposite sides of the war, and then it’d been ripped away from her after so little time when she and Ben were united in purpose, but now she can treasure and cherish it in its entirety. Ben’s embarrassment at this pronouncement trickles through and when she twists to look at him, his cheeks are pink.

“I honestly have no idea who you got your proneness to blushing from,” Anakin murmurs. “Neither Padme or I were prone to it, and unfortunately I don’t remember enough of my mother to make an educated guess there.”

“Do we _really_ have to talk about that now?” Ben grumbles, and Rey gets the feeling that he’d gladly sink into the ground to disappear if given the ability.

Anakin grins. “Your father was correct that you didn’t do this much last time. It’s vastly amusing seeing it everytime Rey compliments you.”

“That’s because I can _feel_ how much she means them,” Ben bites out, cheeks now bright red, and Rey can feel her own cheeks warming to match because it’s true. Everything is open between the two of them, so they both feel the sincerity and truth and weight of every single word said to each other. In the few days it’s been since everything upended, Rey hasn’t once considered shielding herself from Ben, too giddy at having him back.

“Wait, wait, wait, you had this during the war?” Finn demands. “This connection between the two of you?”

“I couldn’t use it to really spy on her, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Ben throws back wearily, and Rey bristles when she realizes what Finn’s implying, even though they’d been on opposite sides and that would’ve been helpful on occasion to the both of them. “We were both denying it in some way, so it only connected us sporadically over that year. And even when it did, I only ever saw her in my surroundings, never where she actually was.”

“Is that why you were in such a rush to leave on Pasaana?” Poe asks, “because I’ve always wondered about that.”

“It is,” Rey says. “One of the locals had given me a festival necklace and Ben took it a few minutes later when our bond opened up. I knew he would use it to figure out where we were, so we had to leave quickly.”

“He _took_ it?” Finn repeats indignantly. “How?”

“We can pass small, physical things between us via the bond,” Ben explains softly. “I took the necklace on Pasaana and she gave me Grandfather’s lightsaber on Exogol.”

“It was very dramatic,” Anakin comments blandly. “Sidious was _furious_ at having his plan thwarted, but you both already knew that.”

Rey shivers, because Palpatine’s anger and it’s destruction has haunted her nights for the past fifty years.

“He’s the one who shot all that lightning that fried our ships on Exogol, isn’t he?” Poe states, and although it’s phrased like a question, it’s obvious he already knows the answer.

Rey swallows the sob that’s building in her throat. “He did. He wanted me to kill him so that I could become a Sith like him or to be a host for him, I don’t really know, but Ben came for me so I refused, and like Master Skywalker said it _infuriated_ him, so he took the power of our dyad bond to revive himself and then he threw Ben away and I couldn’t _do anything_ and—”

“Easy there,” Anakin murmurs at the same time that Poe yelps and says, “Whoa!” while scrambling to grab hold of her like she’s about to fly away. She sort of feels like she might. Ben’s the one anchoring her, keeping her from flying into pieces, and now she has to talk about the fact that he _died_. She’s going to have to relive the horror and the heartache of losing her other half.

Hands cradle her face and then she’s looking up at Ben’s determined expression. “Breathe with me, cyar-ika,” he instructs, and she can’t do anything but obey. So they breathe in sync and the world falls away around them as Rey centers herself on Ben’s heartbeat until her own beats at the same steady tempo as his. It helps, but the bitter tang of fear still haunts her thoughts because it’s _Ben_ and she can’t lose him. Not again.

“Rey,” Anakin says softly but firmly, drawing her attention when she’s somewhat calmed down. “Believe me when I say that I understand the panic and terror and pain you feel every time you relive that moment. However, before you can face Sidious again, you have to master those emotions because he _will_ use them against you like he did with me.”

“I don’t know _how_ ,” she sobs even though she knows that Anakin is right. “I’ve only ever lost things, and it _hurts_.”

“I know, and while I don’t know exactly how to best help you conquer your fear, you have so much more support than I did. He forced me to watch as Padme, my angel, died in childbirth night after night until it was driving me mad with desperation, and then he was the only one I felt I could turn to because Padme just dismissed my worries and Obi-Wan, as far as I was aware, knew nothing about my secret marriage let alone my unborn children.”

“You were both horrid at hiding it,” Obi-Wan interjects blandly, “but that is most certainly a story for another time.”

Anakin rolls his eyes. “Yes, thank you Master, I’m well aware of that _now_.”

“Skyguy, I would’ve—” Ahsoka starts.

“Snips, not now,” Anakin stops her. “Just know that I haven’t blamed you about anything that happened after you left for years. Unfortunately, there’s still a story to finish that we’ve deviated from drastically.”

“I can’t—” Rey chokes on the rest of her sentence, because she’s been doing most of the telling, and she’s not sure she can continue. She’ll have to, eventually, when they get to her part on Exogol, but knowing it’s coming makes the before even harder to say.

“ _Rey_ ,” Poes says, voice tinged with exasperation. A hand on her knee has her peering through tear filled eyes at him. “I made Finn a General as well because I didn’t want to lead the Rebellion alone. I _couldn’t_ do it alone. We stood by you back then, and we’re still standing by you now. You said it yourself to Ben earlier. _You’re not alone_. So quit acting like you are. We’re here to help carry your burdens, big and small. If that means telling the story so you don’t have to, then we _will_.”

“What he said,” Finn adds, voice rough with worry and regret.

Instinctively, she already knew this.

Unfortunately it’s a battle against _years_ of ingrained instincts to ask for help from someone other than Ben, and that’s only because he’s settled inside of her so securely that asking him seems like asking herself, which is just odd. However, now that she’s no longer running, she _has_ people she trusts nearby. People who won’t judge her for her failings. Still, even the asking is hard for all that Poe just _offered_ to do what she can’t.

“Please,” Ben requests in her stead, and Rey presses herself more firmly against him in wordless thanks.

Poe nods briskly. “Right, so, where the kriffing hell were we?”

“For you, Sidious’ first message to the galaxy,” Anakin informs him.

“Right, right.” Poe clears his throat. “So, we verify the authenticity of Palpatine’s message, discover that he’s really back and that he’s going to be leading a new armada, the Final Order, from Exogol, which none of us had heard of before. Rey pulls General Organa aside to inform her that while reading the books she’d taken from Ahch-To she’d come across Skywalker’s notes concerning the Sith planet and how to get there. Given that we didn’t know about this wayfinder on Mustafar anymore than Luke did, we headed to Pasaana where Skywalker and General Calrissian had been searching for the bounty hunter Ochi.” Here Poe fixes a deadpan look on Luke. “The reason you didn’t find Ochi anywhere near his ship is because he’s dead.”

Luke blinks, befuddled as if the thought hadn’t even occurred to him. “Dead?”

“Yeah, _dead_. You and General Calrissian ended up being stupidly lucky not getting sucked down into the sinking sands around his ship like we did. We found his bones down in the tunnels, along with the dagger you’d been looking for, and then managed to get out when Rey used some Force healing mumbo-jumbo on the vexis snake we found down there as well and it opened up a path for us back to the surface. We couldn’t go back for the _Falcon_ , not with Stormtroopers specifically looking for us, because we were on a bit of a tight schedule.”

“I arrived planetside right around then,” Ben murmurs. “I wanted to test Rey, to see if Palpatine was telling the truth about her, so I had Chewie captured but brought two ships down. We fought to bring the decoy down, and then Rey destroyed it with Force lightning. Blew it up right out of the sky.” Rey shivers at the reminder, and Ben sends a wave of apology through their bond. It’s nice, but she already knows how sorry he is about everything from before.

“That was cruel, by the way,” Finn mutters.

“I’m _aware_ ,” Ben spits back, bristling like Rey had earlier. “I still wanted Rey to Fall to the Dark side at that point, remember?”

“Finn, back off,” Poe instructs sharply. “Whatever it is that’s bugging you about Ben, work it out _later_. We’re almost at the end of this kriffing story, and I’d like to finish it _today_.” Finn flinches minutely and crosses his arms over his chest, glaring mulishly at the floor. When he doesn’t say anything further, Poe decides that that’s good enough for now. “So, given that Rey felt that Chewie was alive later, I’m going to assume that the grief at supposedly killing him kept her from realizing the trick on Pasaana. Regardless, Chewie was the one who had had the dagger, so that was annoying and a major stumbling block, given that I think we only have less than half a day left to find Exogol before the Final Order launched. When C-3PO informed us that he had the translation of the runes on the dagger stored in his memory banks but couldn’t tell us what it said since it was in ancient Sith and his kriffing programing wouldn’t allow him to talk, we decided to go to Kijimi because I know a black market droidsmith who could do a complete memory bypass to get it. We were followed, obviously, but that’s when Rey discovered that Chewie was still alive, so we staged a rescue. A very poorly executed rescue, but a rescue nonetheless.”

“I got to shoot Hux, I was happy,” Finn mumbles, a grim smile on his lips.

Ben’s surprise shoots through Rey, startling in its intensity. “ _You’re_ the one who killed him?”

Finn immediately protests. “What? No! I shot him in the leg!”

“I guess it was General Pryde who did it, then,” Ben muses.

“Wait, Hux was _killed_?” Poe demands.

Ben scoffs. “He was a spy, _of course_ he was killed. The First Order doesn’t keep traitors alive unless they’re useful, and by then Hux wasn’t.”

Poe rolls his eyes, but doesn’t comment further on that particular subject. “ _Anyway_ , with having rescued Chewie, retrieving the dagger, and also getting the _Falcon_ back because the First Order wasn’t stupid and didn’t leave it on Pasaana, we headed to Kef Bir where the wreckage of the second Death Star is. Incidentally, there’s probably a group of former Stormtroopers already settled on the ocean moon who might be willing to join the Rebellion if we swing it the right way.”

“I’m not forcing Jannah and company to do anything they don’t want to,” Finn interjects.

Poe sighs heavily. “Buddy, I’m not about to make them do anything either. I’ve seen you in action, I’ve _trained_ with you. I have no desire whatsoever to piss off anyone with Stormtrooper training, regardless of whether or not they still answer to the First Order. I just think we should offer the opportunity to join if they so wish.”

“Good.” Finn nods decisively, settling back down.

Poe gives his husband a long look before continuing. “So, we had a bit of a rough landing on Kef Bir, meaning we had to scramble to get the _Falcon_ back up and running in time because we were starting to cut it really close and the only other way out to the Death Star at the time was via the water, which had kriffing huge waves that would be insane to try and sail on.”

“I went ahead anyways,” Rey interjects, voice hoarse. “The dagger showed where in the ruins the wayfinder was, so I took one of the skimmers and went by myself while Poe and Finn were repairing the _Falcon_. I climbed up the inside of the Death Star to the throne room. I found the wayfinder, but a vision of myself as a Sith startled me and suddenly Ben was there.”

“I took the Emperor’s wayfinder and crushed it,” Ben continues in a quiet tone. “I wanted to be the only way she could get to Exogol.”

“We fought,” Rey whispers. “I was fighting to deny who I am, and Ben wanted for me to just accept it and join him. He wanted to kill Palpatine and rule together. I didn’t want that anymore than I wanted to be Palpatine’s granddaughter. And then, in the midst of our duel, Leia reached out one last time.” She has to pause, the sudden loss of her mentor nearly just as painful as the loss of her partner. Ben is trembling, and she’d love nothing more than to be able to comfort him because this is his _mother_ who died, but if she truly stops she won’t be able to start again. “I didn’t understand it right at first, the disturbance, so I grabbed Kylo Ren’s fallen lightsaber and stabbed him through the chest. Only afterwards did I realize what had happened.”

“Thus killing Kylo Ren,” Ben murmurs. “She left me there after healing me, drenched to the bone and confused beyond belief.”

“You ran away, didn’t you?” Finn softly asks her. “I didn’t want to think about it, because you gave us what we needed in the end, but you ran away.”

“I did,” she chokes out. “I wanted to do what Master Luke had done, so I stole Ben’s TIE whisper and tried to strand myself on Ahch-To. But when I tried to throw Master Anakin’s lightsaber into the burning wreckage, Master Luke appeared and scolded me.” She turns her head just enough to be able to look Luke Skywalker in the eyes because she wants him to hear and know the truth his other self discovered. “You told me that you were wrong to hide away. That confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi, and that I had to face Palpatine like you’d faced your father. You also told me that Leia trained me despite already knowing that I’m a Palpatine by blood because she knew my heart.” Her fingers curl around the fabric right over her heart at the reminder that at least one Leia never judged her. “You gave me Leia’s old saber, and told me to bring both it and Anakin’s to Exogol with me.”

“So that’s how you knew where to find it,” Luke muses. “I take it you completed her Jedi journey?”

Rey bows her head and squeezes her eyes shut. “I did. He died for _me_. And then I lived for fifty years with a broken dyad bond.”

Ben sighs and Rey knows what he’s going to say even before he says it. “I stand by what I said on Jakku. The galaxy needed you far more than it needed me.”

“And _I_ needed _you_ ,” she bites through clenched teeth. She has a feeling that this might be an ongoing argument for the rest of their lives. And while she’d rather have him admit that she’s right, just being able to have an argument with him is enough for now. “You were the only one left who would’ve had any hope of understanding having Sith heritage. And it kriffing _hurt_ , Ben. I could’ve lived for years longer than I did, but by the end it hurt too much to reach for the Force to bolster myself.”

“She faded quickly,” Anakin says. “We stayed with her as much as we could, but what she really needed was _you_ , Ben, and you were sleeping inside the tattered remains of the bond.”

“I felt you die too,” Ben throws back indignantly, even as he wraps her up tighter. “While I was climbing up out of the hole Palpatine had thrown me down, I felt the entirety of the Force be channeled through you and then I felt your life force wink out.”

“Wait, wait, wait, _you_ died?” Poe demands. “You flew Skywalker’s X-Wing off the Exogol!”

“Because I saved her,” Ben states. “Had she been anyone else, there would’ve been nothing I could do. However, because we’re a dyad, I could give her all that I was and all that I could be to bring her back.”

“How did you even die in the first place?” her friend wants to know.

“I turned Palpatine’s Sith lightning back on him when he tried to kill me,” she says softly. “It ate through him and then the citadel broke when he finally fell.”

“Her body wasn’t prepared for the strain of the power needed to accomplish that,” Anakin explains. “We all tried bolstering her as much as we could, but growing up on a desert planet isn’t kind. One single year of better eating and care definitely couldn’t fix over ten years of hard desert living.”

“Wait a minute, how did _you_ get to Exogol?” Finn interrupts, pointing a finger at Ben. “Cause Rey said that she took your ship from Kef Bir and we sure as hell didn’t have you on the _Falcon_ when we left.”

“I salvaged a TIE scout from the Death Star after getting rid of my Sith lightsaber.”

Finn blinks rapidly. “You went to Exogol without a weapon?”

Rey feels Ben’s shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. “I had a blaster, for all the good that it did me. Like I said earlier, Rey ended up having to give me Grandfather’s lightsaber.”

“I think,” Leia suddenly interjects, making all heads whip around to stare at her, “that we’ve heard enough for today. You’ve told us of the dangers still out there and that they can be beaten. Anything else can wait, as it’s gotten late and I doubt any of you are in any condition to really continue in depth.” A fond yet weary smile spreads across her lips. “We’ll probably go certain things more closely at a later time, but for now rest and recover.” She stands and crosses the room to press a tender kiss to Ben’s forehead. “Rooms are ready for you on the _Raddus_ if you want, but I’ll understand if you feel better staying on the _Falcon_.” She straightens back up. “Captain Kun, you’re dismissed.”

A very shaken Karé gets to her feet. “Ma’am. Commander.”

“See you tomorrow,” Poe offers. The woman’s expression shutters shut, but she dips her head in acknowledgement before she leaves. “Well that’s going to be lovely to deal with,” he says blandly.

“Tomorrow,” Finn mutters, scrubbing a hand over his face. “We’ll deal with it tomorrow.”

“Obviously,” Poe drawls, heaving himself up. He sways, steadying himself momentarily by placing a hand on Finn’s shoulder. “Well, I for one am definitely planning on taking the General’s advice. Feel like I could sleep for a _week_.” Rey offers a weak smile, feeling very much the same. “You staying on the _Falcon_?”

“I don’t think I should be near most people tonight,” she whispers. Having really dredged up Exogol for the first time in years, she knows there’s going to be nightmares tonight. This’ll just be the first time Ben’s with her, and while it might help, she doesn’t want to take any chances.

“Then we’ll see you in the morning,” he returns, hauling Finn up next to him before herding his grumbling husband out of the room. “Come on, grumpy pants, let’s see if you can sleep off this mood of yours.”

“I’m not in a mood, Dameron.”

“Sure you aren’t, sure you aren’t.”

Leia watches them go with a bemused expression, then turns to her husband and brother. “Han, Luke, with me. Chewie, you’re more than welcome to join us if you want.”

//You good for tonight, cubs?// the Wookie asks.

Rey swallows around the lump rising in her throat. “We’re good.”

//Then I’ll join you.//

“Kids.” Leia waits until she has Rey and Ben’s full attention before continuing. “The _Falcon_ is yours for tonight, but if you end up needing anything, even if it’s just someone to vent to, know that my door is open to you whenever.”

Ben’s breath hitches in his chest at the offer. “Thanks Mom.”

“I’ll see you both in the morning.” She fixes an expectant stare on the two men, who obediently get to their feet.

“What your mom said, kid, same goes for me,” Han says gruffly. “You need me, just say the word and I’ll be there.” He reaches out a hand to muse Ben’s hair. “See ya in the morning, son.”

Ben ducks his head down once Han’s done, breath tickling Rey’s throat, but she can feel his delight through the bond at the gesture despite his embarrassment. “Night Dad.”

Luke clears his throat, shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot. He focuses mainly on Ben when he speaks. “I realize that I’ve severely broken your trust in me, but if there is anything I’m ever able to help with, know that I won’t refuse you. And should there ever come a time where you feel comfortable telling me how I failed you as a teacher, I will listen.” Now he turns his gaze to Rey. “Thank you for seeing what I failed to see.”

Rey inclines her head to him, too tired and worn out now that the telling is done to say much more than she already has.

A jerk of Leia’s head has the four standing heading for the door. Once they’re gone, it’s just Ben and Rey and the Force ghosts who are still lingering. After a few moments of just breathing, Anakin snorts under his breath before drawling blandly, “Well wasn’t _that_ fun?”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies people! I got sucked down the rabbit hole that is Fire Emblem: Three Houses. New fandoms can consume me as I deep dive into all the fanfictions already written and I haven't found a new fandom to go spelunking through in a while...
> 
> But anyways, here's the next chapter!
> 
> Enjoy!

Leia is very thankful that no one tries to stop her as she leads the three males trailing after her back to her quarters on the _Raddus_. Her mind is whirling with what she’s just learned, and she’s not entirely sure she can be polite at the moment.

It’d been painful to just listen, especially during the second half of the phantasmic story they’d just been told, but she’d been able to feel just how brittle her son and Rey were. How close they had been to fully shattering at any given point. They’d each had a breakdown during the telling, both for very good reason for all that it’d hurt to watch it occur. They’d been cleansing breakdowns, a release of pent up emotions that’d obviously been threatening to overflow for a _very_ long time. That hadn’t stopped her heart from being torn at seeing her son, her Ben, so jagged. She’d been soothed, somewhat, by Rey’s immediate defense and care for him. She just wishes that she’d been able to do something as well. It’s a price she’s continuing to pay for giving her little boy up all those years ago.

The moment they’re behind a closed door, Leia finally lets her expression fall when she drops into a chair. There are times where being the General of the Rebellion feels too demanding, and this is one of those instances. A ragged sigh drags its way out of her. She feels more weary than when she’d learned who her birth parents were.

Luke collapses onto the couch opposite of her, the picture of a defeated man. Later, she will inform him of just how unimpressed she is by what he did concerning her son and what he apparently did concerning Rey. However, right now that’s not what any of them need. No, right now they just need to come to terms with what they’ve been told.

“I gotta say, that really wasn’t what I was expecting to hear,” Han mutters sarcastically as he and Chewie take the other couch. “Don’t know what I _did_ expect, but it wasn’t that.”

A bitter bark of laughter escapes Leia before she’s able to stop it. “If _any_ of us had considered that that was what we were going to be hearing, I’d be asking why you hadn’t spoken up before now.”

“This isn’t supposed to be _possible_ ,” Luke moans, scrubbing at his face. “Nothing I studied even hinted at the possibility. And while Ben and Rey have the ability to use the Force, Dameron and Finn _don’t_.”

“Actually, the boy Finn does,” Obi-Wan calmly interjects, shimmering into view right behind Luke and making her brother whip around to stare wide-eyed at his former Master. “He only just came into said abilities on Exogol when he felt Rey die as their tentative bond abruptly broke. The pain of it subsequently made him suppress everything back down, but Rey and Ben fully intend to speak with him about it soon.”

“Master, it still doesn’t make any sense!”

“I suspect that it won’t for a good long while, given that none of us have any idea as to what’s going on either,” the Jedi Master states primly.

One of Luke’s eyebrows twitches, and Leia’s almost certain that he wants to groan theatrically like he had often done in their youth. She wonders why he doesn’t, they’re behind closed doors now for a reason. Then she goes absolutely rigid in her seat when Anakin Skywalker appears mere moments later. She’d kept her peace during the meeting, because for some reason his presence had seemed to calm both Ben and Rey, but that doesn’t mean she’s anywhere near ready for him in _her_ life.

“Well, the kids are asleep, _finally_ ,” he gripes, stomping around the room in aggravation. “We all took turns singing that Alderaanian lullaby Ben likes so much to keep them calm. I swear, if I still had an actual throat, it’d be raw.”

“And yet you are still talking,” Obi-Wan drawls, while Han pipes up, “Wait a minute, _you_ know Alderaanian lullabies?”

The look Anakin pins on Han makes it very clear that he’s questioning the man’s intelligence. “Of course I know Alderaanian lullabies, your wife sang them to Rey for _fifty years_. I might not be the most proficient singer, but even I can pick up a tune after that long.”

Obi-Wan sighs as if the world is conspiring against him and he is the sole voice of reason left. It sounds very practiced to Leia’s ears. “Padawan, they don’t know about the fifty years. The princess wisely stopped the children when it became clear they were in no condition to coherently convey just what exactly happened on Exogol. That means the later years were not discussed.”

This makes the man abruptly stop his pacing. “Kriffing hell.”

“What’s so special about these fifty years?” Han demands, “And what does that have to do with you learning Adleraanian lullabies?”

Anakin shrugs. “Nothing special, per say, but after Exogol, Rey wandered around the far reaches of the galaxy for the rest of her life. We never questioned her on why she was always moving, but we visited her often. We helped settle her nightmares whenever we could, which were frequent those first ten years, and quickly discovered that Alderaanian lullabies soothed her best.” He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, a pensive expression settling on his face. “We often wondered if they were so effective because Ben was sleeping inside their broken bond, but we never brought that up with her for obvious reasons. In any case, once we discovered the lullabies, those of us who could sing worked with Leia until we could at least muddle through so she wasn’t constantly needed.”

“And I just taught you one of the few things that remain to me of my mother?” Leia asks sharply. “One of the few things that _you_ haven’t tainted?”

“Leia!” Luke hisses, but Anakin waves him off.

“No, you did not simply just teach me the lullabies. You took me to task for quite a long time before consenting to my learning them.” He sighs heavily. “Much as you hated acknowledging it at first, you didn’t get the vast majority of your stubborn streak from Bail or Breha. Regardless, there wasn’t much I could do for you then, seeing as we were both already dead.”

Leia doesn’t quite know what to do about the fact that he doesn’t appear upset with her. Instead there’s a sad sort of understanding in his eyes that grates at her nerves, because he _shouldn’t_ be able to understand. Not this man who did monstrous things for monstrous people. And then, further confounding her, the titan and demon of her childhood nightmares _kneels_. He lowers himself to his knees so that when he looks at her again, he’s looking up.

“I say these words in Basic only so you understand them, as they have truer meaning in my birth tongue,” he murmurs. “Leia Amidala Skywalker, daughter of my body and my soul, I have grieved thee. I have grieved thee in ways I can never hope to repay. Were it possible, I would offer all of myself to you as penance, but I cannot.”

“Father!”

“Lukka Ahnakeen Ekkreth!” Anakin barks and her brother abruptly shuts his mouth, wide-eyed and pale. Han’s sharp intake of breath is worrying, but Leia continues to stare at the man who’s gathering himself back up. “I cannot give you penance as you deserve,” he repeats, voice a lilting rumble that from anyone else would be comforting. “However, I offer myself to you as I can. My voice be your voice. My will be your will.”

“Father,” Luke whispers, “why would you—?”

“Because your sister is _owed_ this, Lukka,” Anakin snaps. “You and I settled our grievances on the Death Star before I passed, and while I am thankful for that, the same does not apply to Lei-ah.” Her name, accented in a way she’s never heard before, resonates deeply in the very core of Leia’s being. It is fiercer and stronger than she ever heard from the lips of an Alderaanian, and it scares her how much more it feels like her coming from _him_. “I took from her her home and her people. Tatooine and her people remain for you. Alderaan and her people are scattered across the galaxy because of my actions.”

“Luke, what exactly is he offering?” Leia asks, proud that there’s no disurable trembling in her voice. As much as she might despise the man, she recognizes that whatever it is that he’s offering is significant and so won’t brush it aside. She won’t shame herself like that.

Her brother makes a pained noise in the back of his throat, but he answers her. “Skywalker is a slaveborn name on Tatooine,” he says hoarsely. “I— _we_ were the first freeborn to that name. To a slave, any form of freedom is something you cling to, be it word, deed, name, or anything else, and that’s the culture Father was raised in. Most grievances between slaves were settled easily enough, as there wasn’t much to go around to begin with and rarely did a slave seek to infringe on those few freedoms any of them had. However, in the instances that a truly horrendous act was committed, intentional or not, to truly repent a slave would offer themself to the offended party in every manner. It was on the honor of the grieved party to not truly treat their fellow slave _as_ a slave for them. Sometimes, even just the offering alone was enough for the grievance to be forgiven with how much they valued freedom.” His breath hitches. “Father’s saying that, if he was still alive, _that’s_ what he’d be offering you. He’s saying that he’d give all his freedom to you to do with as you wished. His life would be in your hands.”

Anakin then bows his head to her, and it’s terrifying in a way Leia never imagined possible. “As I cannot offer you that, I again offer what I can. My voice be your voice. My will be your will. I ask of you, Leia Amidala Skywalker, daughter of my body and my soul, do you accept what is freely given to thee?”

She wants to just say yes and be done with it. To have this man beholden unto her, no matter what Luke might say about honor. But then she remembers this man's defense of her son, how he seems to even understand the turmoil Ben is experiencing right now when it’s still a mystery to her. She recalls what Rey had mentioned back on D'Qar, about how apparently he would scream himself hoarse trying to get Ben to hear him. And then she thinks of her parents, of Bail and Breha, and what they would think of this. “I cannot ever recall a time where I was this Leia Amidala Skywalker you’re speaking to,” she states flatly. “My brother might have claimed you as his father, but I have not. I don’t know if I ever will because I don’t know you. I don’t know who you were, who you became, or who you are now. Your culture is not my culture, so I cannot fully appreciate the magnitude of what you offer me. Ask it of me again after you teach me who you were, who you became, and who you are now.”

A smile that she’s seen in the mirror a million times before spreads across Anakin’s lips. “Fair enough. I accept your conditions.” He gets to his feet again and his presence is no longer quite so intimidating. “Don’t think, my son, that you will escape a lecture from me,” he warns, fixing a solemn look on Luke. “The only reason you aren’t getting it now is because I have something else planned for tonight before sending you all off to bed.”

Leia blinks, tosses the phrase around in her mind a few times to make sure she heard him correctly, then indignantly asks, “Excuse me?”

Anakin actually rolls his eyes. “I didn’t mean that literally. I just meant that staying up half the night thinking about what you just learned won’t do you any favors. Sidious has sat out in the Unknown Regions for years now and considering he has to wait until those Star Destroyers are ready to deploy, you’ve got a year to prepare for _that_. Let yourselves rest tonight so you can be better prepared for tomorrow.”

“Somewhere, Kix is crying because _you_ never seemed to listen whenever he said similar to you,” Obi-Wan bemusedly comments.

Anakin snorts. “Oh, like you were any better.”

The Togruta from earlier appears again, and Leia finally recognizes her voice when she speaks. “Skyguy, they’re getting impatient, and also, you were _so_ much worse than Obi-Wan when it came to not listening to Kix.”

“Fulcrum!” Leia exclaims in delight while Anakin pulls a face.

She gets a toothy grin in response. “You can call me Ahsoka, Leia, and I gotta admit, the fact that you’re Skyguy’s and Padme’s daughter explains a lot.”

“I feel like I’ve been insulted somehow,” Anakin deadpans.

“You were,” Ahsoka throws back gleefully. “She’s almost Padme’s spitting image with your temperament. I even remember you telling me after everything happened that _you_ were the one who was certain that your kid was gonna be a girl, so the fact that you failed to see the truth about her when she was right under your nose for _years_ is entertaining.”

Anakin shakes his head. “Probably for the best. Even if I hadn’t been inclined to try and turn either of my children, Sidious would’ve gleefully ripped the knowledge from me and done so anyways, along with pitting them against each other, like he tried doing with Ben and Rey.” Then he turns to scowl at seemingly midair for no apparent reason. “No I’m not stalling! Just give me a minute!”

“Father?”

Leia’s grateful that Luke appears just as confused as she feels, because Han’s confusion won’t be able to tell her anything given he can’t use the Force like they can. She’s also mildly surprised at how quiet Chewie’s been, but then again none of them have directly addressed the Wookie since they all entered her quarters.

Anakin grimaces. “Right, so if you have questions for the three of us, they’re going to have to wait a few days if you want to talk face to face. And fair warning, this isn’t something we can do often.” He sticks his hand off to the side, palm up.

Leia doesn't understand why both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka do the same, Ahsoka moving to stand side by side with Anakin while Obi-Wan stays near Luke. Then, a pressure she previously hadn’t been aware of suddenly _pops_ in her ears. She blinks rapidly when there are abruptly three more people in the room with them, all blue and glowing. Luke makes a wheezing sound like someone punched him in the gut, but she’s too distracted by the sight of two people she thought she’d never see again standing before her to do anything about it. Leia shoots to her feet even as Breha Organa smiles widely at her.

“Mother?”

She reaches out, only to snatch her hand back at the last moment.

“Oh my darling girl, just _look_ at you!”

Leia’s not ashamed to admit that she feels very much like crying. Hearing her mother’s voice, and not have it be via a prerecorded message, brings up all the emotions she’d felt when she’d had Ben only to end up burying them because there hadn’t really been anyone she could talk to. At least, not as a daughter seeking advice from her mother. “I don’t understand, how—?”

“Anakin has never really been one to follow the rules, living or departed,” Bail says a touch dryly.

The former Sith, still holding Breha’s hand, huffs indignantly. “You got a daughter out of my rule breaking, Organa.”

Bail raises an eyebrow, and Leia’s instantly reminded of how _good_ her father had been as a Senator. That look alone cowed more than one opponent. “Anakin, while I will forever be grateful for the gift of Leia in my life, that doesn’t mean there weren’t days I wished it was you and Padme who had gotten the privilege of raising such an amazing daughter.”

“Somehow, I imagine those days were when she displayed Skywalker stubbornness to the extreme,” Anakin returns, voice as dry as Leia remembers Tatoonie being. “In any event, you did right by her and I could ask no more than that.” Then he sighs and raises his voice only slightly. “You can touch them. They’re not going to abruptly vanish on you.”

And so Leia falls forward into her mother’s waiting embrace. An arm wraps around her shoulders and a hand rests on the back of her neck and she’s surrounded by her parents for the first time in thirty four years. A harsh sob tears its way out of her, dredging up all the emotions she’s constantly been shoving down because there’d always been something else that needed her attention, be it her husband, her brother, her son, or most often, the galaxy. Another hand, a _solid_ hand, touches the small of her back, and it’s Han. Her husband, who’s liable to scoff at anything pertaining to the Force on a good day, is now silently supporting her as best he can with nary a derogatory comment to be heard.

That, surprisingly enough, is what makes her able to gather herself back together.

Not because she thinks Han will mock her for this moment of weakness, but because he never got to meet two of the most important people from Leia’s childhood. All he’s ever had are Leia’s stories and the holograms she managed to get ahold of. Now he can actually meet and _talk_ with them, and it’s a gift Leia never imagined experiencing.

When she pulls back and looks at him through tear-filled eyes, she finds his brow is furrowed in that way that means he wants to do something, but is at an utter loss as to what he _should_ do. She saw it a lot those first few months with Ben before he became more confident in his abilities to be a father. When he reaches up to wipe a rough thumb across her cheek, she lets herself lean into the touch like she often had when they were younger. “I’ll be okay,” she tells him.

_That_ gets her an unimpressed eyebrow from him. “If you say so.” He jerks his head towards where her parents still stand. “Gonna introduce us?”

She rolls her eyes at him. As if she hadn’t already been planning that. “Han, my mother Breha and my father Bail. Mother, Father, my husband Han.” She feels it a bit redundant to offer last names as well.

“I have to say, while your husband isn’t anything like the man I envisioned you one day marrying, I’m grateful that he ended up being just what you _needed_ ,” Breha says softly.

Han, surprisingly, makes a pained noise as he gruffly says, “Wasn’t always.”

“Neither was Bail for me, nor I with him. You worked when you were together, and when it started to break, instead of hurting one another you went your separate ways. It takes a tremendous amount of strength to be able to do so, and for that I thank you.”

“Mother,” Leia says softly.

Breha pats her cheek, sending tingles down Leia’s spine. “My darling Leia, Anakin is correct that you inherited the majority of your stubbornness from him, and you’ve witnessed first hand what the stubbornness of a Skywalker can accomplish in yourself, in your brother, in your son, and even in your father. It takes a strong person to agree to spend their life with such stubbornness, to be able to match it with their own, and your Han is one of the few who can. That doesn’t make it any less tiring to do so on occasions.”

“I feel like I should be apologizing,” Anakin abruptly interjects, “because I’m remembering what an absolute heathen of a child I could be, at least when it was just Mom and I, and I’m sure I unfortunately passed that along to Luke and Leia both.”

Bail chuckles. “While there were days that were a trial, they matched the stories of other parents we talked to, so you don’t have to apologize to us.”

“I wish you’d been with me when we were raising Ben,” Leia says, voice catching slightly.

“Me as well, dearest, me as well, but you both did _wonderfully_ ,” Breha assures her. “No parent is ever truly ready, we all just make it up as we go along.”

Before anything else can be said, the sound of Luke’s hitching sob has Leia’s head snapping around to immediately find her brother. He’s on his knees, wrapped around a woman who Leia only heard stories of. Their birth mother, Padme Amidala.

“Let it all out, Luke,” she instructs gently but firmly. “Just let it out.”

“She would’ve been an amazing mother,” Bail softly says.

“There are some days that that’s what I regret the most,” Anakin comments just as quietly. “The fact that she was robbed of that opportunity. I sort of got the chance when I got Snips, but she was more of a little sister than a daughter.”

Ahsoka reaches around both Bail and Breha to poke him on the arm. “The feeling was mutual, Skyguy.”

“Clearly our kid got his dramatics from his _uncle_ ,” Han grumbles.

Leia rolls her eyes but doesn’t comment because she believes it’s true only in the sense that she hopes _she_ never was that dramatic when they were younger. She partially blames Han for the dramatics as well, but that’s not something she’s going to mention right now. She does find herself walking over to them before she even registers moving. She doesn’t let that stop her, instead continuing forward until she can kneel beside her brother and lay a hand on his shoulder. He jerks at her touch, which she’d expected, but she doesn’t pull away. She just stays there in silent support with him as he calms himself. When he has his breathing somewhat back under control, Leia slides her hand up into his hair and kneads. It’s something she often did for Ben after a nightmare and it always seemed to settle him. Luke’s shaky exhale as he slumps against her tells her that it does the same for him.

“I’m sorry, I—”

“Shh,” Leia soothes him. “You don’t need to apologize. There were days that I wondered if we didn’t heep too much pressure on you. We were all so young and had just come through a war victorious.” She sighs. “We made you shoulder the future of the Jedi all on your own and that was unfair. I’ve never blamed you for what happened, and one day I’ll see to it that you feel the same. Until then, just know that I would’ve willingly welcomed you home at any point.”

Luke briefly leans his head against her shoulder. “I was so afraid of failure that I ran rather confront it,” he confesses hoarsely. “Rey was right about that.”

Leia hums in the back of her throat but makes no further comment. Instead she just lets her brother steady himself against her as she’s done time and time before. Then movement out of the corner of her eye has her attention snapping back onto the woman kneeling beside them.

“Let me look at you.” Pamde reaches up a hand to trail her fingers over Leia’s cheek, and she shivers at the phantom touch. “Oh, I named you well,” the woman who she’d idolized all her youth murmurs proudly. “Very well indeed.”

Luke leans in a hair closer. “Mother, did you know—?”

“I knew,” Padme replies, even though Leia doesn’t know what Luke’s hinting at. “I wanted to honor both Ani and mine’s cultures, as there was little else I could give either of you besides that. Together, you were what called my husband and your father back to the Light and back _home_. That your sister’s name also had Aldeerian history was a happy accident.”

Leia has always known that her name means _beloved_ to those of Alderaan, and she’s never doubted that, but she _hadn’t_ been aware that it had any significance in other cultures. She’d just always assumed that Breha and Bail had named her. “You named me?”

Padme smiles at her. “I did. I was pleased when Bail and Breha kept the name I gave you, as a name is one the greatest gifts a parent can give their child in my culture. In old Naboo, you are she who weaves a path while your brother is he who shines a light. I thought it a good way to guide Ani home again, should he ever think to look.” Then she becomes solemn. “But I also knew that they would mean something to him as well for all that the rest of the galaxy might miss the significance. Your brother was the first trueborn Skywalker, and while I will never truly understand how much that means, I was determined to honor it. So my little Lukka was named for the freedom he would never have to earn, and you, my darling Lei-ah, you were named for the fierce protector Anakin always spoke of whenever I could coax stories from Tatoonie out of him.” A tap to her nose startles her. “And he wanted you, Lei-ah. Oh, he would’ve been happy if our child was the boy I claimed we were having, but he very much wanted a little girl to call his own. I could think of no better tribute than what I gave you.”

“It was perfect, Angel, absolutely perfect,” Anakin says from behind them, voice thick with unnamed emotions.

Leia doesn’t let herself think about it too hard. She’s not ready to consider the demon of her childhood her father, let alone delve into the fact that he might’ve actually _wanted_ her once upon a time. There have been too many surprises today as it is. And now she feels absolutely _exhausted_.

“I do believe our time’s up,” Obi-Wan says, speaking for the first time since before they gave Leia her parents back.

She jerks, making an aborted attempt to cling because she doesn’t want them to go. But now that she’s paying attention, both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are showing faint signs of stress, and Padme and Bail are a fainter shade of blue than when they first arrived.

Padme touches her cheek again, then Luke’s. “We _will_ see each other again, children, and next time won’t be as rushed. Until then, know that I have always loved you and that I am _so_ proud of what you both accomplished.” And then both she and Obi-Wan vanish.

Leia tips her head back when a hand brushes over her shoulder.

“As Padme said, next time won’t be as short,” Bail reaffirms, smiling warmly down at her. “This was a bit of a rushed endeavour on Anakin’s part for us to see each other face to face. With more forewarning and planning, we will be able to talk for a couple of hours.”

A smile spreads across Leia’s lips at the idea.

Breha steps forward now. “Inform Rey that all the grandparents visited and she’ll understand why Anakin, Ahsoka and Obi-Wan will not be available for the next day or so. She should be able to answer any questions you have as we visited her often during those fifty years she was alone.”

Leia wonders briefly how long the idea that this unknown girl might know her family better than she does will startle her. However, it’s a question for another day. Drinking in the sight of her parents one last time, she dips her head in acknowledgement. She’s gifted with four smiles before all the Force ghosts are gone.

“Well,” her husband drawls, “didn’t expect _that_ either.”

And Leia finds herself dissolving into helpless laughter with her brother. Slightly hysterical laughter, but laughter all the same.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait, you guys, but life decided to hit big time! My holidays were nice, even with having to stay separate from the vast majority of my family, but January decided to bite me in the butt! I went and got covid! Thankfully, the only symptoms I had were a stuffed up nose and a dry, unproductive cough. The cough, unfortunately, has decided to linger on into February, joy of all joys, so that's been oodles of fun.
> 
> Hope life's treating you all better than it has been me!
> 
> Enjoy this next chapter!

Poe is a bit surprised when he blinks his eyes open the next morning and finds Finn still asleep beside him sprawled out on his stomach. His husband is usually the first one up, a remnant from his First Order training that the man never seemed to be able to really shake. So Poe savours being able to lie next to his husband with no pressing demands looming over their heads. General Organa had assured him yesterday while they were waiting for Rey to join them that, barring any abrupt problem that decided to surface, she would allow the four of them today off. Poe very much appreciates that, especially because he’s going to have to get himself back in the routine of waking up at a specific time. He doesn’t think it’ll take too long, but the night shifts are going to be utter crap the first couple of times he’s scheduled.

A frown tugs at his lips despite the calm morning when he recalls Finn’s prickliness yesterday. While he’d never try to force Finn to get along with anyone he doesn’t like, from what Poe recalls of Rey’s temper, she isn’t going to put up with anyone snapping at Ben for the foreseeable future. Not even her friends. So that’s something he’s going to have to try and talk with Finn about before they go looking for anyone. And then maybe talk with Rey depending on how Finn answers.

Shuffling noises beside him has his frown turning into a grin.

“Morning husband.”

Finn shifts so he can crack one eye open and glare blearily up at him. “You’re thinkin’ too hard,” he mutters. “’s morning.”

“Gotta get used to that again,” he points out. “We’re gonna be back on the clock again starting tomorrow.”

Finn grunts. “That’s _tomorrow_.”

Poe raises an eyebrow. “Well, yesterday’s grumpy attitude apparently stuck around. You aren't usually this grouchy in the morning. That’s generally _my_ thing.” He figures the reason he isn’t this particular morning is because he got to wake up when _he_ wanted to, not because of an alarm.

Finn shifts so he can press his face back into his pillow before groaning loudly. “It’s been a rough few days, okay?”

While Poe won’t deny that at all, the year of the war the three of them were together hadn’t been easy either, what with all three of them struggling to find themselves in one fashion or another. “Buddy, we lived through a rough _year_. And that’s not even getting into all the work we put in _after_ the war.”

His husband grumbles more nonsense into his pillow that Poe doesn’t even bother trying to understand. “You’re not gonna let this go, are you?”

“Finn, you probably know Rey’s temper better than me.” He gently pokes his husband in the side. “How exactly do you think she’ll react to any sort of snippiness directed towards Ben right now?”

Finn groans again. “Kriffing hells, _fine_.” He shuffles around until he’s lying flat on his back and staring up at the ceiling of their room. “You know I love you, right?”

The eyebrow goes up again. “Well _that’s_ an interesting way to start this conversation.”

“ _Poe_.”

“Yeah buddy, I know. We’ve been married for forty years now. I’m guessing this is about why it took me ten years before I could get you to say yes?”

Finn fixes him with a deadpan stare before heaving a weary sounding sigh. “Despite the fact that you were the reason I got out of the First Order in the first place, I’d thought I’d lost you right after we fled and Rey was the first person I really interacted with after that. Something just _resonated_ in me when I laid eyes on her. I think I fell in love with her at first sight. I wanted to help her even when the idea of the First Order finding me scared me shitless.” Finn scrubs at his face. “And all she seemed to want to do was concentrate on a man who’d not only killed his own father, but also wanted to _turn_ her. He wanted to take this bright, vibrant light and extinguish it. He wanted to bury it so deep in darkness that it’d never shine again. _He_ probably thought he was just going to make her better, but it would’ve killed everything that makes Rey _Rey_. All that would’ve been left if he’d managed it would’ve been a shell of her former self, or worse, a monster just like him. And maybe in the end he did save her. Maybe he did have a change of heart, but he still _took_ her from me.” He barks out a bitter sounding laugh. “Even after his death he still had more of a claim on her than I ever managed. I would’ve stood with her after Exogol. I would’ve stood with her and gone wherever she wanted to go because I _loved_ her. I would’ve let her mourn for all that I couldn’t really stand the idea of mourning Kylo Ren. Instead she ran from us, Poe, and kept on running for fifty years because she was afraid of what we would say about her mourning a man who sought to subjugate the galaxy. She didn’t even bother to _ask_.”

Surprisingly, none of this is actually _new_ to Poe. He’d guessed some of it on his own, but he hadn’t been interested in dredging up old wounds before all the craziness hit them again. And then there’s the fact that he’s never actually felt like Finn would ever abandon him for Rey, not even before they really got together after the war. He’d definitely run to _help_ her, but Poe figures a small measure of the trust the two shared during the war was broken a bit when Rey left them like she had after everything was said and done. “Is that what you tried to tell her on Pasaana when we all thought we were going to die in the sinking sands? That you loved her?”

“It was.”

Yeah, that’s what he thought. “Well, buddy, I’m sure you already know this, but fifty years is a bit of a long time to hold a grudge.”

“I’m aware.”

“And you realize that Ben’s probably not going anywhere anytime soon? That he and Rey are going to be pretty much joined at the hip for the foreseeable future?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Finn growls.

“Just checking.”

His husband swats at Poe’s arm. “I know he’s not Kylo Ren anymore. I _do_ know that, despite what you seem to think. He doesn’t even look the same. I only ever saw Kylo Ren when he had a helmet on except for those last few days of the war. He even carries himself differently now. I know all of this in my head. That doesn’t make my feelings any easier to deal with.”

Poe nods along with him, because he does understand that, and as he’s considering the difference, certain memories from his childhood decide to surface for the first time in years. “You know, he kinda reminds me of how he was back before Leia and Han shipped him off for training with Luke. He smiled a decent amount for all that he seemed a bit skittish.”

The flurry of limbs that Finn produces flailing himself upright is downright amusing. “Wait a minute, _you_ knew him before he went Dark?”

“Yeah, Han and Leia were close friends of my parents. They served under Leia during the Rebellion even. Ben and I got dumped together a lot whenever they met up. He’s only three years younger than me, so I was in charge of keeping the brat entertained.” Poe scrunches up his nose. “And now that I think about it, the fact that he has the Force explains some of the weird shenanigans we got into. I never really thought about it at the time, we were _kids_ , and when he left I promptly forgot everything cause he wasn’t around to remind me anymore. Huh.”

“I think my brain hurts,” Finn mutters.

Poe reaches over and pats the top of his head. That earns him a scowl that he just grins at. “I think you might be in for a while of hurt, buddy, at least until you get used to the idea.”

Finn flops back down onto the bed dramatically. “I _know_ ,” he says despairingly, “and I need to talk with Rey about things that’ll definitely include Solo so I’m just gonna have to get over myself.”

“I can talk with Rey or Ben if you want,” Poe offers, already knowing that his husband is going to turn him down.

“No, thanks but no. Unfortunately, I think that what we have to discuss will mean Solo and I spending a significant amount of time together.”

“Would it be about why you had nightmares about Rey dying on Exogol so much?” Because there’d been quite a few of those, even five years after the fact when they got together, and Finn never wanted to talk about them. Poe only knows that much because Finn kept shouting Rey’s name and he’d pushed for _some_ answers.

Finn pulls a face that shows just how much he doesn’t like the idea of having to talk about that. “Probably.”

“Lovely.” Poe sighs, not wanting to spoil the morning anymore than they already have “Then we should go see about getting things for breakfast, cause I want me some food and caf.”

Finn chuckles as he lazily stretches. “I honestly thought you were going to throw a fit when the doctor warned you about your caf intake.”

“There’s no need to bring up that blasphemy!” Poe protests while he rolls out of bed. “I don’t have to worry about that nonsense for at least another forty five years!”

His husband just laughs at him while he hunts around for some clothes to throw on to make a quick run to the canteen. He fully intends to take advantage of his day off, and that means lounging around in their room because wandering around the ship or planet below them will mean getting sucked into the crush of things, and normally he’d be more than okay with that risk, given how often he did it in the past, but today is different. Today is the last day he feels he’ll truly be able to relax until they’ve dealt with the threat looming on the horizon, and despite them knowing exactly what it is that they have to face, that won’t make the execution any easier. If anything, it’s more terrifying this time round because now they could lose entirely different people, and Poe unfortunately knows himself well enough that each death will weigh heavily on his shoulders for all that he knows they won’t truly be his fault.

“You’re thinking too hard again,” Finn informs him as he throws a pillow at Poe’s head.

Poe catches said pillow after it bounces off his face and hurls it back at his husband. The man just laughs some more as Poe huffs at him, knowing he’s right. “I’ll just go by myself to get breakfast if this is how I’m going to be treated today.”

Finn flashes him a grin that’s all teeth. “And yet you’re still gonna come back.”

Poe doesn’t even bother trying to stop the fond grin that spreads across his lips. “Yeah, yeah. You want anything in particular if they’ve got it?”

Finn lazily waves a hand at him. “You know what I like.”

After chucking his sleep shirt onto the bed and tugging the one he’d snagged over his head, he bends down to press a quick kiss to Finn’s lips. “I do indeed. I’ll be back shortly, then.” He grabs his boots on his way out of their small bedroom, hopping on one foot and then the other as he puts them on instead of bothering to sit down. It’s a bit silly, but he’s just happy he can do that again without completely losing his balance. He’s managed to stumble his way to the door by then. He opens it and blinks when he unexpectedly finds Ben and Rey on the other side. “Well this is a surprise,” he says blandly. “This isn’t some weird Force thing, is it, cause I was just about to go to the canteen, but now you’re obviously here for something and that unfortunately means no caf for me anytime soon, and I’d _really_ rather not have to deal with this on a daily basis if it’s all the same to you.”

“No, just ridiculously good timing. We do, however, come bearing food and caf,” Ben says, holding up a fairly large karaf. Poe notes that he also has the food boxes balanced in his other hand, while all Rey’s holding are cups. “We had this pretty much shoved into our hands when we mentioned where and who we were bringing breakfast to.”

Poe snorts in amusement before he can stop himself. “Yeah, I kind of have a bit of reputation in the canteen. The staff joked for years that the General and I should just each have our own karaf, given how much caf we can drink given the opportunity.” He motions for them to step inside while asking, “No one gave you any trouble?”

Ben lazily shrugs a shoulder while Rey gets a grumpy tired face that matches Finn’s from earlier as she shuffles into the room. “I think everyone was too asleep to really care one way or another.”

“Well, I’m not gonna complain if it gets me that much caf.” Rey is very much still half asleep because she stumbles over to one of the few chairs Poe managed to wrangle having and plops down in it before _pouting_ up at Ben. Her partner just smiles fondly, setting the karaf and food down on the table next to her. She gets herself a cup of caf that she instantly starts sipping despite the obvious steam rising up from the cup indicating that they managed to snag some fresh caf. It’s not really a habit of hers that he remembers from the war, but then again, she had fifty years to make all sorts of new habits. “I’m kind of surprised you’re even here in the first place, though.”

“Rey wanted to talk with Finn.”

“And Finn wants to talk with Rey, so that works out.” Poe gives his friend a speculative once over. “Finn’s still in the bedroom if you feel awake enough to talk a bit.”

Rey frowns down into her cup of caf as though it might hold all the answers she’s looking for. Poe is intimately familiar with said thought process. She abruptly twists to top it off, then fills up another one before marching off to his little ass bedroom.

“The food good to sit for a bit?” Poe asks while getting himself a cup of caf.

Ben’s nose scrunches up. “I think? I didn’t really pay attention beyond getting enough.”

“Then we’ll give those two about ten minutes before we eat without them,” Poe decides. He raises an eyebrow when the man just continues to hover where he’s standing. “You’re allowed to sit, you know.”

Ben’s cheeks flush, but he drops down into the chair Rey had been sitting in moments before. “Sorry, I don’t really know how to do... _this_.” He trails off while waving a hand awkwardly through the air.

Poe barely manages to stifle the laughter that bubbles up at Ben’s words, because that is the understatement of the _century_. “Yeah, the First Order doesn’t really lend itself to good interpersonal relationships,” he drawls blandly, sitting as well.

“It really didn’t,” Ben mutters, slumping in his chair. It just serves to highlight how long limbed and gangly the man is. And despite how awkward his current situation makes him look, Poe knows just how agile and deadly the man can be with a weapon in hand. Hells, he knows multiple people like that.

“You guys have anything planned for today?” Poe asks conversationally after they sit in stilted silence for a bit, wondering if his lazy day is going to get interrupted again before it even begins.

Ben shrugs half-heartedly. “Not that I really know of, but Rey might surprise me on that front. I’m just following her right now.”

“She is a force unto herself.”

Ben hums in agreement before clearing his throat. “We’ve been discussing training your husband, though.”

Poe nods, having already expected this. “Am I allowed to watch, or is it gonna be some secret Jedi training? I didn’t see much of Rey’s before, but only because Finn and I were often sent out on missions while she stayed behind with your mom.”

“I don’t see why not. It’s not like we’re going to be trying to hide the fact that Finn can use the Force. It might even be a good—”

Abruptly, all the color drains out of Ben’s face. He makes a noise like someone punched him in the gut before he lurches towards the bedroom for no reason that Poe can see or hear. Poe, after making sure not to fling his caf all over the floor, scrambles to follow.

* * *

The bedroom is seemingly empty when Rey enters, but the door to what she assumes is the refresher is shut, so she sets down the cup of caf she brought for Finn on the lone bedside table and then settles down to wait on the bed proper. She’s well aware that this conversation between her and Finn is a long time coming. It’s only now with the bond she and Ben share whole and healthy humming in the back of her mind that she can truly see just how badly she erred. They definitely won’t be able to hash everything out now, given that there’s food waiting for them, but they can at least start. She takes a few more sips of her own caf, staring intently into the dark liquid as she looks for the words she needs to say. Her head jerks up when the refresher door opens and Finn walks out, chest bare and sleep pants she’s sure are really Poe’s low on his hips. He’s smiling at seemingly nothing, only to stutter to a halt when he sees her on his bed.

“You’re not Poe,” he says almost stupidly.

She feels her lips twitch into an attempt at a smile. “I’m not.” She jerks a thumb in the direction of their small living room. “Poe’s out there with Ben.” She doesn’t miss the way Finn briefly pulls a face at Ben’s name. It’s small, smoothed out almost immediately, and the only reason she catches it is because she’s watching for it.

“There a reason you’re in here instead of out there with them?” he asks, grabbing a shirt and pulling it over his head.

She takes in a deep breath, because the words are still hard to stay even though Finn deserves them a thousand times over. “I owe you an apology.”

Finn visibly falters, obviously not expecting those words from her. “Come again?”

“I owe you an apology. Specifically for how I acted after Exogol. For how I ran away.”

Her friend grimaces. “I forgave you for that years ago, even if I still don’t understand it.”

“I know.” Rey exhales shakily, fighting the urge to avoid this conversation all together. This is something that Finn needs to understand though, because she refuses to leave his training in Luke Skywalker’s hands, and that means he and Ben will be spending time together. “You mentioned when we first came back that you’d felt me die on Exogol.”

“What’s that got to do with—?”

Rey holds up a hand to stall him. “What did it feel like?”

“ _Feel_ like?” Finn pulls a face. “I don’t really...it all happened so _fast_. Lando had just saved Jannah and I from the falling command ship. We were running through the _Falcon_ when all of a sudden it just seemed like everything stopped. Even with the battle still raging around us, I just _stopped_. I don’t…” He trails off, seemingly confused now that he’s focusing on it. “I don’t understand why I _did_ that.”

“Because there was a tentative bond between us that neither of us really knew about,” Rey explains, “and when I died and the connection abruptly shattered, you suppressed everything. Your mind wasn’t prepared to deal with the pain a bond broken abruptly by death can produce when you’d had no training whatsoever.”

Finn blinks for a few moments as this processes. “But you did,” he says slowly.

“And it was a hundred times more potent than whatever you briefly experienced,” Rey whispers. She sets her cup of caf down by Finn’s untouched one and takes his hands in hers. She knows that he’s starting to get an idea of what she endured, but she wants him to fully understand. So without much thought of why it might be a bad idea, Rey reaches out for the echo of the bond she knows exists between them. She pours herself into it, waking it up until she hears Finn’s startled gasp.

“Rey, what—?”

“This is what it felt like to me when the bond between Ben and I broke,” she says softly before dredging up the memory of the aching brokenness she’d lived with. The pain and the longing that constantly haunted her.

Finn makes a wounded noise in the back of his throat as the door to the bedroom flies open and Ben comes barreling in with a wild look in his eyes. He hits his knees beside Rey and gathers her up in his arms, a harsh sob escaping him as he buries his face in her shoulder.

Rey releases Finn’s hands, cursing herself for not considering at all that neither she nor Ben have attempted to hide anything from each other, and that that means that they always feel what the other feels. “I lived with all of that constantly in the back of my mind for _fifty years_ , Finn,” she chokes out, sending all the love and care she can down the bond between both men. “The only reason you didn’t is because Ben gave his life for me on Exogol.”

“Someone want to explain why all three of you are crying?” Poe all but demands, dropping onto the bed beside Finn and wrapping an arm around his husband’s trembling shoulders.

“I needed Finn to fully understand what I had lived with for the past fifty years because of my broken dyad bond with Ben. The jagged emptiness in my soul, like a piece of myself had been ripped away, a piece of myself I hadn’t even known existed until it was suddenly gone, so I opened the bond between us and showed him. I forgot that Ben would feel what I feel, and that he hasn’t ever felt the full extent of it,” Rey says through her tears, meeting her friend’s furious expression as steadily as she can. Her dyad partner shudders against her at the reminder. “It doesn’t excuse my actions after Exogol. Nothing does, really. And maybe if I’d stayed and we’d tried to explore the connection between the two of us, it might’ve soothed that ache. But it was raw and fresh, and too many people would’ve scorned me for mourning a man they all despised.” She shifts her gaze to her other friend. “Even you, Finn, and at the time I couldn’t handle that. It would’ve shattered me utterly. So I’m sorry for running like I did, but at the time I felt as though I had no other option.”

Poe exhales explosively. “I really wish you’d waited to do that, but alright. Just, you and Ben go into the other room for a little bit, please. We’ll join you once I’ve calmed my husband down.”

“Of course,” Rey agrees hoarsely, bringing Ben with her as she stands and leaves the bedroom. He collapses into the chair she steers him to, and she clambers into his lap, needing to feel surrounded by him. “I messed up,” she whispers despairingly, blocking the connection between her and Finn as best she can because he doesn’t deserve her turmoil right now. Not when she’s the reason he’s so shaken right now. This is what she gets for rushing things.

Ben chokes out a watery sounding laugh even as his arms tighten around her. “I think we’re going to be doing that a lot, unfortunately.”

“But I keep _hurting_ them!”

“They’ll forgive you. _You_ haven’t killed anyone important to them, so you’re already doing better than me.”

Rey rears upright so she can glare at Ben even through her tears. “Ben Solo, do _not_ turn this into a competition of who’s hurt who more!”

He merely offers her a self-deprecating smile. “It’s true, though.”

She huffs indignantly at him. “Only because of Snoke and Palpatine.” She feels his half-hearted acceptance of that, but decides to let it go for now. She’s made enough bad decisions this morning already. No need to press her luck any further.


End file.
